My last 6 months, massive highs and lows!

LegacyUser

Hi all, Long time member going unreg to tell you all about the situation I find myself in. Prob going to be a long one but a lot has happened! Six months ago, I met the most amazing girl in the world, happens to be foreign. We dated for a while and everything was great, amazing connection, amazing sex, life was good! I really was the envy of all my friends, such a sweet, beautiful girl on my arm! Although thats not the reason I was with her, in fact I preferred spending time alone, just the 2 of us, I hated the attention she got from them to be honest!!

I fell in love in days, and from someone that had been in many relationships in the past this doesnt usually happen, I'm usually quite guarded and the girls fell for me quicker than I did for them, if at all. She told me about her love for her younger sister, and how she wanted her to go to university unlike herself that didnt have the opportunity. I fell in love with her kind heart so badly after that. She owed in the region of 5000 euro due to problems with an ex boyfriend and was very depressed about them, in fact that was why she left her home country as she has some friends already here. She was loyal to him while she still owed him money (it was a car crash she had) and spoke on Skype a lot to him, even though he knew about me. I also talked to him, and he told me to take care of her, she's a special girl. Anyway, we continued to date and seamlessly became a couple, spending every day together, sharing everything. She told me everything about her life, and to be honest i just wanted her to be happy because I was in love. One day, I decided just to pay these bills for her as I was sick of seeing her down and feeling bad as it made me feel bad too. So now she has paid the debt, has moved on from the boyfriend and I was expecting life to be bliss from here on in. She didnt work an awful lot here, but what she earned part time here in a week is more than a months salary where she comes from. Now she has begun to spend a lot of time with men from her home country (which she never did before, as I was always with her) and they have some sort of business going on. However, she doesnt seem to make any money from it, claiming it is something that will take a long time to get off the ground but cant really explain to me what it is. Sometimes, she will stay out all night with them and wont tell me why. When I get angry about it, she just claims that she wants to be independent and not rely on me. Now I never really see her anymore, she keeps me close, but not close enough for my liking.

She is very strong minded, always was, even before she started spending time away from me but I just dont understand her any more, she claims I was the only one that ever understood her and treated her well and when I confront her about spending all this time away and not telling me what she's doing she makes me feel bad my saying she thought I was different and would let her live her life. Part of being in a relationship is treating each other fairly, and my God did I do a lot for her in 6 months but when I get upset at her she tells me to be a man and not like a moany woman. I really think I've lost her, but my heart cannot move on, even though my brain tells me to move on. She touched my heart like nobody else ever has, I made serious sacrifices for her which I was happy to do, as it made me feel like I was being a man rescuing my damsel in distress. She has also become very hypocritical, going crazy about me doing things that she herself does all the time, giving attention to members of the opposite sex etc. So, at the moment we are still a couple officially but my patience is wearing thin, I havent really seen her for 2 weeks now but she insists nothing is wrong. I really think she used me to get a foothold in this country, and has now discarded me in favour of her own people. However, I know they wont provide for her and she still needs me. All I wanted to do was offer her a better life, and all I have done has helped that, but she is still having difficult times.

Also, she used to be very open with me, told me about domestic abuse that happened to her previously etc, but now she is completely closed and says there are some things that i shouldnt know and stop asking. I really love this girl and in my head dreamt of a future together, but is it now time to move on? She really can tug at my heart strings though, but I fear I may be blinded by love and no matter what she does I find it hard to not think about her constantly. I think I started out wrong by telling her I wanted to look after her forever and other soppy, romantic stuff (which was true) adn she has no problem in reminding me of this. I think I'm being taken for granted really, that I will always be there no matter what, although in fairness I did say things to that effect, it was like wedding vows I was taking when I told her how I felt for her! She has, incidentally, told me that she loves me too.

In short, my head says move on but my heart won't let me, maybe some peoples advice might help me here. Any questions feel free to ask, I'm sure I've left a ton of stuff out. In fact I know I have but dont want to make this too long!

Merkin

Oh God, it doesn't bode well to be honest. While I don't know you or the lady in question it seemed blatantly obvious from early on in your post that she was in it to con you out of money. You've been fleeced. And I'm afraid you fell for it. Don't you think that there is a very real and tangible connection between you paying off these supposed debts (which didn't exist btw) and her going awol like this?

Sorry buddy but I'd be cutting my losses. As for her not telling you what she's up to when she stays out all night? I really wouldn't want to speculate but I'd have my suspicions that it's less than savoury. This is dead on the water love so you need to look at moving on from this I'm afraid.

cantdecide

I agree with the above. I think it's time to face up to the truth. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will find someone who deserves you.

paulap

yet again another sociopath using a decent people to fund thier lives. been there done that still paying off the loans. i really feel for you as you entered this relationship with honesty and openness and sadly this person isnt who you fell in love with. she presented herself in whatever light she felt would appeal to you. she manipulated you worked on your qualities and broke them down till you felt she was your everything. i dont feel its fair to patronise you as im sure your heart is already broken. life is cruel and people or parasites like these are not human in my eyes. like you i fell for a person and 2 years later he stole everything i had i found out he had had multiple affairs and i am neither nieve or needy but he manipulated everyone even my familyC all while we were in the hospital caring fro my terminally ill grandmother). its 3 months since i got out and i have to remind myself to stay out as like you i love him or the person he pretended to be really. try and fill your life with friends family work whatever doesnt leave you sitting at home rationalising the irrational
be strong buddy you deserve better and it will come to you but first you must put yourself forward
xxx best of luck