sucks to be me

LegacyUser

I'm really upset today me and my brother had a fight... First of all I'm not Irish so I'm sorry for my english... It started when I told him to help something out in the house (my brother 34 years old is an illegal immigrant jobless. He has a wife who's working as a child minder which also illegal) (mum brought them here to earn money) Anyway, like I said I only told him to help something in the house like even just washing his dishes after using em' as I do feel sorry for our mum doing all the cleaning in the house other than working 36 to 49 hours a week as a care assistant in a nursing home. He then shouted at me "What did you just say? Am I minding your ****** life for you to mind my own? Go mind your ****** life you have no right as you're not feeding me. go kill yourself." I'm always a loner... I'm in this country since 2006 legal I'm a dependant by my mum and no friends since I came here as I'm scared to be myself. I always feel like everyone will disown me. I really don't know what to do...

Annasopra

moved from Lgbt to personal issue forum

looksee

What do you mean when you say you are afraid to be yourself, do you mean alone? And why would anyone disown you?

You say that you and your mother are here legally, and she brought your brother and his wife in to earn money. If she chooses to keep her son here illegally, and look after him that is her choice.

You have to make your own choice. Either you go on as you are, be prepared to clean up after your brother and be dependent on your mother, or you can make your own life.

Were you at school here? Have you finished school? Have you had a job here at all? Do you have any training? What do you do at the moment?

skyfall2012

Well, my advise be yourself first of all, where ever you go.

We have Mommy's boys in Ireland too, I had a job to shake it out of my husband and get him to help around the house, I persevered and he came around to my way of thinking (just in this area, he is not brow beaten or anything like that).

You did the right thing to stand up for your Mom and don't forget that, your brother is very aggressive and vile, to say something like that to you. Best thing is to ignore him.

In Ireland people like to laugh a lot and try to see the funny side of life, if you go to the 'rec/After Hours' section of boards.ie you will see the silliness in some of the threads, it is good thing and I enjoy it myself. I think it is why we are liked so much when we travel around the world.

If you can try and understand this way of thinking and bring it with you when you socialise, you will be a hit with your friends I am sure. But, that is just an extra to have up your sleeve, I am sure you are perfectly lovely as you are. Good luck and start to enjoy leaving here:)

LegacyUser

I'm bi and the words he used to me was Fa.ggot. I'm studying and working at the same time to help my mum pay the rent/bills etc. It's unfair for my mum working her butt off and him sitting at home with his Ipad 2 on his hands all day not doing anything before they came here they promise my mum once they earn enough money to buy a house they'll go home, but no! while me and mum working and struggling to pay the rent/bills they're enjoying the good stuffs they've got an Ipad and recently bought Mac Book Pro and a 42" led tv.

As I would love to get my own life, I'm always thinking of my mum on how she's gonna cope with it. Sometimes she's opening up to me saying she's already tired from working.

I just only got the balls to say it to my brother to do something, but he plays the fa.ggot card it hurts as I would never thought he'll say it and some hurtful stuffs.

looksee

OK you are studying, that's fine, get on and do your course, do your job, look after yourself and do what you can to help your mum. But. You have to live your own life.

Your mother is an adult, she brought your brother here, she is allowing him to live in her home and do nothing. Its her decision, and while it might make you annoyed, its not up to you.

Don't let your brother make you feel guilty about your sexuality, its your business, nothing to do with him. If he is abusive walk out of the situation, unless you can argue back effectively, you are better to leave, but don't let him see you are upset.

You can say to him, 'are you going to leave those dishes for mum to wash up, because I am not cleaning up after you'. If you get more abuse, just opt out of cleaning up after him. Do your own stuff, do general cleaning and tidying, but leave him to sort himself.

Hamhide

wow that sounds pritty tough I'd just wanna cuddle ya! you should hang in there and dont take anymore of that crap your brother gives you.You seem like a good guy so just stick with it.maybe you could try going out and socialising,join a lgbt group maybe?

looksee

OP, it might be a good idea to post in the LGBT forum again, just from the point of view of how to get out and meet people and be able to be yourself.

I think this thread was probably moved from there because you did not make it clear that your problems were related to your sexual orientation, and it looked as though the main problem was your brother's laziness.

LegacyUser

Is it possible for you to move it since you're a mod? Thanks a million anyway for the lovely posts.

looksee

No, I am not a mod of this forum, I am just an ordinary poster. This thread was moved in the first place because the problem was different. This is the correct place to be discussing your issues with your brother.

If you want to discuss the LGBT issues of finding friends and accepting your sexuality maybe you should post in LGBT about that, not about the problems with your brother.

Your brother's attitude to you is not really anything to do with your sexuality, I know he uses that to abuse you, but really its just a cover-up for his own behaviour, he would find something else to be abusive about if you were not bi.

Your brother is lazy and a bully. You need to stand up to him, refuse to clean after him - even if it means your mother has to do it. As long as you are enabling him she will not have to face up to him. It is not your problem, its your mother's house and she will have to make the decisions.