Living at home after 30

Kwijiboe

Opinions on people living with parents after 30 in 2013 ,if they have a steady job and have their own car, and are capable of doing all their own stuff and want to do it all but because of a mother who has lost so much(first child stillborn, second child killed at age of 22 in road accident) does everything she can to keep you there and is terrified of the day you leave even though she still has her husband. Her only daughter has moved out a few years ago and has two kids which she sees regularly.

StillWaters

If they can live together, respecting each others space and lives as independent adults, each contributing to the household both practically and monetarally I suppose it could work.

However in this case it sounds as if the son is being guilted into remaining in the family house and prevented from spreading his wings, and that would not be a healthy dynamic. The mother seems to have support and company nearby with her daughter and grandchildren, it might be better for the son to live elsewhere IMO.

Victor

Moved from Accommodation & Property.

This is more of a personal issue.

Moderator

a posse ad esse

It really has to do with circumstances, OP. I have two brothers living at home that are over 35. One has a well paid job and contributes to the household, the other one is not well and needs looking after. The main issue is our parents are getting old and seem to be more stressed constantly worrying and looking after a sick adult son. We are so thankful to this other brother who is living there to help out as I can imagine how difficult it really is.

If your mother is healthy and physically able to care for herself, than you shall not be made to feel guilty. She needs to get on with her life and so do you if you choose. Moving out may be a good thing for the both of you. She will learn to move on and maybe get into some activities and hobbies and make some new friends. Perhaps you can live close by and visit often? She is probably more worried about you moving out and disappearing.

LegacyUser

I did this for several years and I regret it. It was only when I did move out that I came to realise how living at home had more or less halted my progress into adulthood. Now I can watch what I want on telly, cook whatever I want whenever I want, have people visit whenever I want. More importantly at the moment, I've got a boyfriend and he can come over and stay overnight with me. That would never have happened at home. In my opinion you can never live as a fully fledged adult under your parent's roof.

It's not healthy for either the mother nor her son to live under the same roof. It's also very unfair on the mother to guilt her son into staying at home just because it's what she wants. The mother is a fully grown woman who reared a family and has been through a lot. Life isn't always fair but she can and will cope with her son moving out. She might not like it but sometimes you have to be selfish.

StillWaters

StillWaters wrote: »

If they can live together, respecting each others space and lives as independent adults, each contributing to the household both practically and monetarally I suppose it could work.

However in this case it sounds as if the son is being guilted into remaining in the family house and prevented from spreading his wings, and that would not be a healthy dynamic. The mother seems to have support and company nearby with her daughter and grandchildren, it might be better for the son to live elsewhere IMO.

Spot on. The mother is basically insecure about losing another child so she needs help to deal with this or no one will be able to move forward. Talk to someone is my advice

Judes

I previously dated a man who is now 47 and he still lives at home with his widowed mammy. With some it can be a "cough out" i.e. not having the balls to stand on your own two feet and experience what every day throws at you financially, mentally, physically. One can be left living a life of co-dependency - and in the case of my ex - he was basically married to his mother. Eeek, I get the heebee jeebies thinking about it now and the fact that I put up with it all for so long.

There are situations where children stay and take care of an ailing parent and should be commended for this as that is a huge responsibility.

And where there are separations and divorces some have to return to the family homestead to regroup before restarting life.

But seriously - to never move out................. just "grow a pair".

tony81

The mother seems to be very loving and only wants to protect her son(?).. but it's not healthy for the mother to rely emotionally on the son to this extent and it's not fair of the mother to put this obligation on the son either.

I'd advise the person to get out and live their own life and cut the apron strings.