How to stop having feelings for someone

LegacyUser

There is this girl I work directly with in work that I've developed very strong feeling's for and it's driving me crazy, I'm almost sure she's single as well but I don't think I have a chance with her because we work together and also because I,m quite overweight, my feelings for her has led me to become quite obsessive about losing weight, I've lost 20lbs in a month but I still have a fair bit to go.It doesn't happen often but I really hate it when I fall for someone and not being able to do anything about it, the one good thing is that we text each other alot, like almost every night but it's mainly work related stuff, perhaps I've fallen for her so fast because I haven't had much success with girls down through the years and I'm a bit emotionally immature, I could ask her out I suppose but it would be fair awkward being in the same work enviroment if she said no and she would surely tell other people, it's a non starter anyway because i need to love myself before I would be confident enough to ask her out.It must be obvious to her that I fancy her when I'm in conversation with her, girls are very good at picking up the signs, anyway the one positive that can be taken from all this is that I'm so determined to get in shape

beks101

Basically you can't.

What you can do is acknowledge the feelings and decide what you want to do with them. E.G 1. Act on them and ask her out, or 2. keep them to yourself and move on.

It's not a great idea to be texting this girl every night if you have feelings and don't think you can move on from them, is there anyone else in your workplace you could be communicating with instead of her to get your job done?

Congratulations on the weight loss That's not easy.

Maybe you could focus on that and your fitness as a way of building your confidence. Do you train at the gym? Maybe you could start a specific programme & food plan, create a few target goals for the new year?

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

Basically you can't.

What you can do is acknowledge the feelings and decide what you want to do with them. E.G 1. Act on them and ask her out, or 2. keep them to yourself and move on.

It's not a great idea to be texting this girl every night if you have feelings and don't think you can move on from them, is there anyone else in your workplace you could be communicating with instead of her to get your job done?

Congratulations on the weight loss That's not easy.

Maybe you could focus on that and your fitness as a way of building your confidence. Do you train at the gym? Maybe you could start a specific programme & food plan, create a few target goals for the new year?

OP Here, to be honest I don't want to stop having feelings for her, if I was in shape I would definitely go for it, I would probably ask her to do something thats more friend orientated as oposed to full on date type stuffjust to testthe water, regarding the texting, more often than not she instigates it, and its not really about stuff I need to do my job, just general chit chat

cantdecide

Firstly, fair play on losing weight. I know what it's like to be at a point where I must do something about my weight. Secondly, stop reading 'the signs'. The texting thing could be just that she sees you as a safe person. What really matters here is whether you're going to do something about it or not.

I've been in this situation before and what I do is ask if they have a bf. I try to do this in a sweet and light way but the intention must be clear and you can't be too intrusive. If the answer is yes, you can easily backtrack before it gets awkward. If she says no, then you're going to have to take that swallow and come out with it. If she knocks you back, then I hope you can start moving on- I've never regretted asking someone out. A couple of times it's actually cemented a friendship, believe it or not.

You'd never know- she may have been waiting for you to make your move. Rooting for you man:)

Starokan

I think you should ask her out, it might be awkward for a day or two if she says no but in all likelihood even if she says no she will more likely be flattered that you thought enough of her to ask.

Also if you know there is not going to be a future in it you may find your feelings about her naturally dissipate as well

Go for it and hopefully she likes you as much as you like her

Congrats on the weight loss too

Wacker The Attacker

You have very little, if any control over these kinds of feelings. They are not the sort of feelings you can just turn on and off.

Only disclose your feelings once you've come to terms with the possibility that it may alter your relationship with this person irrevocably for better or worse.