Paying a girl money to be in a fake relationship with me. No sex/no physical involved

neiler987

Was wondering if I could get some advice please it would be much appreciated. As the title suggests the last 2 or 3 months ive been looking for a girl to be in a fake relationship with me and i would pay her for this so called service with no sex or anything physical going on as unfortunately I havnt had the luck to find the right girl for me, in fact I havnt had much luck with women at all probably due to my looks and personality. So 1 day few months I just got fed up and decided to tell everybody friends family and announced it on facebook that I was in a relationship.. when I actually wasnt at all. Few weeks went by and everyone was wondering who my mystery girl was. So I had to find a girl who would be willing enough to be with me in a fake relationship as the chances of actually finding a girl to be in a real relationship were 0 !

So ive been texting and mailing women to try to agree to this until a girl did agree. A college social night was on a weeks ago asked her if I paid her would she come out on the night out and act to be my girlfriend. Which happened. I paid her €145 halfway through the night out which she took and that was that. Night ended and we both got a taxi home. She is a lovely looking girl, bit shy herself like me, if your reading this and u kind of have a bad feeling towards her dont.. as I approached her i made the sugguestion I paid her.. so I wouldnt agree with you if you said she was in the wrong for agreeing to all this and taking the money.


This is the message ive been sending around:
Hey this is probably going to sound a bit weird and sad but im pretty much asking you would you be interested in me paying you money to be in a fake relationship sort of thing.. Like it wouldnt involve sex or even kissing nothing physical at all like.. It would be just to have someone to call my own and just to say I have a lovely wonderful girlfriend and that I could show her off to my college mates and stuff like that.. Dont know if it makes any difference but Im not a prick or an arsehole or anything suppose im a decent enough bloke

And when most women asked why would I want to do such a thing I replied:
Ugh i hate explaining why.. Well because ive tried and tried my best to find the right girl for a proper normal relationship and it just hasnt worked and im sick of it.. To be honest im nearly 21 and I havnt had a relationship with a girl at all.. Ive always been single and most people know about it and I get stick about it from time to time.. Even my parents are wondering why I havnt been in a relationship yet or to bring a girl home or whatever.. Its that bad like


Sad desperate strange weird I know... Its just that ive been hurt by women so many times.. Just like to get people's opinions on whether I should struggle to continue to pay this girl to be in a fake relationship with me.. Whether I should stop it altogether with her.. Whether I should keep on trying to find a different girl for the job and hopefully she might just like me for who I am and could be potentially in a real normal relationship with me and not just for me paying her.. What should I do ???

burke027

Genuinly i would remove your post. And then get rid of every message you sent to girls asking them that. Do you not have any shame ,that is making yourself sound so low seriously if i was you id stop trying to find the right girl so hard(because girls can see desperation in a lads face) and just be yourself and relax and soon enough maybe even when you are not looking the right girl will come alone.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Taltos

OP - you are setting yourself up for a world of pain here.
As bad as you think it is with folk asking you about why are you single - how will you cope when this gets out - and everyone who you see smiling or laughing you will be wondering if they are laughing at you.

I mean - you are only 20 - it can take years to find the right person. And let me be honest here - if you are going out "looking" for a partner you will just scare most folk away. Just go out with your friends, have a good time, meet people, get to know them and see what if anything develops.

OP, you're only 20. A real relationship will never happen when word gets out about this. Delete the messages, stop sending them to people, stop obsessing over it, just tell people it'll happen when it happens.

neiler987

burke027 wrote: »

Genuinly i would remove your post. And then get rid of every message you sent to girls asking them that. Do you not have any shame ,that is making yourself sound so low seriously if i was you id stop trying to find the right girl so hard(because girls can see desperation in a lads face) and just be yourself and relax and soon enough maybe even when you are not looking the right girl will come alone.

Just my 2 cents worth.

Thanks for your opinion.. But I just dont believe that the right girl will just come along especially when Id least expect it.. Ive tried everything everything even though im only 20..

neiler987

Taltos wrote: »

OP how will you cope when this gets out - and everyone who you see smiling or laughing you will be wondering if they are laughing at you.

I mean - you are only 20 - it can take years to find the right person. And let me be honest here - if you are going out "looking" for a partner you will just scare most folk away. Just go out with your friends, have a good time, meet people, get to know them and see what if anything develops.

Ive already taken steps to make sure that it wont get out even though Ive just posted about the whole situation on this site I know it wouldnt get out through this, the girl wont say anything, I certainly wont say anything.. so how could it get out ?

Ive pretty much given up already on looking for someone or not looking for someone in the actually hope of finding someone

Riesen_Meal

neiler987 wrote: »

Thanks for your opinion.. But I just dont believe that the right girl will just come along especially when Id least expect it.. Ive tried everything everything even though im only 20..

To be fair op, it will come along when you least expect it, I met the love of my life on a college course, when that was the last thing I envisioned happening, I just wanted to get on with my work and boom, she fell out of the sky...

You are also fairly young, there is still plenty of time to muck about, kiss the wrong girls, have a bit of fun etc, try to be confident in yourself, join a club, or something that interests you - do something different with your time so women won't be on your mind 24/7, there is someone out there for you, you haven't found her yet, and believe me, you will find her, its not the be all and end of if you haven't yet.... (you are only 21)

.jacksparrow.

21?

Man you have years left to find a girl,relax it will happen.

DeltaWhite

Your negative attitude is the problem here.

If you believe that you've done all you can to find someone etc. at your young age.. then there is no hope for you! You need to snap out of those thoughts man, how can you just give up when you're so young! Your 20's are the times to go out, have fun, play the field a bit!

When I read your post I honestly thought you were in your 40's and I am shocked that you are only 20! Put it this way, what do you think everyone would say if they found out? You would be ridiculed by friends forever, it's probably the only thing they would remember you by!

I think you should just drop the need for a relationship and go out and have fun! Do what 20 year olds are supposed to do

Ps... stop blowing your money on this type of thing.. you will look back in your older years and regret it IMO

Merkin

You've still got a lot of growing up to do. And while you still need to mature you are forming opinions and views on important life matters. If you see women as a commodity at this tender age, it does not bode well for your future development or future success in a relationship.

You need to get rid of all evidence of this "ad" and all associated correspondence and then really get to work on your own issues. Paying someone to pretend to go out with you is merely papering over the cracks and essentially causing you untold damage. Also, what about when you do get horny? You've already paid a woman for a date so why not up the ante and go down the road of paying for sex as well?

Do you see where I'm coming from? You need to work on your own confidence and self-esteem. Join a gym. Work on your social skills. Ask your female friends what you can do to boost your chances. Join a dating site. Do these things so that your path to finding someone special is organic and genuine and something that won't cause you damage.

Incidentally, you ARE only out of your teens and I don't really know what the rush is to get yourself tied down to a relationship. Work on your self and improving your confidence and then you will be best placed to meet someone who cares about you for you.

Taltos

neiler987 wrote: »

Ive already taken steps to make sure that it wont get out even though Ive just posted about the whole situation on this site I know it wouldnt get out through this, the girl wont say anything, I certainly wont say anything.. so how could it get out ?

Ive pretty much given up already on looking for someone or not looking for someone in the actually hope of finding someone

OP - you are 20.
Right now you think you know it all. Just like you did at 19 and 18 and earlier at least many of us thought so.

You are still growing and changing, the outlook and interests you have now may not be recognisable by you when you are 25 or 30 etc.
I think a few posters have picked up on a good point in your replies right now your greatest obstruction to happiness is not that you are single or that others are asking you about this - it is your outlook on life and yourself.

At 20 there is still a world of possibilities open to you. I only got together with my OH at 21 after years of being single after a really bad breakup. Came out of the blue too. The difference here is our outlook - I was enjoying myself, having fun and not obsessing over what others thought or that I was alone. This might seem like a curve ball but with your outlook maybe it would help to talk to a professional?

Someone who can help you see the positives in your life. Happy, confident people naturally draw people in, make their own opportunities and have experiences that when you are glum or defeatest you just don't see.

Don't take this as an attack on you - just hopefully suggestion that your life is really what you make it - and right now in my opinion you just need some guidance to start really seeing all of the possibilities out there. Think back on One Foot in the Grave - Victor Meldrew - yes a caricature but a valid one - shape your life the way you want it to go, don't let yourself get sucked into the grey boggy hundrum life this character almost insisted he live himself.

Bambii_

For your own mental health, and dignity, I would end what you have with this girl now. I understand that you feel alone and are fed up being single, but lying is never the answer, and that is what you are doing. You have created one giant lie and are paying someone to live it with you. This is not healthy is any way what so ever, for either party involved.

I get the impression that you have little or no self-esteem and have a bad image of yourself. I would suggest going to counseling and working on building yourself up. Spending money on counseling would be more beneficial than spending money on a fake girlfriend. When you start to build up your confidence I'm sure you will meet someone. You can't expect anyone else to love you if you don't love yourself.

Stop looking for relationships. Relationships can't be found and then when you don't find a relationship an unnecessary feeling of failure is thrown upon you. Look after yourself and do things for you. Do things you enjoy, join some groups/clubs and just enjoy your life as it is. But most importantly, stop this lie you've started.

ElleEm

OP, I urge you to take the advice of everyone here- please stop humiliating yourself by paying girls to pretend to like you.

You say your issues with women are probably due to your looks and personality, but I would guess that you would be better accepted with all your flaws than accepted if people knew the truth about your fake relationships.

You seem to have such a low view of yourself, and until you like yourself, as cliched as it is, noone else will like you! Start doing things that make you happy- go out and meet people, whether you use internet dating or meetup.com. Join a club, so SOMETHING to increase your self esteem.

Lorna123

You need to be judged for yourself and not whether you have a g/f on your arm or not. I would not pay that sort of money to a girl just to have a couple of hours with her, that is way over the top. Most guys don't have relationships at 21, maybe some do but don't put that pressure on yourself just to feel accepted. Even if you were in your late 20s you would still have buckets of time. You may not meet the right woman until you are in your 30s so for God's sake stop this hyperventillating now and relax. It is not obligatory to have a g/f at 21. No way.

Fluorescence

OP how did hiring this girl make you feel? How did asking around and explaining what you were doing feel? I can't imagine it was a positive experience. Why would you put yourself through that? For €145 (obscene money btw)? For a lie???

Some of the most amazing people in the world haven't had relationships by 21 - it's down to chance. And, tbh, it seems like you've too many problems right now to offer much to another person. See a counselor to work on YOURSELF. When you're in a better place you'll find a girl who you like, and who'll want to be with you without expecting monetary payment.

Your self-esteem is in the gutter, OP. It doesn't have to be this way.

CatEyed92

OP! No, baby, no!!

What the heck are ya thinking? Were ya having a man period or what when you started this facade? :eek:


You, not only have made yourself sound desperate not too mention slightly creepy, but you have also put yourself down?
Relationships are not all what they are cracked up to be OP and they do not define a person!
I would suggest you stop and think. You've have set yourself up for a major fall. Why would you think you have to pay someone to be in a relationship?

Is there a handbook on life that I don't know about? Is there a rule that by 20 you must be in a relationship?! If there is, I'm screwed!

Your being very hard on yourself and putting pressure on yourself unnecessarily. You need to work on yourself and how you feel about yourself.

Think - no one wants to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't respect and love themselves! You may not know this, but maybe your putting a negative vibe out there? Unknownst to yourself?

LegacyUser

OP, I'll give you a very different opinion here.

I think you are doing the right thing. And I think it can be a good thing, paying this girl. Well, not the paying itself, but if she is a nice girl like you say she is, it might be a great help for you to start having direct contact with a girl and realise they are just normal beings, taking them off the pedestal.

People say you are young and there's so much to live. Great, this is all true, but I know that right now it doesn't feel like that, right? All you know is that you never experienced this things, so even if rationally you can understand that they will happen, in your heart it feels like you will be alone forever.

I've been there. I was way worse than you. I had so many platonic loves and none of them resulted in anything. lost my virginity at 16 to a much older guy (I'm a girl) in a one night stand, then again nothing for a couple of years. You know what I did? I payed a prostitute for myself (I know it sounds absolutely crazy as I was only 17). She came to my house, asked what I liked, and I started crying and chatting with her. I didn't want sex, but I was so confused about being sexy/attractive/any good myself, and being rejected etc, I just needed reassurance more than anything else. She was great, gave me good suggestions in how to flirt with guys, offered me company, hugs and that was it. (no, there was no lesbian attraction there).

Then eventually when I turned 19 I travelled a bit, relaxed, met a wonderful guy, etc and things fell into place. But I'll tell you, the first 10 years of my "love life" were a total nightmare, and now on my late thirties, I never ever experienced the pain, the loneliness, rejection and despair that I did when I was 15.

So I would say, if this girl is nice, it could be good to keep this arrangement if it makes you feel stronger. But keep looking for a true girlfriend in the meantime, either online or through clubs etc.

Best of luck.

neiler987

Id just like to thank everyone who put in the effort to read my opening post and then to leave a comment

Although I dont 100% completely agree with everyones opinion I will take them onboard and have a good long think and look at myself and my life

ElleEm

Please do, Neiler.

You are so young to be worrying about having a girlfriend.
Make FRIENDS first. Meet new people, use the internet to your advantage and get chatting to people. Build up your confidence and you will start to attract attention naturally!!

Best of luck x

neiler987

Fluorescence wrote: »

OP how did hiring this girl make you feel? How did asking around and explaining what you were doing feel? I can't imagine it was a positive experience. Why would you put yourself through that? For €145 (obscene money btw)? For a lie???

Some of the most amazing people in the world haven't had relationships by 21 - it's down to chance. And, tbh, it seems like you've too many problems right now to offer much to another person. See a counselor to work on YOURSELF. When you're in a better place you'll find a girl who you like, and who'll want to be with you without expecting monetary payment.

Your self-esteem is in the gutter, OP. It doesn't have to be this way.

Strangely enough I didnt really have a feeling when I paid her the money.. I didnt feel good or bad or dirty.. I didnt have any sort of feeling at all really.. I felt a bit degraded and low and down when I sent those messages to different women.. Some laughed back in their reply some said are u serious thinking it was a joke.. Some felt bad for me which I didnt want either.. Only the odd 1 or 2 women took it seriously and showed a genuine interest

Ive already mentioned the main reasons in my opening post why I put myself through all this

Emme

OP, I don't think you should do this again. With that money you could go to a male grooming salon and get advice on grooming, skincare and how to present yourself well. That would boost your confidence. Work on your diet and fitness. Join college societies or a club to make friends. All these things should boost your confidence and put you in a place where you will meet girls naturally.

Don't mind your family when they ask about girls. You are only 21.

Idle Passerby

I find this really strange OP. Its one thing to be lonely and want to meet someone but its another to pretend you have a girlfriend to impress your friends and family and pay a girl to help you keep up the facade. They're two different problems.

You cant have really thought that any girl would read your ad and think "he sounds lovely, I want to be his girlfriend"? Its just easy money at the expense of someone with problems. Whatever you think about covering your tracks, people will think its odd that you claim to have a girlfriend and when she shows up there is no affection there and she goes straight home after the event. Why is it so important to you that people think you are in a relationship? If they care about you they'l want you to be happy first and foremost regardless of your relationship status.

saiint

going to be honest here

your what 20?
your young, doesnt matter looks wise, if your a nice bloke you'll get a girlfriend
go on a night out theirs plenty of girls who would happlily talk to any fella that trys to talk to them because most fellas and this is being honest are to shy to go over and say anything to a girl
get over that fear, their not animals who will bite ya or laugh at cha, if anything if they laugh at cha well theirs your icebreaker,

im young as well, if you dont do night club scenes well then go to a pub ( far nicer looking women in their who ARNT SLAPPERS)

but seriously man paying someone to pretend to be your fake gf? thats really low, i mean do you really think that bad about yourself that you'd pay someone to pretend to be your gf? shes probably telling all her friends about you now as well, it will come out one way or another :S

delete all messages delete contact with said girl , or tell her you dont need her anymore
tell your family friends that you's broke up ( unless you'd rather tell the truth )
and take like from their
head out with friends, if you see a girl on her own go buy her a drink and chat
if your in college , join a society theirs loads of women and ways to talk to women its actually really really easy, the hard part is telling them you dont love them anymore :L

come on man chin up, and stop all this nonsense , women are simply men without the package below and hairy chests :L
hell giving her 145 quid? you could of paid an escort that for abit of fun time :L

im in a relationship 3 years now
and been honest id love to be single again for the sake of been free and able to talk to any girls i want to
sadly me heart thinks other wise

your young man, if you want a relationship now that will determin the rest of your life with that person then by all means do it
buts theirs loads of ways to overcome lonelyness then to get with a girl just for the sake of having a girlfriend

Big Bag of Chips

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Thanks all,
Big Bag of Chips.

HelloGiggles

Please stop paying for a fake relationship. That is beyond ridiculous and you're asking for trouble and humiliation.

You just said you were hurt by women in the past, you're 20. So when did this happen, as a teenager?

I'm 22, and was also very very hurt as a teenager(18) by my first "proper" boyfriend. And yes, the hurt from that relationship still affects a part of me today because I was so young and couldn't handle things properly. if I was in that situation now, It would be an entirely different story.

Basically, Just stop what you are doing. You're wasting your money. you don't need to pay anyone to be with you. You're only 20. You have ages to find someone who is going to be perfect for you.

And as for your looks and personality: That's your opinion of yourself, but probably not other people's. How can you expect someone to give you a chance if you're not giving yourself a chance? Why wouldn't a girl love to be with you?

You need to stop being so harsh on yourself.
Forget the past ( I know, easier said than done-but really give it a try!)
STOP PAYING THAT GIRL!
And just be 20- Stop putting yourself down. You have ages to find someone.

kylith

I agree with the others so far; stop paying girls to pretend to go out with you, and put the money into improving yourself, that will increase the chances of girls wanting to go out with you.

No matter how well you think you've arranged things word will get out that you're paying girls for dates (honestly, I'm surprised that it hasn't already), and you will be a laughing stock. If you think that you get stick for being single, what do you think it'll be like if people find out that you've been paying girls? People won't care if you say you're not paying for sex, you and the girls will both be tarred with that brush.

Some of my friends didn't have proper relationships until they were in their late 20s, and no-one thought any less of them for it. Focus on yourself, get yourself out there, talk to women, and you will find a proper girlfriend.

neiler987

Emm Im turning to this thread again because well im stuck and have no idea what to do

the "arrangement" with the girl is not working as much as i wanted to at all as i cant really afford it to be honest.. unless i took out a loan/overdraft which i dont really want to do either

of course i like the girl obviously.. but not sure whether she likes me that way to.. i dont get to see her much often as i dont have the money to pay her and stuff

I was re reading what i typed and found that i probably do come across as a sad pathetic person but im not really.. i can be quite funny can have a laugh and a joke.. and ive a brilliant future ahead of me.. im not as serious or depressing as i come across on this ha

i guess im stuck in a rut.. i dont want to or feel the need to go for counseling as some people suggested.. i dont feel i need a grooming session.. i dont feel like i need to change my diet.. im quite fit and healthy actually.. i play a lot of football

so i dont know..

DeltaWhite

Dude sorry if this is harsh but you ignored all our advice and went ahead doing what you were doing.... Now you're not happy... What more do you want us to say?

neiler987

DeltaWhite wrote: »

Dude sorry if this is harsh but you ignored all our advice and went ahead doing what you were doing.... Now you're not happy... What more do you want us to say?

well i havnt ignored everyones advice completely or on purpose.. few people said to stop paying her and seeing her

which i have done.. i havnt really seen her really since the end of november.. i started this thread in december and its march in 2 days

that wasnt harsh at all its a decent point actually

MintyDoris

OP, you stopped seeing her because you have no more money, not because you saw sense.

And tbh, if you are not seeing her when you are not paying her, I'm pretty sure she sees you as nothing more than a cash cow

The reason people are suggesting talking to some is because you don't see how weird this whole thing is. As a woman, trust me, it's weird. And you say yourself you have some great qualities so why on earth are you paying someone to pretend to like you?

Having said all that , if you can't take a step back and see what this looks like from an outside perspective, I really don't know what else I can say to you at this point

ElleEm

OP, I was gonna write again but I feel I would be repeating myself. The following is advice I posted when you initially wrote. A lot of people wrote similar things, but you haven't heeded it.

You say you don't need grooming, gym or diets (which is all physical stuff). You say you have a good sense of humour, and a promising future ahead of you. That is great, but you really have to look at the OTHER bits of you. The bits that lead you to paying a woman to fake her romantic interest in you. You clearly have low self esteem, otherwise you would be confident in yourself and in being single.

ElleEm wrote: »

OP, I urge you to take the advice of everyone here- please stop humiliating yourself by paying girls to pretend to like you.

You say your issues with women are probably due to your looks and personality, but I would guess that you would be better accepted with all your flaws than accepted if people knew the truth about your fake relationships.

You seem to have such a low view of yourself, and until you like yourself, as cliched as it is, noone else will like you! Start doing things that make you happy- go out and meet people, whether you use internet dating or meetup.com. Join a club, so SOMETHING to increase your self esteem.

ElleEm wrote: »

Please do, Neiler.

You are so young to be worrying about having a girlfriend.
Make FRIENDS first. Meet new people, use the internet to your advantage and get chatting to people. Build up your confidence and you will start to attract attention naturally!!

Best of luck x

ManOfMystery

OP, I don't want to sound patronising, but you really need to listen to those here offering advice. Some of them are in late 20s/30s/40s/etc and have much more life experience and relationship experience than you. I realise that at your age it's hard to see beyond things as they sit now, but trust me - you have so much time ahead of you to meet people and form relationships. You have to snap out of this mindset you have that you have tried everything, exhausted all options, and you will be forever single. You are ONLY 20.

When I was 20 I was going out with someone, and we often thought we would be together forever. That's youthful optimism for you. By the time I was 23 I could hardly stand the sight of her (nor she me), by the time I was 30 I'd been in 3 more relationships, and I'm now 35 and married. When I think back now to the way I looked at that relationship as a 20yr old, thinking this was as good as it gets, I feel a bit naive to be honest. My point is, you're thinking along similar line - that this is as bad as it gets and you'll never have a girlfriend. Things could change tomorrow, but you have to be open to those changes and not locked into a cycle of punishing yourself and parading fake girlfriends on your arm.

With regards to the money issue - I think it's a total waste of money and could lead you down a dangerous road in terms of how you look at relationships. However, I also think that's a sign of your desperation to be in a relationship. Any kind of relationship. But by doing that, you're actually missing the whole point of being in a relationship in the first place : it's meant to be a mutually fulfilling venture. This isn't mutually fulfilling; this is a business arrangement, the sole purpose of which is to present a certain image to the outside world.

And that leads me to ask, why are you so worried what people think? I have family members in early 20s who have never (to the best of my knowledge) had a steady boyfriend or girlfriend, but that doesn't affect my opinion of them in any way. They have plenty of hobbies, they go out a lot with friends, they have a good social network, they're nice people and well adjusted. And when the time is right, I'm sure they'll meet the right person.

Being in a relationship can be a great thing, but it's really not the be all and end all. What else do you have going on in life at the moment? Maybe you need more interests and more socialising with friends to try and move your focus away from relationships to the rest of your life. By getting out more and partaking in more hobbies, days away, etc, you may also find that it's easier to spark up conversation with someone you may never have met otherwise.

I don't think you need counselling or anything, but I do think you need to change your mindset and stop trying to force yourself into a relationship. Enjoy the good things you have in your life right now, relax a little, get rid of this desperation, and you may find that the more natural and relaxed 'you' will be infinitely more attractive to any potential partners than the frustrated 'you'. People are often unaware of the vibes they can give off.

Gee_G

I really think you need to take a step back from this OP. Please don't attempt to borrow money from anywhere to pay this girl.

Ok so I know this is not a good way of dealing with things, but, tell people you broke up. Mutual thing, we weren't seeing enough of each other, whatever. Nobody will be any the wiser!

I'm not going to tell you you're only young, lots of time for relationships etc. because I used to feel exactly like you! I kissed that many frogs in my late teens/early 20's that I was 100% sure I was going to end up on my oWn And I have since met my amazing fiance and have a beautiful son.

Your time will come and you will meet someone. Hopefully your time spent with this girl has giVen you a bit more confidence to socialise with girls. So get out there and enjoy yourself and have fun trying to find "the one", that's what it's all about

Best of luck!

stargazer 68

neiler987 wrote: »

Emm Im turning to this thread again because well im stuck and have no idea what to do

the "arrangement" with the girl is not working as much as i wanted to at all as i cant really afford it to be honest.. unless i took out a loan/overdraft which i dont really want to do either

.

Really?? Now theres a shocker!!
OP stop trying so hard to get a girlfriend - needy is not a good look. Relax and do your normal thing - go out with your friends, play football etc and it will come in time. Having a girlfriend is not the be all and end all!

kylith

OP, she does not now, nor will she ever see you in 'that way'. You do not even have a fake girlfriend, you have a prostitute.

Please, please take peoples' advice about getting out and meeting people, join clubs, activities, anything to get you out to meet people. Sexual relationships will follow later.

judgefudge

It's a bit worrying that you were speculating about whether she liked you in that way. She only sees you when you give her money. She doesn't like you. The fact that you pay her probably makes her think you are a weirdo, lets face it.

I know a loada people you're age who are single and seem grand with it, and nobody questions them. Why you feel the need to show off a girlfriend is beyond me. Unless you generally like to show off (just going by what you said about bright future and so on) and you feel this is the one area of your life that isn't working out?

Nobody is perfect. I'd recommend you do what somebody else said, tell people you broke up and distance yourself as much as you possibly can from this entire situation.

Emme

OP, do you want to continue hanging out with somebody who only wants you for your money? Cut all contact with her and start hanging out with people who want you for yourself. Forget about having a girlfriend for the foreseeable future and focus on having fun, doing things you enjoy and maybe take up a new hobby. Think how much enjoyment you could have got from a hobby if you spent your money on that instead of seeing an extortionate woman.

People are't stupid, they will see through the girl you have been paying. I can't believe somebody would do this. It's one thing to do sex work as an anonymous transaction (not that I agree completely with that) but something else to take money from someone on a regular basis to pretend to be his girlfriend.

Lose the despicable moneygrabbing cow and make some real friends.

TwoShedsJackson

neiler987 wrote: »

of course i like the girl obviously.. but not sure whether she likes me that way to.. i dont get to see her much often as i dont have the money to pay her and stuff

Seeing as you have to pay her to spend time with her, I can pretty much guarantee she doesn't.

Kevcol

OP, to be honest it just sounds like your here looking for attention. There is no way you are getting mocked for not being in a relationship at just 20!!

My advice, grow up, enjoy going out with your friends and everything will fall into place. It sounds harsh but that's what I think.

andymurphy, welcome to PI.
Please read the charter before posting in future.
thanks

Boombastic

Any interest I would have in a man would soon go out the window if he made me an offer like yours op. You need to work on you self confidence and esteem before even thinking about entering a relationship.

Emme

Boombastic wrote: »

Any interest I would have in a man would soon go out the window if he made me an offer like yours op. You need to work on you self confidence and esteem before even thinking about entering a relationship.

I second that. If the OP spent the money on seeing a good psychotherapist to work on his self confidence it would have been much better for him than to spend it on this woman. She makes mafia hoods and moneylenders look honourable.

neiler987

i feel that i dont lack confidence as such.. although it sure sounds like it from my comments on this thread.. its not a lack of confidence i find that its something else im lacking.. i dont have a problem pulling women.. by the way some people replied back on this you would genuinely think id be so bad with women and so low in confidence that i hadnt talked to a girl in all my life ha.. jeez im not that bad really

Im not lacking confidence/self esteem or sex or anything... Im lacking love.. i would love to be in love with a girl and i would love for that girl to be in love with me.. thats what im lacking.. but money or anything else cant buy that


ill explain this very quickly.. reflecting on it i shouldve said this on wednesday but anyways.. the end of november was the last time i saw her which was the last time i paid her for our deal.. but i saw her after that.. on my birthday we met up and she gave me a big hug and a kiss.. which she didnt have to do..


shes slowly telling me personal things about herself that like she doesnt have to tell me.. i find shes been starting to give me more x's on messages when she doesnt have to

shes even asking me how do i get the money to pay her.. which i dont want to tell her.. but i probably will end up doing so anyways

so im guessing everyone on this will say well shes only doing those things because its been a good while since i paid her.. and shes looking for money off me etc ???

if you read this i think its quite clear of what i wish and hope eventually does come of all of this... but ive wished and hoped with other woman before and it went horribly wrong


im not looking for attention as one person suggested

and one or two people seem to be putting blame on the girl.. which they shouldnt be.. because im the one who approached her.. i sent her the message to start off the whole thing.. i suggested the amounts of money .. and i paid her.. you cant just blame her and call her this that and the other for agreeing to all this.. if anything if this was switched around and she was paying me for this id do the same and id be probably worse as its pretty much easy money ..and who doesnt like money you know !!

and one person i think called her a prostitute ??? theres no sex or anything physical involved in all of this can you please at least read the title of threads before you write terrible things about a person.. thanks it would be really appreciated !!

DeltaWhite

I know you might not believe this man but love will find you and it may sound cheesey or corny but when it's your time it will come to you! Searching for love sometimes backfires and I bet you anything that if you just chill, and not panic about not finding love - it will happen..

I spent ages trying to find someone to be in a relationship with and it was the worst thing ever because you find all the wrong people. And when I finally copped on and just went with the flow and enjoyed life that's when my OH just popped into my life and 2 years later we're still going strong.

You need to go with the flow and let things happen naturally! What's meant for you wont pass you by! And that's the truth

Good luck dude and just chill

Blisterman

Seriously, don't try anything with this girl, it'll end in disaster. She's not going to be interested in a real relationship. If she's telling you personal things, it's probably cause she's more comfortable around you, than before. I'm sure she would have been pretty apprehensive at first meeting you. It's an odd thing to do, as several people have mentioned. Don't read too much into it.

Have some self respect and cut the contact with her.

If you're interested in meeting someone, have you tried online dating?

ManOfMystery

neiler987 wrote: »

i feel that i dont lack confidence as such.. although it sure sounds like it from my comments on this thread.. its not a lack of confidence i find that its something else im lacking.. i dont have a problem pulling women.. by the way some people replied back on this you would genuinely think id be so bad with women and so low in confidence that i hadnt talked to a girl in all my life ha.. jeez im not that bad really

Im not lacking confidence/self esteem or sex or anything... Im lacking love.. i would love to be in love with a girl and i would love for that girl to be in love with me.. thats what im lacking.. but money or anything else cant buy that

You're obviously an intelligent enough guy. You don't lack confidence. You can 'pull women'. No problems with self esteem, and no physical problems regarding sex.

So please, explain again .......................... why are you paying someone to be with you?

You can't buy love. Full stop. It doesn't work like that.

If I was your age, and had no problems pulling women, I'd be out enjoying myself and meeting as many as I could. And thanks to the rules of probability, it would only be a matter of time before I met one where a relationship and/or love could develop.

But by focusing on this girl who you're paying to be with, you're effectively shutting off your availability to anyone else.

kylith

neiler987 wrote: »

Im not lacking confidence/self esteem or sex or anything... Im lacking love.. i would love to be in love with a girl and i would love for that girl to be in love with me.. thats what im lacking.. but money or anything else cant buy that

You will not find love with this girl. This is not Pretty Woman and she is not Julia Roberts. She is only spending time with you because you pay her.

neiler987 wrote: »

ill explain this very quickly.. reflecting on it i shouldve said this on wednesday but anyways.. the end of november was the last time i saw her which was the last time i paid her for our deal.. but i saw her after that.. on my birthday we met up and she gave me a big hug and a kiss.. which she didnt have to do..

The kiss was either because it was your birthday, it was your birthday and she felt sorry for you, or to keep you sweet so that you'd continue to pay to see her.

neiler987 wrote: »

shes slowly telling me personal things about herself that like she doesnt have to tell me.. i find shes been starting to give me more x's on messages when she doesnt have to

shes even asking me how do i get the money to pay her.. which i dont want to tell her.. but i probably will end up doing so anyways

so im guessing everyone on this will say well shes only doing those things because its been a good while since i paid her.. and shes looking for money off me etc ???

Yes. Yes she is. Try asking her on a date without money and see what she says.

neiler987 wrote: »

and one person i think called her a prostitute ??? theres no sex or anything physical involved in all of this can you please at least read the title of threads before you write terrible things about a person.. thanks it would be really appreciated !!

She is only spending time with you because you pay her. She is acting like she likes you, as far as you know, only because you pay her. If this isn't an act of prostitution what is it? The word doesn't just relate to sex, it relates to anyone using their talents or abilities for no reason other than personal gain; which is what this girl is doing.

You may not lack for confidence, but you do seem to lack self respect.

judgefudge

If you have no problem pulling women why in the name of god did you start paying someone to be your "girlfriend"? Sorry but that just doesn't ring true...

Taltos

OP - after four pages spanning nearly 3 months it does not appear you are taking any of the advice on board and at this point we are treading the same advice initially offered.

If you want somewhere to vent or just a general discussion maybe start a blog, however RI is not the place any more for this.

All the best
Taltos