Met someone with ex girlfriend issues

LegacyUser

Would love to hear some opinions on this.

About 2 months ago I went out with a friend of mine and his friend. I have kissed my friend a few times over the years but have told him nothing can happen as I dont feel that way. Anyway he has a girlfriend now.

The friend works with my friend...public sector. We didnt kiss on the first night but arranged to meet up 2 weeks later, bit of facebooking and txting in between. Anyway, we met up, absolutely hit it off, GREAT chemistry. I went home with him but there was no sex, just loads of kissing and cuddling. at the risk of sounding like a complete idiot i'll say this anyway. I just knew and still am of the belief that there was/is something more there.

Long story short, my friend had told me before I kissed him that he was with a girl for 6-7 years house together etc etc. Then he found out that she had beencheating on him for over a year. Their relationship ended last jan/feb I think. He txt me to tell me that although it was obvious we get on really well he doesnt trust anyone and his head was melted. I left him to it. Sent a couple of msgs after but then left it at that.

Ive met other people in between, was even seeing someone for a month but he crosses my mind CONSTANTLY. Anyway fast forward to saturday night. I bumped into him randomly when he was on his christmas party. It was pretty obvious that there was still something there and we ended up kissing again.

I cant describe how I feel really as if I heard another girl saying this id probably tell her to cop on. But I just know theres something there.

I txt him a random message but he didnt reply. "If he was into you hed make contact" is what id tell my friends...but I suppose part of me is wondering about whats going through his head with what happened with his ex.

Noone can tell me that of course but what are your general views? Id like to add that im not the kind who meets men and falls for them straight away. Im the opposite really and this really has my mind doing cartwheels.

Merkin

He sounds like he has a whole host of issues and simply isn't in the head space to be with someone after what has happened. I find if you listen hard enough, people will actually tell you what's going on and that is exactly what he has done, he has explicitly said that right now he is not in a position to trust anyone and that his head is melted. This is a shame considering you had a connection and got on so well. If I were you I wouldn't force the issue but would definitely keep the lines of communication open. Maybe get to know one another better platonically and hopefully over time he will see that you're a good girl. I wouldn't write it off completely - I think perhaps a slowly, slowly catchy monkey approach is best here. You have to respect where his head is at but hopefully it won't always be the case

Big Bag of Chips

I think he's just not as in to you, as you are with him.

The ex girlfriend is an excuse. If he felt something strong enough and really wanted to be with you then he would.

People get cheated on, all the time. They don't stay single forever as a result.

Take your own advice... If he was interested he'd contact you (or at least reply to your message!)

Edit: meant to add, and I agree with Merkin, maybe overtime he will fall for you, and realise that you could be a couple... But he's not there yet.. and he might never get there.

ash23

I was with someone for a long time and he cheated on me. Initially after we split, I wasn't capable of having a relationship, not a functional one anyway.

I had flings and all but I wasn't interested in getting involved with someone and needed to be single for a while. It took me a number of years to get to a place where I was able to trust and be in a healthy relationship.

So my advice is to leave him be. Whether he just isn't interested or if he is just a mess after his breakup, either way, he's not going to be any good for you.

cantdecide

Totally different circumstances but I recently met someone and there was just this really chemistry from the start. I was CERTAIN that something was on the cards but in the end, I knew there was something in the way. Be thankful that you have the inside track. It would be much worse if you were going through this with no idea why he was treating you this way. The advice I'd give you is what you would give yourself; just keep trying to move forward and focus on your own story. What will be will be.

IrishEyes19

Is it possible he just feels the same way you felt about friend number 1. Kissing but not invested in a relationship or dating.