My novel idea - any criticism at all?

jazz101

It's a coming of age novel, would love to hear any thoughts on it at all. Pasting this from another place I posted it so it may seem informal/out of place.

He (protagonist) lives in a modern Ireland with the tension of the Troubles back in full flow. He's a middle class teen of average-above average intelligence, who is apathetic and whingey from the start. He lacks any self-worth, and struggles to fill this gap, but with his parents providing everything for him on a silver platter he can't muster anything to be proud of or that gives him some sense of achievement and happiness. His parents die in accident later on after this is established, and rather than taking their trust fund and living in their home he opts to live by himself in an apartment and work two jobs at the same time, for some sense of self worth.

At the same time he still attends school sedulously. He finds this gives him some worth and even chases after a girl (a religious foreign beauty who empathizes with him but shows no romantic interest) with a heavy heart. He clings to her and becomes great friends with her, and her moral influence on him is strong.

Despite this he still feels pangs of worthlessness, so he takes part in the paramilitary action in his country, masking angst and self-loathing with patriotism and perceived prejudice. He also turns to drugs at a later stage, frustrated. The girl dies tragically in the end right after he agrees to end his involvement in paramilitary activity before making a silly mistake. This serves to show that he searched for self-worth in the darker sides (drugs, paramilitary activity), the brighter sides (the amiable and admirably moralistic girl), before unearthing the ability to source his own self-worth from himself. Complete with a subtle and preferably unpreachy commentary about the medias role in removing our sense of self worth and imbuing us with a slightly glass half empty philosophy, along with the apathy a pampered child is prone to. Book ends.

Toasterspark

Sounds like a great idea, you have a well thought out plan with which to work. I like the idea and what you're trying to achieve.

Personally, it sounds like the protagonist's journey begins after he loses his parents in the accident. If I was writing this story, I would start at a point after the accident. You can then show the reader how he's adjusting to life without everything being handed to him through the opening chapters (not needing the trust fund, struggling to keep up with his studies, etc.).

Spelling it all out chronologically and trying to transition from privileged life, to the death of both parents, to life afterwards, is a huge undertaking in one book. A post-accident beginning launches you straight into the meat of the story, while allowing you to weave his past into the chapters as you progress.

jazz101

Thanks bud.. I'm only a teen meself so I guess it's reflective of a lot of what I see around me (I know lads who already seem to be leaning towards the most extremist of paramilitary action as) and I've had this idea for a while cause I dream of writing a book and this one is entirely representative of my life in some ways.

I like your suggestion, but at the same time I think putting the protagonist in a glass box of apathy with his brilliantly lavish surroundings serves to emphasise just how unhappy he is even in a seemingly perfect setting, and would contrast well with his later apparent destruction, yet inner joy. Another good suggestion I was given was that his paramilitary group should end up killing the girl accidentally, but although that's a great twist in a plot sense I thought it bore too much resemblance to an earlier book on the Troubles that dealt with a sniper shooting his brother unknowingly.

ahayzer42

Hey Jazz101

It sounds like an interesting idea - reminds me of a book called A Million Little Pieces by James Frey, which kinda deals with the same themes of rejuvenating oneself and finding meaning in things. (We'll ignore the fact that while it's supposed to be autobiographical, the author was actually nailed for blatantly making some of the stuff in it up!)

In terms of Toasterspark's suggestion, I think I agree with him - if you open with his parent just after being killed, or with him at the funeral (incidentally that's where the project I'm currently working on starts) it packs more of a punch in your opening chapter which is where you need to hook readers in.

I've never been one for big long descriptive pieces anyway, i find they drag and while a set-up like that you're referring to might work in film, it toes the fine line of being boring in a novel. And there are ways around it anyway, flashback or your character remembering something from his childhood or old life can slot subtly into the text but still keep the reader's interest and after a bit of this, the reader will cop that this character and the situation he is in now is completely foreign to him, it's not where he came from - the slow realisation for the reader might hit harder than a sudden, drastic change.

EileenG

One thing I'd suggest is that you don't make the hero totally unappealling. So far, he sounds like a misery. While he might be miserable most of the time, give him times when he is having a ball and is fun to be with.

If the hero pisses the reader off, she won't be inclined to keep reading.

pickarooney

Yeah, he certainly has a Holden Caulfield vibe from that brief description. Although a lot of people seem to like that book for some bizarre reason.

jazz101

EileenG - I have considered this, nothing I hate more myself than a protagonist that I cannot stand. I intend to make him somewhat humorous but only as a drawback to what really is a ruling mindset of depression and self-loathing, which would come up in more philosophical than consistently woeful tones.

I was actually going to mention the Catcher In The Rye pickarooney. I read the book as a teen and hated it. I despise the character of Caulfield, I have every intention of making the only similarity between my own protagonist and himself be that they go through a watershed experience that leaves them men after it.

I'm wary of a whingey main character, it's the first thing that would turn me away. The protagonist in mine has humorous observations and there are going to be parts of course where he has some funny exchanges with his friends, and crucially he won't look down his nose at everyone like Holden did. Thanks for your replies so far.

EileenG

What age is he? If he's old enough to live on his own, would he still be at school and coming of age?

jazz101

17/18, I would think it fits in snugly with each separate setting he finds himself in.

Paramite Pie

Toasterspark wrote: »

Personally, it sounds like the protagonist's journey begins after he loses his parents in the accident. If I was writing this story, I would start at a point after the accident......
..........
Spelling it all out chronologically and trying to transition from privileged life, to the death of both parents, to life afterwards, is a huge undertaking in one book. A post-accident beginning launches you straight into the meat of the story, while allowing you to weave his past into the chapters as you progress.

I'm reading a book on writing at the moment and it recommends avoiding flashbacks and too much backstory. It can break the flow of a novel and can be hard to do well. It's not a rule however.

ahayzer42 wrote: »

Hey Jazz101
In terms of Toasterspark's suggestion, I think I agree with him - if you open with his parent just after being killed, or with him at the funeral (incidentally that's where the project I'm currently working on starts) it packs more of a punch in your opening chapter which is where you need to hook readers in.

I can agree you need to hook readers (and your future publisher) from the start, there are ways to do this before the death of his family. The perfect opening line ain't easy to find but a funeral has so much emotion that it's not necessarily easy to jump into, but that's just my opinion.;)

I prefer some insight into your character and his life to get a sense of what he lost, even if it's a short scene. Overall I really like your synopsis and it sounds interesting.

Toasterspark

Paramite Pie wrote: »

I'm reading a book on writing at the moment and it recommends avoiding flashbacks and too much backstory. It can break the flow of a novel and can be hard to do well. It's not a rule however.

Yeah I see your point. I suppose what I would say is that I wasn't really suggesting flashbacks (as in chapters of backstory), but rather weaving a little backstory into the chapters as you go where it's relevant.

I agree that too much backstory is bad in a book, but on the other hand if the action only kicks off when he loses his parents... isn't the first part of the book all 'backstory' anyway? I'd rather it was delivered in bits and pieces as you learn about the protagonist, rather than one large infodump

Paramite Pie wrote: »

I can agree you need to hook readers (and your future publisher) from the start, there are ways to do this before the death of his family. The perfect opening line ain't easy to find but a funeral has so much emotion that it's not necessarily easy to jump into, but that's just my opinion.;)

I prefer some insight into your character and his life to get a sense of what he lost, even if it's a short scene. Overall I really like your synopsis and it sounds interesting.

Yeah, another reason I'd skip to after the funeral is that that whole part of his life is an extraordinary time of emotional upheaval and change. It's heavy going for a reader and it would be quite the challenge to shift the protagonist's character from one setting (privileged, easy life) to another (hard going). Better to start with the 'new' life and then show how his old one was as you go. Then the reader will be like "Oh, he was like that? How did he change?" and you can show that change as you bring us through his turbulent school/paramilitary life.

Though, I guess it depends on what the story focuses on.

Are you concentrated on the protagonist's change from easy-life to hard-life? Or are you more focused on the protagonist's descent into paramilitary life? If it's the former, then perhaps his early life pre-funeral is a good starter for the book. If the focus is on his paramilitary involvement, then starting the book post-funeral works better, as you're getting into the meat of the story quicker.