Adler's Admissions (Boards 360 League)

theoneadlum

Hi! Gerry Adler here, newly appointed man-in-charge of the Seattle Seahawks. This is my first entry in what I hope will be a weekly blog on the trials and tribulations of running such an organistation, meant for 'Hawks fans and anyone else who wants a glimpse into my high-profile, but remarkably low-pressure life.

A Heady Look Ahead to the Spear-Headed Year Ahead.

When Paul Allen approached me last week to take over the role as Coach and GM of the 'Hawks I was initially surprised. Yet despite my lack of coaching experience (although that said I have taught a couple of mime-classes) I instinctively felt that I had something to bring to the organisation. I have keen appreciation of players with over 95 in speed, and a great fondness for a slant route well run.

In my first meeting with Mr. Allen, I expressed in no uncertain terms that I'd be doing things my way this coming season (Truth be told it seemed as if he had no choice in hiring me...as though his hand was forced). I will be overseeing player development down to a minute level, even going as far as improving their likelihood of getting injured. Contrary to the opinion of the medical community at large this is indeed something that be helped by "using XP".

"XP" is a phrase I've coined standing for Xanthoma Polish. This a substance I developed over the Christmas which must be rubbed into the forehead on a weekly basis to produce an effect. Alternatively a player may wait until the end of a season and bath in a large quantity of it. WARNING: Ingestion of XP is deadly and will produce in abundance the ill-desired effect of "death". Players using the later method are therefore advised to wear the appropriate mouth-pieces. The recipe for XP is open-patented and available to all coaches and medical PROFESSIONALS within the league. It is dairy based.

Due to legal difficulties over broadcasting rights I was unable to watch their games, but from what I can statisically gather, last year was tough for the 'Hawks:29th in points per game, 31st in total yards, 32nd in passing yards etc. The last bloke had a hard time of it to be sure. This coming season I'll be looking to at least consolidate and hopefully improve upon a decent running game spear-headed by the spear-headed Marshawn Lynch. Or as I've taken to playfully calling him, "The Predator". He gets great gas out of that so he does.

Hopefully one or two additional pieces will fall into place during the offseason acquisition free-for-all. Russell Wilson is a decent option at QB but we here at 'Hawk towers will be looking to upgrade. It'll be hard to break it to him, and his supportive mother. Unfortunately he just hasn't shown the us the sort of improvement that apparently was hoped for.And maybe he is just too small.

And yet I can't help but feel that somewhere, in an alternate universe playing out in a separate ontological realm, he actually had a terrific rookie season. Go figure.

That's all for now. And remember what Neil Young said, "keep on 'Hawkin' in the XP World".

Gerry Adler,
GM Seattle Seahawks

Pudsy33

theoneadlum wrote: »

And yet I can't help but feel that somewhere, in an alternate universe playing out in a separate ontological realm, he actually had a terrific rookie season. Go figure.

Laughed my head off at this!

madalig12

Xp is Dairy based lol:D

Welcome to the division ya young upstart. Don't be thinking that rubbing yogurt into your forehead is going to make your division rivals roll over. It's gonna be a huge battle next season with the improving Rams and Cards going to cause all sorts of problems. Really looking forward to it.

guns4all

Congrats on joining the league!!

And welcome to the NFC West!!
Soon to be the bestest and most competitive division in all of football!!

NFC WEST RULES, ALL OTHERS SUCK!!!!!!!


Looking forward to laying a whooping on ya next season! (yeah the smack talk has begun!!!)
And to the match write ups after!!

Best of luck

Rory