Scar Removal for Self Harm

ClareP1983

Hi this is a bit of an embarrassing subject but about 10 years ago I used to self harm and there are quite a few scars on my upper arm. I have completely stopped this with years but scars still remain. I have just been asked to be bridesmaid and am so anxious about it as no one knows about my scars.

I don't know what to do, can anyone suggest anything that might help.

I have tried cover up make up etc but scars look more prominent.

Thanks x

P. Breathnach

I presume that you are on good terms with the bride, or you would not have been asked.

Tell her that you have a difficulty with exposing your upper arm because of some disfigurement that makes you unbearably self-conscious. You don't have to tell her what the nature of the disfigurement is. She might be happy with a style of bridesmaid's dress that covers the upper arm.

ClareP1983

Ya she's my best friend but you know friends they will be asking what is it etc, would prefer if I didn't even have to mention it, its so hard to get excited about trying on dresses etc with the other girls as I keep thinking about my arm

cantdecide

Bio oil and preparation H come to mind and I have no idea if they'd work but maybe you could seek advice from a dermatologist? It goes without saying that this is of enormous personal significance to you but wedding or no wedding, maybe you need to go some of the way to dealing with this in some fashion? I say this because I knew someone who wouldn't swim or wear more revealing clothing etc so I understand how awful it must be for you...

username123

Sure it could be because of anything. Its only because you know what caused it that it bothers you.

I have scars from different things, allergic reaction to the BCG leaving me with a very characteristic Irish triangle of scars on the outside of the upper arm that stands out in every photo!! I also have an 8 inch surgery scar on one knee.

What I have found is that people tend to say 'what happened you....' once, and I say 'surgery' or 'allergic reaction' they just go 'ohh' and thats it forgotten.

If anyone comments just say 'an accident' and leave it at that.

Generally fake tan is the best for coverage on the body, but depending on where on your arm it is, an armlet or bracelet or a little shrug type thing to wear over?

degausserxo

Hey OP, I'm going through the same thing at the minute and there are a couple of options out there for you. A cosmetic clinic could take care of them with a laser treatment but personally I'd be very sceptical of this type of place with regards to their qualifications. As well as that, it can be incredibly expensive - I've had quotes of over €2000, and that's just for a small area.

First port of call I'd say is your GP - he can recommend a dermatologist/plastic surgeon depending on the severity of the scarring and the procedure that needs to be done (laser, grafting etc).

If they're not particularly bad, I'd recommend Palmer's cocoa oil - not the butter, although that's good too - I've some pretty bad scars that nothing really worked on (bio oil, stuff like that) but they've faded a good bit with that.

Good luck and have a great time at the wedding!

ClareP1983

Ya I did go to counselling etc for years and I have full recovered from that time in my life but am just left with these ugly scars. I might go to the doctor to see if she can refer me anywhere. Even if they were less noticeable that would be a plus.
I have heard from people that got surgery that there arm looks worse after the surgery. The scars are up near where my BCG would be.

degausserxo

username123 wrote: »

Generally fake tan is the best for coverage on the body, but depending on where on your arm it is, an armlet or bracelet or a little shrug type thing to wear over?

Personally I've found on these types of scars that fake tan only makes them whiter and more prominent.

username123

degausserxo wrote: »

Personally I've found on these types of scars that fake tan only makes them whiter and more prominent.

Well OP can try it out. It definitely makes my 8 inch scar less noticable - it depends on how flat the scar of course and whether or not OP has keloid scars.

Im not sure how fake tan makes a scar whiter though? It makes mine more tanned!

degausserxo

username123 wrote: »

Well OP can try it out. It definitely makes my 8 inch scar less noticable - it depends on how flat the scar of course and whether or not OP has keloid scars.

Im not sure how fake tan makes a scar whiter though? It makes mine more tanned!

Most of mine would be raised, it's kind of like the skin is impervious to the tan!

ClareP1983

Hi degausserxo, thanks for that I will try it. Fake tan doesn't really work for my it makes them more noticeable as they are raised. How do you cope with swimming etc or wearing dresses, do your friends know?

Lollipops23

OP, maybe look at actual body make up? Like a decent think foundation for the body would certainly even out the skin tone, and you'd want to be looking very hard to see the raised bits. You could also change into a bolero after the church/pics etc to make you feel more comfy.

username123

degausserxo wrote: »

Most of mine would be raised, it's kind of like the skin is impervious to the tan!

Im the opposite, Ive got more sunken scarring. Thats what I meant by keloid scarring.

What about the rub on tans as opposed to the ones that come up on the skin - like sunshimmer?

Theres also make up thats used theatrically to cover tattoos - OP could investigate this?

ClareP1983

Hi Lollipop, where would be recommend I get the body make up? Thanks for that

P. Breathnach

I am glad that you have left a bad period in your life behind you, and that you are generally coping well with things.

It is possible that the scars are a much bigger deal for you than they would be for others. That's not to suggest that you should feel okay about showing them to everybody. Perhaps you could cheat a little with your friend: tell her the scars are the result of an accident (it's a sort of truth); if necessary, allow her to see them (that might be a small step for you in coming to terms with the disfigurement); ask her to respect confidentiality between friends.

As a mere male, I am not tuned in on bridesmaid fashions, but I suspect that short-sleeve dresses might be acceptable.

You might have to work a bit to avoid a joint trying-on of dresses, but should be manageable.

ClareP1983

Hi P. Thanks for the reply, I suppose I am afraid to tell people as they will ask so many questions and we are all so close, my sister will be at the wedding and all my family so don't know how to deal with all the questions. I was only going to tell the bride and my sister so maybe she can help with the dress in some way

edellc

sally hansen airbrush legs its great OP covers all flaws on your legs but have also seen it used on other body parts and its brilliant, buy it a few months in advance and test it out, colour wise, how much to use, how to blend and how long it will last on you.

Lollipops23

ClareP1983 wrote: »

Hi Lollipop, where would be recommend I get the body make up? Thanks for that

Pretty sure Mac do it, at least they used to. It's kind of like Sally Hanson for the entire body. A friend of mine used it to cover a fairly unsightly tattoo last year when she was a bridesmaid.

Edit: Yep seems they still do it!

http://www.maccosmetics.com/product/shaded/158/393/Face-And-Body-Foundation/index.tmpl

ClareP1983

Thanks will try it out, will also make an appointment with doc re seeing someone who may help physically.

Any suggestions on how I tell my mates! It was all over panic and anxiety attacks and I didn't know how to deal with them

edellc

TBH i think its on a need to know basis with your mates, I mean this happened a long time ago and I hope you have sought help for the reasons why you did what you did..either way its in the past and you do not have to explain yourself to anyone if you dont want to

So it it were me then I would tell the bride and only the bridesmaids your close to....realistically most people should have the common sense not to ask you what they are from, and all you really need to say it that it was down to teenage angst, you do not have to go into any detail as its nobodies business but yours.

Also we all have scars of some sort, some self inflicted, some from accidents others are stretch marks, acne scars you name it not one of us alive has the "perfect body" unless we have an airbrush artist on hand all the time , so try not worry to much use the make up its what its there for and enjoy the day.

Do pay a visit to the doctor I mean it can do no harm and maybe a they can offer better suggestions

ahnow

Hi op, bio oil is good but it takes several months to make a difference. . I have the same issue with my legs, but its been a few years now, to be honest they're still noticable. Its nothing to be ashamed of, it was a particular time in your life, it isnt you now. If you end up having to wear something that exposes your arms and someone comments, laugh it off and tell them its stretch marks from when you were younger. They'd have to be pretty rude to comment any further-or even comment on it in the first place!
Ive come across people in the past that have scars that are obviously from cutting and they wear t-shirts and shorts. The scars are faded but you can notice them, but-well Im speaking for myself-but Id assume most people are the same-there is no judgement. No remarks made and barely a second thought to it if you are very conscious and you cant get past it, maybe a little light scarf to cover them. Best of luck op and i hope you enjoy the day

RacoonQueen

I was going to suggest something similar to P. Breathnach - then I picked up that maybe your family don't know about your self harm.

I would certainly still advise to maybe consider telling your friend and your sister even, I know it's a huge and daunting step but it could help you look at the scars differently. More as something to be proud of because of everything you have battled and overcome.

I'm sure your friend will be very understanding. You could always have something covering your arms and shoulders that matches the dress, loads of options for bmaids dresses.

Edit: I got rid of 2 raised scars from one of my fingers using arnica cream by the way, when I was rubbing arnica into another area. Bizarre I know but I had both of these scars for years and tried a tonne of things to get rid of them. Then I was using arnica on my shoulder and they were gone. Haven't seen them since.

ima_goldfish!

I have the same problem but I have quite extensive scarring all the way up my two arms that were very very bad at one stage, but I bought some Palmers body oil in boots for 13e, it is specifically for scarring etc and it was amazing. I had some textured scars and it even toned them waay down, and although they are not completely gone, it has really definately helped the appearence of them alot. I used to never ever wear short sleeves or t-shirts but now I can and nobody looks or asks questions or any of that nonsense. The best thing i think is to use the Palmers and expose your arms to the sun etc that is what really helped me. Only if the scars are healed otherwise sun can cause them to heal strangely and be more noticeable.
Good luck!! If worst comes to worst say your self conscious about bingo wings and just want to cover the tops of your arms, most women are particular about this area anyway, scars or no scars

brandom

I can second the Sally Hansen as being great for covering up scars and marks ,even psoriasis plaques, but it works better if applied with a mitt rather than just sprayed on. Vichy also do a scar covering make up available in a lot of different shades and even in a tester pallette that you could use to see if you can match it up. Might be easier to get a hold of than the mac if time is an issue. Long term the palmers oil or lavender oil both work well, but if using the lavender be careful it does make the skin more sensitive to the sun

up for anything

Vichy Dermablend is a make up especially for concealing scars/blemishes and acne. You don't have to layer it on with a trowel either. I'm not sure how you would blend it in on arms, maybe use it and fake tan over it. There are 100s of videos on Youtube on the subject and if you go to a larger pharmacy for it, the make up consultant may be able to help you out.

ETA: Here's a video which shows you what it can do but not how to do it.

<MOD SNIP - linking videos is against forum rules.>

annoyedgal

I could have written this post six years ago. I ws also bridesmaid for my friend and my family were invited to the wedding. It stressed me out so much and I really feel for what your going through now. In the end I it was the trigger to tell my mum and sister, one of the hardest things I've ever done but ultimately it worked out as it was one less thing to worry about. I used fake tan which helped a bit and I have a way of standing with my arms back when I'm talking to someone! The Vichy make up works to some extent but neither that nor sally Han works one hundred per cent for me. My advise is to tell someone to relieve the burden your under. I've been there and while it's tough going its worth it. All the best and hope things work out with the wedding x

girlonfire

Hi OP,

I completely understand where you're coming from. I too used self harm as a coping mechanism years ago and am left with a lot of scars unfortunately. I've tried pretty much everything - from over the counter creams to prescription creams - to get rid of my scars. I even had a consultation with a cosmetic surgeon as I felt such shame. As I would've needed to have a skin graft, I would've had new scars so that was a no-go.

I feel I've exhausted every avenue. At this stage, I feel quite comfortable with myself and I don't feel the need to hide/cover up as much as I used to. I'm happy to discuss this stuff with people I care about and those who care about me, but otherwise it's nobody's business. Also, people aren't as judgmental as you might imagine. I'm saying this as I held myself back from doing so much stuff for so long, living in fear of being judged. I never thought I'd move past it, but I have. If you talk to someone close about it, it'll help ease your mind to some extent.

I've tried Vichy dermablend and I didn't find it great in terms of covering up my scars, but it might be worth a try.
Good luck OP. Hope you can enjoy the wedding without letting this issue take over the experience.

LegacyUser

OP, I am in the same boat, except my scars are on my two wrists and hands, so it's really obvious to everybody. I've checked tons of information online on the removal of self-harm scars, and - please correct me if I'm mistaken - I didn't find anything worth my while, the best one they offer is a plastic surgery in which they kind of burn over the scars. You still have the scars but it doesn't look so obvious that it's from self-harming. Not worth it really for me.

This may sound strange, but I'm actually a bit proud of my scars: they remind me I won the battle against depression. They remind me that no matter what comes in my way, I can overcome it. So I try to look at them as something positive.

No one ever asked me about them, which suggests that it's pretty obvious that they are from self-harm, and people just feel awkward about asking. Not even very close friends ask.

I did tell my previous two boyfriends and they were extremely supportive and understanding. For one of them, I told it was from an accident. After a few months in the relationship I told him the truth and he said he never believed in the accident story in the first place.

I also shared with several friends about the depression, and this helped me A LOT. It now feels like "no big deal", it's just another part of my story.

I do get paranoid sometimes, as I am aware that my boss and my students do see my scars and must think I'm a nutcase. But then I remind myself of the good things, that this was 15 years ago and I'm ok now. And that I was strong.

So long story short... try to cover your arms with a bolero as suggested and make-up, but maybe also consider disclosing it to some close friend. It feels way lighter. With one of my boyfriends, I did watch 2 films that involved self-harm (The Secretary and Black Swan) and I think it also help to make them understand that people who do this are normal, kind, good people from all walks of life, who just happen to be overwhelmed and not know how to cope with it, but are not necessarily some lunatic that should be in an asylum.
Be proud, it's in the past!

Enjoy the wedding!

iCosmopolis

up for anything wrote: »

Vichy Dermablend is a make up especially for concealing scars/blemishes and acne. You don't have to layer it on with a trowel either. I'm not sure how you would blend it in on arms, maybe use it and fake tan over it. There are 100s of videos on Youtube on the subject and if you go to a larger pharmacy for it, the make up consultant may be able to help you out.

ETA: Here's a video which shows you what it can do but not how to do it.

<MOD SNIP - linking videos is against forum rules.>

Was about to suggest the Vichy dermablend too, but seen you had. Several shades. I Find it brilliant,nearly all the chemists do it now in the vichy/ la roche section they have. Around 20 euro for the pan stick (lasts ages), but many of them sell a sample pallet tester with all the shades for 5 euro so you can get your colour. You just whack it on what you want to cover and it doesn't budge.

LegacyUser

Hello OP,


Ex self harmer here too but I chose my lower legs to maim. I've tried Sally Hansen in the past as a cover up and if the scars are in any way raised it kinda makes them more prominent but it should hide any red/blue that you've left in them. See if you can get a lend of someone elses as a tester to see if it works for you instead of wasting the money and being disappointed like I was.

I've heard good things about the MAC product mentioned above. I hope you find something and best of luck on the day!

ABajaninCork

Most good make-up artists will be able to cover up the scars. Get one who's able to cover tattoos and do theatre make-up. Not all make-up artists do, so check quals carefully. They can do the spray on make-up that looks flawless. What time of the year is the wedding? If it's in the cooler months, ask the bride if you can have a stole or bolero to cover up. I'm sure she won't mind...

Where are you based OP? I might have a name for you.