Can't get over break up

LegacyUser

Two months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me.

We were going out for six months. It was a very intense six months and I fell for him very, very hard. He dumped me out of the blue without any real reason bar telling me ad nauseum that he "just wasn't ready for such a serious relationship". I don't need analysis of why the relationship ended; it's over now and the best thing I can do is just accept that. What I do need is help in moving on.

I'm 28 and have had far longer relationships end just as abruptly on me, but I've never felt this low and hopeless before in the aftermath. The break up coincided with me having to move somewhere rural for work temporarily. I've met very few people through work who would be similar in age to me and I've been working a lot of weekends so it's been very difficult not to feel isolated. I spend most evenings after work in my room crying. I would never admit that to my friends or my mum, but that's how devastated I am, even two months down the line.

I spent most of Christmas day in my room at home, crying. I didn't want to do it in front of the family so I just hid out after dinner. Nothing seems to make me feel any better. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. I just feel like this huge hope I had for the future has been taken away from me. I'm a pretty, slim, stylish girl with a good career and have a lot of lovely friends, but none of that seems to matter or mean anything anymore to me. I don't want to see anyone that isn't my ex or spend time with anybody else. Since he's dumped me, that amounts to me being on my own.

I've lied to friends and told them I'm grand, that I've been going out down here, that I'm my normal self. I'm moving back to the city where he lives in a couple of weeks and since we move in the same social circle, I know I'll see him regularly. But at this point, the thought of seeing him at all is what's keeping me going. Which I know is sad and pathetic.

My confidence is shot to pieces. Like I said, I know objectively that I'm a good looking girl and I'm a kind person. That hasn't changed cos a guy broke up with me, but I feel as though no guy would ever want to be with me again. I really liked the person I was when I was with my ex; I felt happier than I had in my whole life. I just don't know if I have it in me to ever conjure up that part of me for another man again.

I desperately need to snap out of this. I think the combination of being isolated and unexpectedly single has just gotten the better of me. I need to find a way to feel like my old self again or something that bears a resemblance to my old self, because this is just unbearable. I need advice other than "you may be depressed; go to your G.P." I'm open to anything but I've always been a really proactive person and I need concrete ways to pull myself together.

Roisy7

cantgetoverhim wrote: »

Two months ago, my boyfriend broke up with me.

We were going out for six months. It was a very intense six months and I fell for him very, very hard. He dumped me out of the blue without any real reason bar telling me ad nauseum that he "just wasn't ready for such a serious relationship". I don't need analysis of why the relationship ended; it's over now and the best thing I can do is just accept that. What I do need is help in moving on.

I'm 28 and have had far longer relationships end just as abruptly on me, but I've never felt this low and hopeless before in the aftermath. The break up coincided with me having to move somewhere rural for work temporarily. I've met very few people through work who would be similar in age to me and I've been working a lot of weekends so it's been very difficult not to feel isolated. I spend most evenings after work in my room crying. I would never admit that to my friends or my mum, but that's how devastated I am, even two months down the line.

I spent most of Christmas day in my room at home, crying. I didn't want to do it in front of the family so I just hid out after dinner. Nothing seems to make me feel any better. I can't sleep. I'm not eating. I just feel like this huge hope I had for the future has been taken away from me. I'm a pretty, slim, stylish girl with a good career and have a lot of lovely friends, but none of that seems to matter or mean anything anymore to me. I don't want to see anyone that isn't my ex or spend time with anybody else. Since he's dumped me, that amounts to me being on my own.

I've lied to friends and told them I'm grand, that I've been going out down here, that I'm my normal self. I'm moving back to the city where he lives in a couple of weeks and since we move in the same social circle, I know I'll see him regularly. But at this point, the thought of seeing him at all is what's keeping me going. Which I know is sad and pathetic.

My confidence is shot to pieces. Like I said, I know objectively that I'm a good looking girl and I'm a kind person. That hasn't changed cos a guy broke up with me, but I feel as though no guy would ever want to be with me again. I really liked the person I was when I was with my ex; I felt happier than I had in my whole life. I just don't know if I have it in me to ever conjure up that part of me for another man again.

I desperately need to snap out of this. I think the combination of being isolated and unexpectedly single has just gotten the better of me. I need to find a way to feel like my old self again or something that bears a resemblance to my old self, because this is just unbearable. I need advice other than "you may be depressed; go to your G.P." I'm open to anything but I've always been a really proactive person and I need concrete ways to pull myself together.

I'm younger than you and I could have written that post a few years back. My first boyfriend dumped me out of the blue (looking back it wasn't out of the blue at all) after a very intense six-month relationship, and it took me an age to get over it.

Advice? We cut ties completely as the relationship ended badly. In fact it wasn't until this year (5 years on) that we spoke again. So I'm sorry, seeing him is not going to make this better, it's going to make it worse.

Tell your friends that you're not ok. Don't do what I did- lie and tell them I was and then become a blubbering wreck on nights out. You're not weak because this guy hurt you.

Honestly I think it is the suddenness that has you feeling like this. Closure is important but to be honest you're not going to get it off this guy. You need to do the job yourself. You will know best how to do this. I always write letters and then burn them, it helps!

Again, you had to move out to the country, it's a combination of all these things. I dunno if it's depression as such, but perhaps mindfulness or meditation could help you overcome negative thoughts?

Intense relationships are the hardest to get over but they're also the hardest to maintain. You say you liked the person you were when you were with him? You still are that person, just minus him.

Best of luck OP I really hope that the future is brighter x

LegacyUser

You poor thing. I was through a sudden break up recently. Not the exact same circumstances as you, but an 8 month relationship that was going just great, and then suddenly we were breaking up. The pain is just immense and at times I thought I was going mad. Am feeling better now, though.

I did all the usual - cutting contact, eating well, doing exercise, talking to friends - and although at the beginning I didn't think it was doing any good it really helped.

The main thing I notice from your post is that you haven't told your friends or your family how miserable you're feeling. If that's not your thing, fine. But it may be what's missing. I found the talking so good. You don't have to be a moan all the time. You can even laugh about the situation and how utterly crap it is. It's true, nobody wants a total moan around them. But, really, try one of your friends out. Try a family member. Tell them you are feeling really blue. They are the people who will help you feel better.

Good luck and take good care of yourself.