My dad says I need to lose weight

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. Going unreg for this.

I'm 22. Female. I have depression.

As the title says, my dad has told me (again) tonight, that I need to lose weight. The thing is, he doesn't say it directly, he says it in passing conversation like it has no effect on me. The last time he said this was about 4 months ago when the whole family were on holidays. After that I couldn't enjoy the holiday and spent the whole time down and afraid to eat. He was aware of this and apologised.

The thing is - I am a size 12 on top, and 10 on bottom (sometimes in reverse). I have done a lot of research and 10-12 seems to be normal. I am 5"8, so I am tall for a girl, and I weigh 11st 10lbs. I know I could do with losing about a stone, but I wouldn't have considered myself "fat" or obese.

There are two issues here which my family fail to realise.

1) I was bullied very badly in school and attended many psychologists, the local priest and even a homeopath. They all know this. As a result, I am a very self conscious girl and I have very low self esteem.

2) I have depression. I was diagnosed by my GP and psychologist many years ago. I was advised to stop taking medication by my GP as I was constantly tired from it. However, I still have depression and my family don't seem to realise. When I get down, I get extremely down. They think this is me "in a mood" over something trivial. They don't realise what it going on in my head.

Last Christmas my mum and I had an argument over something very trivial. However, I couldn't "snap out" of the depression which I sank into, I knew in my head how laughable the argument was, but once I got into that dark place I couldn't get out of it. So I spent the whole day locked in my room, I didn't even have Christmas dinner.

This year I have tried so hard to make this Christmas special. I spent all day baking cakes which I have frozen for Christmas day. I also prepared the ham and other trimmings just to avoid a stressful Christmas day. But now, since my dad has said to me that I need to lose a few pounds (especially given the time of year), i cannot think of anything else and all the joy and excitement I had been experiencing up until now has been ruined. I am even afraid to eat now.

The other siblings in my family have told my dad that he was foolish to say this to me, as they all know how sensitive I am, but I don't know what it is, but I can't even talk or look at them now either. I just seem to want to be by myself, even though I know they are trying to cheer me up.

I wish anything that they would read up on depression and try to understand it. None of them realise just how sad I really am.

A close friend of the family tried committing suicide recently and they all spoke about how they couldn't understand why she would want to commit suicide. I understood fully as I was once in that place. However, even though I told my parents that I was many years ago, I don't honestly believe that they believe it.

I have no idea what to do.

keithclancy

Your dads being a clown, next time he passes comment on your weight just tell him to keep his comments to himself.

If he says "he's only doing it for your own good" tell him he's not doing a very good job.

cantdecide

I hope you're feeling better after sleeping on it, OP.

As a guy, I know what it's like to be [properly] overweight, to be criticised by close family for being so. I really hurts. It wasn't fair of him to say that especially when, by the sounds of it, you are far from having to 'deal with' your weight. I'm not an expert but you sound like you're at a healthy weight.

Firstly, I think they do sound very naive and ignorant about your situation. You must try to forgive them/ him. Some of us are just built differently to the rest and I know I can be over sensitive. You know better so unfortunately, you have to try to be the bigger person and try to encourage them to think before they speak. Just try to make them see that you are hurt easily and you're not just being a drama queen. Also, just ask yourself if he was being critical, or if he was trying to be supportive in a cack handed manner, like if he believes that literally, a bit of abstinence for a couple of weeks and you're at your ideal weight. He really could have just been trying to encourage you to be the best you can be and might be and thinks that it's a far more trivial matter than you do.

Please don't let this ruin your Christmas. You've worked so hard and after last year going so badly, it would be so great if you could clear the air. Your feelings are hurt but I think a lot of this could just be a misunderstanding on both your parts.

iPink

going_unreg wrote: »

Hi everyone. Going unreg for this.

I'm 22. Female. I have depression.

As the title says, my dad has told me (again) tonight, that I need to lose weight. The thing is, he doesn't say it directly, he says it in passing conversation like it has no effect on me. The last time he said this was about 4 months ago when the whole family were on holidays. After that I couldn't enjoy the holiday and spent the whole time down and afraid to eat. He was aware of this and apologised.

The thing is - I am a size 12 on top, and 10 on bottom (sometimes in reverse). I have done a lot of research and 10-12 seems to be normal. I am 5"8, so I am tall for a girl, and I weigh 11st 10lbs. I know I could do with losing about a stone, but I wouldn't have considered myself "fat" or obese.

There are two issues here which my family fail to realise.

1) I was bullied very badly in school and attended many psychologists, the local priest and even a homeopath. They all know this. As a result, I am a very self conscious girl and I have very low self esteem.

2) I have depression. I was diagnosed by my GP and psychologist many years ago. I was advised to stop taking medication by my GP as I was constantly tired from it. However, I still have depression and my family don't seem to realise. When I get down, I get extremely down. They think this is me "in a mood" over something trivial. They don't realise what it going on in my head.

Last Christmas my mum and I had an argument over something very trivial. However, I couldn't "snap out" of the depression which I sank into, I knew in my head how laughable the argument was, but once I got into that dark place I couldn't get out of it. So I spent the whole day locked in my room, I didn't even have Christmas dinner.

This year I have tried so hard to make this Christmas special. I spent all day baking cakes which I have frozen for Christmas day. I also prepared the ham and other trimmings just to avoid a stressful Christmas day. But now, since my dad has said to me that I need to lose a few pounds (especially given the time of year), i cannot think of anything else and all the joy and excitement I had been experiencing up until now has been ruined. I am even afraid to eat now.

The other siblings in my family have told my dad that he was foolish to say this to me, as they all know how sensitive I am, but I don't know what it is, but I can't even talk or look at them now either. I just seem to want to be by myself, even though I know they are trying to cheer me up.

I wish anything that they would read up on depression and try to understand it. None of them realise just how sad I really am.

A close friend of the family tried committing suicide recently and they all spoke about how they couldn't understand why she would want to commit suicide. I understood fully as I was once in that place. However, even though I told my parents that I was many years ago, I don't honestly believe that they believe it.

I have no idea what to do.

You poor thing, you sound so down. From what you have said you most certainly are not overweight.
Many people use this as an excuse to target something very personal in another in an effort to make themselves feel better, it sounds like your Dad has low self-esteem and is using getting at you to boost himself.
How is he at other times & in the past? Were there other signs of abusive comments?

I too know what it is like to be in that dark place, I lived there for years, the only thing that helped me get through it was counselling... I was on a cocktail of meds for years and (wrongly) diagnosed with a serious mental illness. I have been free from meds & (mostly) ok for around 4 years now, though I was told that if I stopped taking them I would be in hospital within 6 months!!

My father was very abusive both mentally & physically... I know the damage it can do to your soul.
I am also considered the 'sensitive' one of the family... Like that implies some sort of blame!!

Please be kind to yourself, this is not your fault, you are trying to make the best of this legacy that has been handed to you, you should let your father know that his underhanded comments are hurtful & not welcome (if you feel able) and try to get some help for yourself as soon as possible. There are many low- cost counselling places springing up around the country if cost is an issue.

Mind yourself XX

Do NOT ask posters to PM you. Its not permitted on the Personal Issues forum.Please read the Charter

YumCha

Have a lot of sympathy for you OP, but unfortunately the nature of depression is that it usually comes down to the actual victim to get help, which is a horrible catch 22 since it's an illness that makes you completely unmotivated (been there before).

I'd recommend either going back to your GP or finding another one. You didn't go into detail of what treatments you tried, but any doctor worth their salt won't give up. In my case I had to push my GP for 2 years - was going to counselling, on medication etc. - and after all that it turned out it was the Pill that was causing it all.

I'd also try and find a support group - unfortunately I found my family and friends didn't really get it either, and those that did were sympathetic in the beginning, but got exhausted quite quickly.

Best of luck - and btw that comment from your dad is absolutely thoughtless - you deserve a million times better considering what you're going through.

iPink

I meant to say also that this kind of comment (targeting weight or something equally personal) can be very controlling behaviour... Especially at it seems totally unfounded. You are certainly within the healthy weight range for your height.
I do not think there is any grounds here for it being a concerned or 'I'm here to help'' type of intervention.

vard

You said yourself that you could probably do with losing a stone, so I don't think your father is being unreasonable. He's most likely just worried for your health.

Confront him, acknowledge the issue as you have here and perhaps he won't feel the need to mention it.

It sounds as if he just cares.

Best of luck

iPink

vard wrote: »

You said yourself that you could probably do with losing a stone, so I don't think your father is being unreasonable. He's most likely just worried for your health.

Confront him, acknowledge the issue as you have here and perhaps he won't feel the need to mention it.

It sounds as if he just cares.

Best of luck

OP is 1lb over what is considered the healthy range for her height, she might like to lose a stone to fit in with social trends but she is nowhere near being an unhealthy weight!

Someone who cares does not casually throw a comment like that into a family holiday or offhanded conversation. Particularly to someone known to be down or depressed

Lorna123

I remember years ago that my dad said this to me too. Like you, I was not overweight but I sat down one day and he said that my legs were getting fat. What a stupid thing for him to say to me, but when you sit down on a chair your thighs sort of spread out but it was a rotten thing for him to say. I didn't reply as I didn't know what to say, but thinking back I remember how I felt. I just immediately felt that he didn't love me anymore and that it was a cruel thing for him to say, which it was. I kind of lost respect for him too for a day or two after that, thinking to myself that this is not how a father should act. Now years later I just put it down to ignorance on his part. It wasn't the thing to say to a teenage girl who would have been all into her looks, but nobody is perfect and that was a flaw in him, not me. He showed me plenty of love too throughout my life so this glitch in his personality just had to be forgotten about. It sounds like your father is just ignorant too OP, in that he said this without realizing how it might effect you. He didn't mean any harm and probably thought he was helping you to continue looking good, that if you didn't watch it you might put on too much weight. The thing is that he still loves you OP and like my father he just said the wrong thing. We all do it at times.

iPink

iPink wrote: »

Do NOT ask posters to PM you. Its not permitted on the Personal Issues forum.Please read the Charter

My apologies

Niamho!

You're the same height as me and around the same weight, so I know you're not overweight!!!

If you're happy as you are then screw what anyone else says, if you want to lose a few pounds then do it for yourself, nobody else!

Christmas is for enjoying, and if that involves stuffing your face (I know it does for me!!) then do it!

Also...I thought size 14 was about average, so there ya go!! Who knows what "average" is.

LegacyUser

Look OP, the problem is not so much your Dad's comment (unneccessary though it may be) but your reaction to it, as you've stated yourself.

I suffered very badly from depression throughout my twenties, so recognise full well the spiral of darkness a trivial throwaway comment can cause.

I was lucky, I told one friend who happened to be the child of a GP - he gave me an almighty kick up the arse to go to a doctor. And before you respond that you've tried anti-depressants and they didn't work for you - they didn't work for me either. The first lot he put me on made no difference, the second lot made me worse. But I was desperate (I was self-harmng at this stage, and had lost so many friends over my hyper-sensitivity and moodiness) so I kept going back to him. I literally didn't know what else to do.

The third one he put me on...I was at the end of my rope. But after 3 days, it was extraordinary. It was like I could feel my strength returning. I knew 100% that it was already starting to help me. It saved my life.

People will ALWAYS make stupid thoughtless comments - that's life, unfortunately. It's how resilient you are that matters. You need to get your resilience back. I did - but only by going back to the doctor and baldly saying "It's not working, I know you have several others we could try"

vard

iPink wrote: »

OP is 1lb over what is considered the healthy range for her height,

Therefore she is overweight, and not at a healthy weight.

I honestly don't mean to be harsh, but it's important to consider that we don't get to hear both sides of the story with these threads. To instantly jump to the conclusion that the OP's father is being controlling and vindictive doesn't help either party and runs the risk of inflaming an already convoluted situation. When it comes to weight related issues people are very often in denial - I'm in no way suggesting that the OP isn't completely genuine in everything she's said so far, but for us to really offer any useful advice we would need a much better understanding; one that can only really be gained through an unbiased account from both sides.

Murt10

Men, in general, are stupid insensitive pigs. (I know, guilty as charged, and I've been told often enough). They make comments that they don't expect to be taken seriously or without putting their brain in gear.

I was told by Mrs Murt that on no account should I ever comment on our childrens weight. I didn't, but I possibly would have, had I not been warned, not to in the first place.

I think maybe that its time that you moved away from your Father (if that's possible). Either, he is more insensitive than most men, or, he's a very nasty piece of work.

Either way, he's not doing you any good.

beks101

iPink wrote: »

OP is 1lb over what is considered the healthy range for her height, she might like to lose a stone to fit in with social trends but she is nowhere near being an unhealthy weight!

Someone who cares does not casually throw a comment like that into a family holiday or offhanded conversation. Particularly to someone known to be down or depressed

Agree 100%. Sorry for what you're having to deal with OP.

Not to generalise, but I've found that men tend to be more vocal about weight, less sensitive and more 'pragmatic' lets say when it comes to the subject, I'd imagine because it tends to be a less emotive matter for them loaded with far less baggage than for women. It tends to be a very personal thing for many women, with a strong hook into our self esteem, self image, sense of confidence and even identity. Speaking generally, of course

Not that it forgive your Dad's behaviour, which is totally out of line, but just to explain how to him it might not be done with any malice intent and may well simply be that he wants the best for you.

You're by no stretch of the imagination massively overweight or anything so it's totally uncalled for. I'd suggest you pull him aside quietly the next time it happens and tell him how much it hurts you and affects your self esteem.

Oryx

I agree with the earlier reply that this is not about your dad's comment. This is about your perception of everything around you. Your depression is warping how you react to everyone, and that is what you need to tackle, rather than your insensitive dad or your weight.

Depression makes you withdraw which means its harder to seek the help you need. And you do need proper help, be that medication or therapy. I know you've tried before but try again, you need to find the solution that works for you. It is possible.

Many people find it hard to comprehend depression, unless you've experienced its effects I think its difficult to grasp how low it brings you. So your family may never really understand, if they are upbeat people. But they do care, don't lose sight of that. On your good days explain what's going on in your head when you are suffering. Tell them how low you go, that it's not just a bad mood. Communicate with them even if you still don't think they will 'get it'. It's far better for you than hiding it and pretending.

I've mentioned it already, I'll say it again. Go back to seek treatment, don't deal with this alone. You are a unique individual and with help you will find your unique way of dealing with this.

Ando's Saggy Bottom

I read a good little pearl of wisdom lately:
Life is 10% what happens us and 90% how we react to it.

I do think it was crass and insensitive of your Dad to say what he did. It doesn't even matter that you aren't overweight by the sound of it. Nobody has the right to comment on someone else's size regardless of how big or small they are.

But the important thing now is how you react. You need to let him know this is unacceptable. Tell him how sad and hurt it makes you. Tell him if it happens again you won't stay around to be insulted. By doing this you will empower yourself and will have reacted positively instead of negatively.

Good luck.

iPink

vard wrote: »

Therefore she is overweight, and not at a healthy weight.

I honestly don't mean to be harsh, but it's important to consider that we don't get to hear both sides of the story with these threads. To instantly jump to the conclusion that the OP's father is being controlling and vindictive doesn't help either party and runs the risk of inflaming an already convoluted situation. When it comes to weight related issues people are very often in denial - I'm in no way suggesting that the OP isn't completely genuine in everything she's said so far, but for us to really offer any useful advice we would need a much better understanding; one that can only really be gained through an unbiased account from both sides.

I still don't agree... and I would put money on it that you are male!
No offense but 1lb is nothing, could be a number of things, even eating too much salt the day before!! I know my own weight can fluctuate by as much as 5lb the week before or after my 'time of the month' but I still look and feel the same, it's 100% hormones & water retention, not fat which is the only thing those scales are interested in!!

The fact is, that comments like yours, could tip the balance for an already obviously hurt and depressed person who possibly has a mild eating disorder (stops eating & starves herself etc over hurtful comments)... calling someone that is 1lb over the 'range' made up by total strangers overweight is laughable in my opinion.... if she were 10lb or 20lb over then it would be a different story!!

castaway_lady

vard wrote: »

Therefore she is overweight, and not at a healthy weight.

I honestly don't mean to be harsh, but it's important to consider that we don't get to hear both sides of the story with these threads. To instantly jump to the conclusion that the OP's father is being controlling and vindictive doesn't help either party and runs the risk of inflaming an already convoluted situation. When it comes to weight related issues people are very often in denial - I'm in no way suggesting that the OP isn't completely genuine in everything she's said so far, but for us to really offer any useful advice we would need a much better understanding; one that can only really be gained through an unbiased account from both sides.

One pound...at that rate tomorrow she could be within the healthy range, women's weight often varies by a couple of pounds from day to day, cycle stages etc. So I think that honing in on this as a part of the overall issue is ridiculous.

vard

iPink wrote: »

I still don't agree... and I would put money on it that you are male!
No offense but 1lb is nothing, could be a number of things, even eating too much salt the day before!! I know my own weight can fluctuate by as much as 5lb the week before or after my 'time of the month' but I still look and feel the same, it's 100% hormones & water retention, not fat which is the only thing those scales are interested in!!

The fact is, that comments like yours, could tip the balance for an already obviously hurt and depressed person who possibly has a mild eating disorder (stops eating & starves herself etc over hurtful comments)... calling someone that is 1lb over the 'range' made up by total strangers overweight is laughable in my opinion.... if she were 10lb or 20lb over then it would be a different story!!

The fact is, you don't know; I don't know; we don't know.

If the OP is overweight to the detriment of her health (that being the definition of overweight) then - if not acknowledged - it is the responsibility of a parent to mention it. How it should be mentioned is another question, but whether it should be mentioned or not shouldn't be up for discussion.

Of course that's all entirely dependent on whether or not she is overweight. Which, as I'll say again - seeing as we do not know - rules us out and nullifies any advice we attempt to offer.

I'm bemused to see someone write that "Nobody has the right to comment on someone else's size regardless of how big or small they are". Not because they're wrong, but because that's just the type of ill-informed opinion which contributes to the increasingly major weight/obesity problem in this country. You'll be happy to know that, in general, parents are perfectly happy to ignore such issues and don't bother acknowledging that their children are overweight. Sometimes for fear of "hurting their feelings"; sometimes because they don't really care for their health. Either excuse is equally poor.

To insinuate that I can't comment or don't understand because you'd "put money on me being male" is very dismissive and ignorant. There are many males who are just as sensitive regarding weight. There are an increasing number of males suffering from eating disorders; there are male anorexics; males who are underweight and males who are overweight. Their physical and mental health is at at an identical risk to females in such situations.

The issue here seems less about weight though and more about the OP's depression, so I apologise for focusing on that one point. One might influence the other, but to really deal with either problem you need a healthy mind. Depression can skew how we look at things and I know first hand that people and their comments can often feel like more of a nuisance than the good intentions they're usually meant to be. As I'm sure you know, some people will be more understanding than others; some might be utterly clueless, but in general people DO care.

It's worrying to see people assuming that her father is bad - "a nasty piece of work" as one person put it - even going so far as to suggest that she abandon him. Why do you completely rule out the possibility that he is simply a caring parent? I accept that I know nothing about either person or their individual circumstances... but neither do you. How can you make such sweeping comments and offer such drastic advice when you're just as clueless as I am?

OP, I applaud you taking these first few steps towards tackling your depression. If I was to offer some safe advice, based on what you've said, I think you should open up (much as you've done with us here) to your family. You mention that none of them seem to realise just how said you are. People are all too often blissfully unaware. I'm sure everyone would benefit if you tell them.

Best of luck with everything. I hope you had a good Christmas in the end

a posse ad esse

iPink wrote: »

OP is 1lb over what is considered the healthy range for her height, she might like to lose a stone to fit in with social trends but she is nowhere near being an unhealthy weight!

Someone who cares does not casually throw a comment like that into a family holiday or offhanded conversation. Particularly to someone known to be down or depressed

This could be true but also keep in mind we don't know the whole situation. The OP may have have weighed less and gained extra weight. Even though her current weight is healthy according to her height perhaps the weight gain is a sign that she relapsed into depression again. Hence the father's comment. I gained a kilo since moving over to Canada which was more due to stress eating and the climate and my hubby made a similar comment like the OP's father. I did not take it personally and know my husband was saying it out of concern more than malice.

The issue of the weight may have to do with the OP's depression. More often times than not people with depression are more prone to weight gain. Whether it is the side effects of the meds or stress induced eating. I agree her father could have expressed himself more sensitively considering the OP's condition. The first step is for the OP to communicate openly with her family about her moods. How are they to know how she is really feeling?

OP, I strongly suggest you seek counselling again. Depression is prone to relapse and winter is the time a year when most are at risk. I suffered from depression and was on meds a while back. It is not easy and there is no cure. Depression is like diabetes and asthma it is a chronic condition that needs life long treatment and care. The moment you stop taking care of yourself is the moment where it creeps back up again.

The first step is to go back to Cognitive Behavioural Therapy as that is the best for combatting depression. Therapy can help you to learn to desensitise yourself and learn new and healthier coping strategies to stress and any negative thoughts and feelings.

treccie

OP, would it be unfair of me to suggest that the problem doesnt lie with your dad at all, it's your low self esteem. when our self esteem is low we only pick up on the negative things other people say and we focus on them until they drag us down. I've been there.

When your self esteem is higher you can listen to comments such as his and logically assess it and be happy knowing that what your dad said is just an invalid statement and therefore something that you will not let affect you in any way.

Funny thing is when we grow up we are taught lots of things, but we are not taught how to think, how to process thoughts and beliefs. I would love to recommend a programme called the Thrive programme to you, to say it completely changed my life would be underselling it.

kjl

Don't take this the wrong was OP, but you could do with losing a bit of weight.

You currently have a BMI of 25 which is fine and healthy, but from the sounds of it you get little exercise. Exercise can help lift depression and boost your self image. I know it's hard to get started but really even if you did 2 -3 gym works a week and made a plant to try and eat more fruit and veg and cut down on sugar and refined carbs you wouldn't know yourself in as little as two months.

You are by no means fat so you don't need to worry about feeling out of place. I am sure you father doesn't think your fat, but more you need to get a little exercise in your life. If you find that after two months of this your depression hasn't lifted, you should contact you GP as you may be suffering from clinical depression.

mikemac1

At that height and weight you're certainly not fat but you said yourself you could lose a stone

Now I'm reading comments about the father being abusive and was he abusive in the past? Wow, why don't we hang him....

I'm a lad, a tad taller then you and have weighed a lot more then you.
And yes, parents comment on my weight and it hurts, it realy does. A knife to the chest.
But you can use that as motivation to drive you on or you can dwell on it and upset you for the next several weeks

But parents always do this. If you were slim you'd be told to sit down and feed yourself and aren't you fading to nothing. Parents worry and pass comments no matter what shape you are in


The main issue here isn't even your weight, it's your depression and how you react to the world around you.

If he said anything else, you're not a confident driver, you're fairly useless at cooking, whatever he said I'd be reading a similar thread

You need help with the depression, not with the weight

If your self esteem was healthy you'd blow this comment off and not give it a second thought.
But your self esteem is so low now it's upset you. It wasn't the comment, it was your reaction

Chronic Button

BMI was formulated by insurance companies, not medical professionals.

The OP's weight is nobody's effin business but her own.

OP just learn to filter the comments of ar$eholes and enjoy your healthy strong body and all it can do for you.

Look after yourself.

AhInFairness

vard wrote: »

Of course that's all entirely dependent on whether or not she is overweight. Which, as I'll say again - seeing as we do not know - rules us out and nullifies any advice we attempt to offer.

Personally I prefer to actually go on the information the OP has provided in cases like these. She has said she is 5'8 and she weighs 11st 10 lbs. As has been pointed out to you, this puts her at a healthy weight for her height. You however, seem rather insistant on insinuating that the OP is lying about these figures which I really don't see as being in any way helpful to the OP at all. She suffers from depression and has had her father comment on her weight - you can bet your arse she has more than likely weighed herself a million times.

OP, I completely understand where you are coming from. I also suffer from depression and I found that counselling has really helped me. Work on your self esteem with a counsellor and when you feel up to it perhaps let your father know that you don't appreciate his comments about your weight and would prefer if he refrained from making them in the future.

Focus on you and getting better.

Cork24

The best thing for u is to move out if your dad is acting like this..

Is no good for your health or well being..

Luca Brasi

Niamho! wrote: »

You're the same height as me and around the same weight, so I know you're not overweight!!!

If you're happy as you are then screw what anyone else says, if you want to lose a few pounds then do it for yourself, nobody else!

Christmas is for enjoying, and if that involves stuffing your face (I know it does for me!!) then do it!

Also...I thought size 14 was about average, so there ya go!! Who knows what "average" is.

If you did want to lose a stone it should be as part of ageneral get healthy regime with exercise and diet. Exercise can help with depressive feelings as well as restoring confidence. However it should be becasue you want to get fitter not because of some parent telling you

FeatherFelicis

I know exactly where your coming from, except I am a size 16 and I no I should lose weight. My family are constantly on about weightloss it drives me nuts sometimes. I have bipolar disorder which is very similar to depression and my family dont understand either. Im not aloud to speak to anybody about it because it will bring shame to the family! I laugh it now. But the best tips i can give you is, try go for walk for bout 15mins to 30mins a day. Take up puzzle games there great for the head. Also when somebody says something negative I do either two things, I count to 10 in my head and take deep breath or I keep elastic band on my wrist and i pull it. People only say negative things because they have issues with themselves according to my counsellor. I wish you you happiness for the new year but remember there is so much support out there and they are fantastic. Make sure you keep them numbers on ur mobile phone at times.