Don't know what to think

Voltex

Basically my wife is friends with a group of women she met online on a parenting website and since the birth of my first child. It was basically a forum with about 35 women who all had kids around the same time.
I know my wife keeps on contact and chats with them virtually every day and they discuss EVERYTHING. But I got bit of a shock when I opened my laptop after my wife was done and she didn't log out...I musta been a bit thick cause I didn't even cop that my profile wasn't open... But when I saw some of the comments by my wife and these women I didn't know hat to make of it. They basically discuss all the private goings on between themselves and their husbands ( and that includes me). I feel very embarrassed and hurt that private personal issues that effect me and my wife are being discussed amongst a group of strangers that don't even know me let alone ever met me and they feel they have the right to advise and tell my wife what she should do!!
I'm afraid of approaching my wife over this as i don't want it to look like I was looking into her personal stuff...I know women like to discuss everyday stuff and more with friends and that's fine, cause in most cases her friends know me and can give her proper opinions.
Am I being silly here or do I have the right to feel annoyed?

Lorna123

I don't think I would be annoyed OP. Your wife has a right to discuss what she wants with whom she wants. It helps her to sort out her mind. All the women are sharing their stories so no harm done in my opinion. These women don't know you so what does it matter. They don't even know if your wife is telling the truth or embellishing it to make a good story to get on better with these women. I just think this is all private and personal stuff for her and you should have no worries unless she is cheating and I don't think this is the case. Maybe look at the other side to this, it gives you a great insight into how she is thinking and you can work on this without prompting from her. It is just like she is saying out loud what she is thinking and you have no control over what she is thinking in the first place.
Are you just annoyed because she has this little private space for herself?

cantdecide

This is the age old story. Men finding out that very private and personal issues appearing to be open for public discussion against their will or knowledge.

What might be important here is whether these are local women who you are ever likely to meet. That thought would give me the willies for sure. If the chances are non-existent, say, if it's an international site, then I don't think you should feel so violated. I think it's pretty mature that you don't mind being discussed between people who know you.

Lorna123 wrote: »

I don't think I would be annoyed OP. Your wife has a right to discuss what she wants with whom she wants....you should have no worries unless she is cheating and I don't think this is the case...

I don't see the correlation between the OP's feeling of his privacy being compromised and cheating, tbh. I'd assume the OP would have mentioned if he had seen anything that would in itself be cause for worry.

ManOfMystery

Just to give you an alternative viewpoint OP - you're essentially posting here for advice from strangers about an issue with your wife. It's not that different from what she's doing.

It isn't always a bad thing to get viewpoints from people outside the box, who aren't going to be influenced by knowledge of who you and your wife are.

judgefudge

It would depend for me the context of what she is talking about. If its really personal stuff that's one thing. If its general relationship stuff that everyone kind of talks about I wouldn't worry.

Why would you prefer her to talk to people you know about your problems. I wouldn't like to think my boyfriends friends now every detail of our relationship. I'd be less inclined to care what people I've never met know. But that's just my opinion.

It seems like this is an important support group for her, and I would think long and hard before marching in and telling her she can't discuss this anymore.

kat.mac

I totally understand why you're uncomfortable having read those messages OP.

However, I would have two points to make. Firstly, is there really any difference between your wife talking about these personal issue with her online friends and her 'real life' friends? People can form strong connections through online communication and these women clearly don't feel like strangers to your wife.

Secondly, with your wife talking through the daily ups and downs and issues that go along with marriage/parenthood, perhaps you should view this as a good thing - she has formed a good support network of like-minded women, who help her discuss and deal with things, possibly before they become real issues between you two. Everyone needs an outlet, sounds like your wife has found one that works for her, so you should just respect that IMO.

dannyc31

I totally understand why you're uncomfortable having read those messages OP.

However, I would have two points to make. Firstly, is there really any difference between your wife talking about these personal issue with her online friends and her 'real life' friends? People can form strong connections through online communication and these women clearly don't feel like strangers to your wife.

Secondly, with your wife talking through the daily ups and downs and issues that go along with marriage/parenthood, perhaps you should view this as a good thing - she has formed a good support network of like-minded women, who help her discuss and deal with things, possibly before they become real issues between you two. Everyone needs an outlet, sounds like your wife has found one that works for her, so you should just respect that IMO.

exactly. i would totally agree. OP you should understand how hard it can be for a stay at home mum especially if she is very new to that lifestyle.

women talk, its an age old story that men cant just get their heads around but its because they talk that less of them are depressed or suicidal as is the cause with men who are notorious for not talking.

this support network is stopping you getting mood tantrums hurled at you when you come in from work in the evenings so i seriously would not knock it. people like to feel they are not alone and so if she can find other women going thru the same issues as herself well then thats going to give her better peace of mind.

my advice is dont pull her up on this and just let her get on with it, just dont read her conversations again. i mean seriously if women heard half the conversations that their men were having with their buddies they would also be horrified so just leave it at that. its girl chat and its doing no harm and in fact is probably doing alot of good instead.

and lastly are'nt you on this forum doing exactly the same thing, getting advice and opinions from complete strangers? it all helps you achieve a better understanding in the end.