Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

My husband was constantly working on our defective washing machine, and his language was often colourful.

One day our daughter returned home from a movie, and we asked if she had learned anything from it.

"Only a lot of four-letter words," she told us, "that until now I always thought were parts of our washing machine."
______________________________

A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.

She went back to find out what was going on.

He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy.

The teacher told him to go down to the principal’s office.

He was told to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.

He did and returned to his class.

Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.

She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his private parts hanging out.

"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.

"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out until lunchtime, she’d come and pick me up from school."
______________________________

While living in Michigan, it snowed 4 or 5 inches one morning.

That afternoon, a fellow three doors down the street knocked on my door.

"Your son pee'd his name in the snow in front of my place," he said.

I replied, "Oh, well, every boy does that!!!"

He said, "Yes, but ... this was in my daughter's handwriting!"

_______________________________

As he drove along the highway, a guy kept seeing billboards with beautiful, tanned people and the words:

Visit the Garden of Hedon.

His curiosity got the best of him and he turned off the road at the entrance to the place a few miles down the road.

He went inside a building marked "Registration" and saw an attractive woman sitting at a desk.

"Exactly what do you do here?" he asked.

"It's quite simple," said the receptionist.

"This is a nudist camp. We take off all our clothes and commune with nature."

"Cool," said the guy. "Count me in!"

So he paid his membership fee, took off his gear and strolled off.

As he walked along a path, he saw a big sign which read, "Beware of Gays."

A little further along he saw another sign which read the same thing: "Beware of Gays."

He continued walking until he came to a small clearing which had a bronze plaque set in the ground.

He bent over to read the plaque and it said, "Sorry, you've had two warnings!"