Home Alone at Xmas

LegacyUser

I’ve never been a fan of Xmas, I didn’t grow up in a happy family and so it’s never been a wonderful family time like it is for most people. I want to stay in bed for the day and not get up. It’s never been a time of happiness, in fact all it does is bring back bad unhappy memories
This year through severe financial difficulties and also choice if I’m honest; I’m spending Xmas on my own.

I live in the UK and for people I know in Ireland I’m telling them I’m spending it with my UK friends. For work colleagues I’m telling them I’m going back to Ireland. But it’s my really close friends and family I don’t know what to say to. I don’t want their pity or for them to feel uncomfortable, I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I just want the day to be over. But I don’t want to lie to them either. I’ve lied to a few people about it, acquaintances/colleagues and I know it’s the best thing to do, people get uncomfortable if you don’t conform to the happy stereotypical let’s pretend we all love Xmas and play happy families. But to close people, I’d feel bad about it, but I think perhaps its best?

I don’t go on about it, but I’d an unhappy upbringing and a mother who is a narcissist and incapable of love. She has never cared about me, never been there for me when I needed her and is capable of incredible cruelty and I’ve tried and tried to have a meaningful relationship but it’s just not possible. My father unfortunately is dead.

So what to do? Do I lie or do I tell the truth.

miamee

Sorry to hear that you feel this is your only choice at Christmas. I understand why you are opting out of a family Christmas but I think it would be better to be upfront and honest with your family and close friends and say that for one year you want to have a calm, peaceful, stress-free Christmas by yourself. Maybe also mention that coming home will cost you money that you cannot afford at the moment.
If you could spend the day with friends, would you? They might offer when you tell them you don't want to spend it with family. Though this may also mean travelling home, I'm not sure of your circumstances.
If you are determined to spend the day by yourself, plan something nice for your day, some things to get excited about. Then when you are telling friends and family, they will see how excited and positive you are about the day and hopefully not badger you into coming home. I hope it works out for you and you have a great Christmas, whatever you end up doing

why dont you just tell people at home you're not going because you cant afford it, or havent enough time off work?
tell your friends in england that you dont feel comfortable intruding on someones xmas day. maybe they might invite you over after the dinner for a few drinks, that could be nice.
if you dont fancy it just tell them you dont want to intrude.

ive spent many xmas day alone due to working during that day or night.
its no big deal really. and i LOVE xmas!!

Raminahobbin

If you genuinely WANT to spend Christmas alone, you probably shouldn't tell people you can't afford it. If I was in your shoes, I know my family would band together and get me flights home as a present. If they didn't do that, they'd end up ringing you several times throughout the day and you'd get the pity voices :rolleyes: Just tell them you're spending Christmas with friends. In fact, just say that to everyone, it'll be easier.

ManOfMystery

If you're intent on spending it alone, why spend the day in bed? At least try and enjoy the day - get some nice food for yourself, a few movies, don't do any housework, etc. None of these things will cost a fortune but you may as well keep yourself occupied rather than lying in bed thinking about what a crap day it is.

Remember - Xmas may be a time of celebration and all that (according to everyone else), but it's really just another date in the calendar when you remove all the window dressing that accompanies it. It's just another day, and if you look at it like that there's no need to be curled up in bed with the covers over your head and wishing it would end. It's a day off work when absolutely everywhere is going to be quiet, so if you're spending it alone then see it as an opportunity to take it easy, treat yourself and pig out a bit

LegacyUser

Thanks for the responses.

I think I'm going to tell most people that I'm with friends. It's easier that way. I've had plenty of offers of places to go for Xmas but ive said no.Xmas is a time of family and being with other people who aren't my family will just highlight what I'm missing out on and what I've never had. I just want the day to be over.

looksee

You could easily be doing someone a favour by taking them up on the Christmas offer! Having another person around makes things a bit more interesting and improves people's manners no end!

You could just go and enjoy yourself, you do not have to dwell on the comparisons. Don't worry about other people wondering why you are not home, just say vaguely that you don't have enough time off and hate travelling at Christmas (exactly the real reasons my own daughter is not coming back! She got caught for 4 days in the snow year before last) no one will give it another thought.

Queen-Mise

Home Alone wrote: »

Thanks for the responses.

I think I'm going to tell most people that I'm with friends. It's easier that way. I've had plenty of offers of places to go for Xmas but ive said no.Xmas is a time of family and being with other people who aren't my family will just highlight what I'm missing out on and what I've never had. I just want the day to be over.

That is the easiest lie to tell alright - to say you are with friends.

But do make something of the day for yourself. At the very least buy some fluffy new PJ's & slippers to lounge around the day in The TV is great on that day - movies are everywhere.

Get some good quality food into the house for the day. Sleep, eat, watch TV, eat, sleep, eat, mess online, eat, watch TV; you get the idea. Make sure it is good quality food though.

You mother is what she is. That doesn't mean that you can't show love for yourself on Christmas Day and look after yourself. Treat yourself that day. Basically it is the ultimate Duvet Day that you know you are having in advance so make sure you are well stocked up for it.

Whatever phone calls you have to make - do them in the morning before people start getting drunk, don't answer the phone once after 3ish.

LegacyUser

Would you consider volunteering at Christmas?
Here are some links for information about volunteering at christmas in the uk.

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=christmas%20day%20volunteering%20london&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CDsQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Ftimebank.org.uk%2Fchristmas-volunteering&ei=lpfGUO6lDcGFhQevsIFo&usg=AFQjCNGAIV7N8_4035o9MGVIAXVQXYVh8g&bvm=bv.1354675689,d.ZG4

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=christmas%20day%20volunteering%20london&source=web&cd=2&cad=rja&ved=0CEEQFjAB&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ivillage.co.uk%2Fvolunteering-christmas%2F83269&ei=lpfGUO6lDcGFhQevsIFo&usg=AFQjCNHk77sHXZhSpEWaECX9V6l-rnt0xQ&bvm=bv.1354675689,d.ZG4

http://www.google.ie/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=christmas%20day%20volunteering%20london&source=web&cd=3&cad=rja&ved=0CEkQFjAC&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.crisis.org.uk%2F&ei=lpfGUO6lDcGFhQevsIFo&usg=AFQjCNEbsA63YDsB815f5kgAa-_wVJLH3w&bvm=bv.1354675689,d.ZG4

There are lots of different options from making charity christmas cards, to looking after dogs.
Some other ones are charities that visit elderly people who are also alone, working on helplines, and working with homeless people. This is an extract from the homelessness section:

Crisis UK opens Christmas centres across London and Newcastle from 22-30 December that offer vital companionship, hot meals and warmth, and a wide range of essential services that homeless people often miss out on.

What can I do as a volunteer?
There are lots of things you could do - here are some ideas:
General volunteers welcome guests, serve food, sort bedding or just make sure things go to plan

Logistics volunteers co-ordinate food deliveries, volunteer as drivers or navigators and input data

Service volunteers give guests access to services they usually miss out on. Crisis are looking for medical professionals, advice practitioners, hairdressers, alternative therapists, caterers, dog handlers and many more

Activities and entertainment volunteers such as performers, musicians, magicians and sports trainers to help to inspire and entertain guests at the centres

How much time can I do it for?
The centres are open from 22-30 December. Volunteers are asked to sign up to a minimum of two shifts on two separate days and are welcome to apply for more should they wish.

How do I apply?
To find out more and to apply visit the Crisis website or telephone 0300 636 1000. Volunteers can sign up from 15 October on the Crisis website.
You can still volunteer for a homeless charity – and not just at Christmas either. Take a look at our own suggestions for what you can do.

I will be having a fairly traditional christmas visiting relations and spending time with my little nephews. Both my parents are dead and this is the first real xmas without mum so I will be very lonely, but that is also why I want to spend it with the rest of my family and boyfriend.
I think if I was in your position though where you aren't that close with your family, I would definitely consider volunteering in some way. When you think about it, whilst I may be missing my parents, and you may not get along with your mum, some of these people have not only lost contact with their families but also have no roof over their heads or food to eat. There is always someone worse off and I think it puts things in perspective. I think it would be very fulfilling work to do, you would be helping others and making your own christmas day seem less lonely. I hope to do it myself some day. It is available all year round but I would guess they get more volunteers around christmas which is nice actually. Christmas spirit and all that.
Also nobody could pressurise you into going home if you say that you wish to volunteer and help these people out in your area.

I think it would be nice though if you gave your friends and family a short phonecall on christmas day. It is horrible thing to feel lonely and so many people get depressed this time of year, so I wouldn't cut myself of from everyone over this time. Just a quick hello and marry xmas to friends could make you feel less lonely, and then maybe try the volunteering or else have a really nice treat day for yourself.