Making life changing decisions....

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I’ve been on here both logged in as an anon on and off for the last while, and appreciate all the feedback I ever got. Most of the time, it was down to insecurity issues, or failed attempts at relationships. However, they are only a small part of a bigger issue - me. I was looking for someone else to tell me what to do rather than look in the mirror and do it for myself.

This time, I am facing up to what I need to do. I’m not looking for advice as such or guidance. Just opinions I guess, as what I have to do to make things right will be, to me, life changing, path changing, scary, very liberating, risky, worth it. All rolled into one…
I’m mid 30s. The last few years personally and professionally have been bad, the worst yet for me. This is all by choice. I had opportunities to change things and I didn’t. So I need to.

I lived abroad for a while 10 years ago. (this is not a will or won’t I go abroad post). I came back and always had the itch and desire to live abroad again, even for a year or so. It came and went, life here got in the way. Relationships and jobs came and went, and always, always, the issue of going abroad again would come up during or after one of these ended. I was very close to going twice in the last few years, but never really came out with it, and did it. At one stage, and currently I suppose, I find it very hard to commit to anything while I am in this state. I was in half hearted relationships trying to fool myself that “yeah, this is it”. My insecurities finished off relationships. Even though people say “You’re a great guy etc.”, I was never full sure of myself. Something I am facing up to.
I am an artistic person. I got involved in projects that initially I liked, but then I got very unhappy and the feeling of being trapped, as I thought I had to “stick around” to see them through. Again, I could/can never mentally fully commit myself.

A good opportunity has potentially come up in a faraway land next year for me. I am far far more excited about the prospect of heading away again than I am about making art. It will require me to cease the artistic project I am involved in. This has been a defining part of me for the last 4 or 5 years, and indirectly for the last 10 years in some way. It is a big decision. Nobody will be expecting it. I have thought about for a while but it may fracture friendships, it will change people’s opinions of me no doubt, and it’s almost like breaking it off with someone you love, but can’t be with.

But it doesn’t define me. It’s only a small part of me, but it’s not ME. What’s going on in my head (abroad) stunts my inspiration or desire for anything else, or to commit to anything else 100% passionately. I have one option to move for work in Ireland now. From one city to another. It’s a compromise. It always feels like a compromise, as I know I should be moving abroad.

I have a big decision/chat coming up with people. I don’t know what their reaction will be. I am scared and thrilled to be doing it. I can’t believe I’m doing it. I have told everyone else how I feel bar the people I should be telling. This is going to be hard. How to time it. Before or after Christmas. I guess no time is a good time...........

looksee

Its a bit difficult to know what you are asking OP. Are you saying that you want to go abroad but have settled for moving to another city? Either move will involve giving up your art project. Why go to another city if you can go abroad, which is what you want to do?

cantdecide

One thing to bear in mind is that wherever you go, there you are.

I left Ireland on my own last year and things went badly in lots of respects. Weather was too crap to travel so flipped my plans and decided to job hunt. Eroded my substantial savings while job hunting unsuccessfully. The prolonged job hunt also meant I wasn't able to enjoy the experience of being a traveller. I got a job that sucked bawls just as the weather turned good. All in all, I swapped one rut for another. I broke out of this rut by selling up to move on where I promptly had an accident and ended up back in Ireland broke in every sense of the word.

In short, leave if you can and want to take whatever comes but don't leave because the grass is greener. Only you know what would truly motivate you whether it's the perfect job or the perfect relationship.

LegacyUser

Well, abroad is what I would like to do. It might work out. It might not work out. But the decision I make and the people I tell is a big thing for me. It's something nagging at me. It could be anything nagging at someone else, just happens to be that for me.
I suppose "making the decision". It's going to change a lot of things for me. At the moment, I feel the grass is greener. It can't get any worse! It's also just as hard to mow I know.....

LegacyUser

well. I made the decision. Just lost a friend I think....