Have I ruined things by giving the wrong impression?

LegacyUser

I met a guy two weeks ago and we've been getting on brilliantly. We've been out twice already and are meant to be meeting tonight. It must be said that he is a proper gent.

I may be reading too much into this but when we were texting yesterday he asked what I was up to and I said I was just on the way to the gym to work off the Christmas shame. Then today he called while I was in my karate class. He said something like ''wow, working out two days in a row?'' and I said half in jest that I had my eyes set on some nice bikinis for a holiday in the summer.

I was embarrassed by his reply. He said something very nice like ''well just make sure you're working this hard to make yourself happy. You look great the way you are already so don't feel like you have to look a certain way like most women think they do''. I know that is very sweet but, once he said that I felt really exposed. I wasn't mentioning the workouts for compliments. He just so happened to contact me when that's what I was doing. I spend plenty of time being very lazy and unhealthy, I can assure you! So do you guys think I have made him think I'm insecure or that I hate my body? That's the biggest turn off ever for guys I reckon. I don't want him thinking ''oh that's why she works out'', when he sees me naked and I feel like the gym thing might have brought his attention to how I look and any flaws I have without meaning to.

CaraMay

All you need to say is that you enjoy it. You are really over thinking here and do sound very insecure tbh.

He obviously fancies you so stop fretting or you will push him away.

tomthetank

It was his long-winded way of giving you a compliment and letting you know he fancies you and doesn't want you to change!

shampooman

I'm a guy and I can tell you now that he likes you so don't over think things..enjoy it! Early stages can be great fun altogether

P.S. I'm just back from pilates.

Calibos

Sounds like a compliment. ie. I hope your working out because its what you like to do and aren't putting pressure on yourself on my account. I already think you're a stunner.

Even a selfish motive for what he said along the lines of, I'm not mad on size zero bag 'o bones isn't that bad is it? ie. The pressure some women feel to attain the size zero look is not coming from men but from other women. I don't know any other man that likes the size zero look. Personally the likes of Jessica Ennis would be as thin or muscled as I would fancy. Why pressure yourself with the dietery and excercise requirements to attain a look that 99 out of 100 men don't really find that attractive.

The Cool

Sounds to me like before he replied to you he had a similar "oh um what do I say" kind of thing - because conversations over text can often be misunderstood he probably just didn't want to say anything that sounded like he was agreeing that you needed to lose weight, or trying too hard by saying you didn't. It sounds like he was going for the safe answer (also the sound one) of saying: go you, I'm not saying I think you need to, but if you want to then fair play.
I wouldn't over think it, it's one of those things that happens when you're in a new relationship and kind of tiptoeing around each other because you're still only getting to know each other. Stop over thinking it and just appreciate that he's trying to be nice.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

He was trying to be nice to you! Don't overthink things! Be glad to have a guy with his head screwed on who's obviously very interested.

kungfuidiot

kungfuidiot wrote: »

I met a guy two weeks ago and we've been getting on brilliantly. We've been out twice already and are meant to be meeting tonight. It must be said that he is a proper gent.

I may be reading too much into this but when we were texting yesterday he asked what I was up to and I said I was just on the way to the gym to work off the Christmas shame. Then today he called while I was in my karate class. He said something like ''wow, working out two days in a row?'' and I said half in jest that I had my eyes set on some nice bikinis for a holiday in the summer.

I was embarrassed by his reply. He said something very nice like ''well just make sure you're working this hard to make yourself happy. You look great the way you are already so don't feel like you have to look a certain way like most women think they do''. I know that is very sweet but, once he said that I felt really exposed. I wasn't mentioning the workouts for compliments. He just so happened to contact me when that's what I was doing. I spend plenty of time being very lazy and unhealthy, I can assure you! So do you guys think I have made him think I'm insecure or that I hate my body? That's the biggest turn off ever for guys I reckon. I don't want him thinking ''oh that's why she works out'', when he sees me naked and I feel like the gym thing might have brought his attention to how I look and any flaws I have without meaning to.

Your overthinking this. He was paying you a compliment as he clearly fancies you.

Tbh whether you were a size 6 or size 26, i love to hear a woman is making an effort to maintain her shape or lose weight but that said i wouldnt hold it against a girl if I thought she wasnt. If eventually he fancies you enough to get into bed with you then chances are he wont be bothered about what you think shouldnt be there

LegacyUser

Thank you to each and every one of your for your input. I just wanted to know that I hadn't caused him to think I was body image obsessed. I haven't heard from him since then. Normally we text on and off throughout the day but after we had that chat yesterday I have gotten no reply from him. We were meant to go out lastnight but he said he was called into work last minute. Maybe he's just tired/busy today but I did sense something weird about that response and felt that I gave him an impression of me that was not accurate.

One of the posters said I ''sound insecure'', well of course I do, I'm on a message board asking a question like this (hence the anonymity) but I found what he said a bit odd and based on the lack of contact and the cancelled date since then, maybe my feeling wasn't too far off.

Of course, he may just be tied up, it has only been a day. We'll see. Thanks anyway everyone

ncmc

kungfuidiotagain wrote: »

Thank you to each and every one of your for your input. I just wanted to know that I hadn't caused him to think I was body image obsessed. I haven't heard from him since then. Normally we text on and off throughout the day but after we had that chat yesterday I have gotten no reply from him. We were meant to go out lastnight but he said he was called into work last minute. Maybe he's just tired/busy today but I did sense something weird about that response and felt that I gave him an impression of me that was not accurate.

One of the posters said I ''sound insecure'', well of course I do, I'm on a message board asking a question like this (hence the anonymity) but I found what he said a bit odd and based on the lack of contact and the cancelled date since then, maybe my feeling wasn't too far off.

Of course, he may just be tied up, it has only been a day. We'll see. Thanks anyway everyone

I agree with the other posters, you’re overthinking things. The fact that he cancelled your date due to work, probably means he was busy all day yesterday and that’s why he didn’t contact you.

It’s natural to be self conscious and insecure at the start of a relationship. Everyone wants to put their best foot forward. If you did make a jokey type comment about wanting to fit into your bikini, then I can’t see how he would pick up that you’re insecure or hate your body. It would be different if you had of launched into a diatribe about how fat and disgusting you are!

To be honest, if he has gone cold on you over such an innocent comment, then you’re better off without him.