annoyed with friend

doireann08

Hi all

I have a friend M who I know about 4 years. She is great fun,has been there for me during difficult times and I can talk to her about anything

There is one issue though,she can be flakey e.g never on time etc

We were going out on Sat, and we arranged to meet in a pub in town at 8.She was coming from another event with other people,some who I had met before.

I was in the taxi on the way,I call her to tell her I am on the way,and she says she is a cab and is 5 mins away.

I arrive at 8, go to bar and get a drink as she hasn't arrived yet. 10 minutes later, she still isn't there, so I call and she says she is in a taxi. Any way she eventually arrives, 30mins late. I was waiting in the pub on my own waiting for her ( she knew I was arriving alone and would be waiting alone)

When she arrives, she tells me that she couldn't get a taxi.
2 in the group,that came from the other event, said the same,they couldn't get a taxi.

I was annoyed to to be left waiting 30 minutes, but why did she say she was in a taxi and 5 mins away when I called her from my taxi??

She did this another time too, arranged to meet her in pub, arrived at pub, she said she was there, she wasn't, 30 mins later still no sign.., only when I text her to say I was leaving, does she come running out of pub, saying she got chatting to people

She is a lovely girl, but is a nightmare with drink in her, if you arrange to meet, she is late, doesn't answer her phone for ages, and can become quite selfish.
I have my suspicions about what happened on Sat, I think they were in a taxi, stopped off somewhere to get drugs, then couldn't get another taxi.

She does take drugs, I don;t, I'm not judgemental with her about this, its her life. But her flakiness is beginning to annoy me.

How do you think I should handle this. To be honest, I'm not sure I really want to meet her on a 1:1 basis socialising any more with her, as I think it is rude to leave someone waiting on their own for 30 mins

ABajaninCork

Oh dear. You do know some nice friends. I remember your other threads.

I would cut my losses here OP. I don't think these are the sort of people you want in your life. It seems like too much drama to me. If you see the girl in a group -cool runnings. But on a 1-2-1? I wouldn't bother. Nobody would do that to me twice, never mind several times.

Time to expand and change your social circle. Find people who want to be your friend.

Esoteric_

I have friends like this, and unless you want to end all friendship with them, I'd just suggest doing what I do -

If you want to meet at 8pm, tell them to meet you at 7.30pm. Don't get there til 8, they most likely won't either.

doireann08

ABajaninCork wrote: »

Oh dear. You do know some nice friends. I remember your other threads.

I would cut my losses here OP. I don't think these are the sort of people you want in your life. It seems like too much drama to me. If you see the girl in a group -cool runnings. But on a 1-2-1? I wouldn't bother. Nobody would do that to me twice, never mind several times.

Time to expand and change your social circle. Find people who want to be your friend.

You are right.It has been getting me down.It seems that quite a few people I thought were my friends are treating me like this and I am beginning to think that the problem is me

Stavro Mueller

I remember you from a past thread you had here and it may have relevance in this.

If we were just dealing with the issue of a friend who's hopeless at time-keeping, that'd be one thing. LindaMcL's advice is pretty standard practice for people who've got friends who aren't the best at being on time. Some people are just rubbish at punctuality, regardless of whether it's business or pleasure.

I don't think that is your problem though. Out of curiosity, is "M" one of the girls who's going on that hen you weren't told about until everyone had booked their flights? Or involved in the meet-up in Dublin that you weren't told about until the last minute? What about those other girls who couldn't get a taxi either? If they are, then the advice that people gave on that thread still stands. Get yourself some new friends and stop depending on this lot.

Back to the matter in hand. You obviously harbour grave doubts about how genuine this friend is - otherwise you'd not be posting here. Anyone can be late but it sounds like you're way down her list of priorities. So if you want continue to be friendly with her, do so but with a government health warning. Go out with genuine friends and if she shows up, grand. If not, you're not left standing like an eejit on your own in a pub while she does other things.

I just noticed the last thing you posted. Please don't take the behaviour of these "friends" personally. You're not the first person to have befriended people who treated them shoddily. There's nothing wrong with that - anyone can make a mistake. People can change too and you can never take for granted that someone who was a good friend for years will continue to do so. What you must not do is fall into the trap of clinging on to these so-called friends when in fact you should be cutting your losses. The longer you do this, the more it'll affect your self-esteem. Widen your social circle and make friends with people who don't hurt you like this.