no friends no life no bf

Loner29

Title pretty much says it. I have no friends I used to have in college and school but we drifted apart, I'm almost 30 now and am a complete loner. I have no job I do mostly nothing all day just hang around the house. I am quiet shy and quiet and everyday I get worse and have little confidence, infact probably none at all.

I had a boyfriend up to lately, we lived together almost four years he was a lot more able to go than I am so I relied on him a lot. He wasn't working for last two years and we had very little money trying to pay bills and mortgage that we stayed in a lot but basically had no lives. While we were together I found him texting other girls every so often but I forgave him each time because I believed we were in love and it meant nothing. Last year I found out he texted a woman looking or erotic massage I went mad and kicked him out. It was hell without him for the few days and he tortured me with texts and calls saying he thought it was for a reg massage and he would never do that, that I let him back. I took control mostly of the money so I was thinking that he couldn't have went because he hadn't money anyways.I put a keylogger on comp I know it's really bad and we got rid of his laptop also he went bill phone so I could see calls and texts he was making. After awhile I started to feel he had stopped the texting so I stopped all my monitoring and things seemed great.

He decided to start up a business he got someone to invest as we hadn't money and then we began to talk about marriage as soon as business took off and we had the money. He bought an iPad for work and after awhile I started getting a bad feeling I noticed he was messaging girls online and told him it had to stop as I couldnt trust him given the past but I don't think he stopped he became increasingly protective off his phone so I suspected something and had a look through his bill again but because he had been doing a lot of work looking for suppliers and customers it was imposs to tell If something was going on. Last week I finally found his phone unattended and there were texts to a few different women asking them to meet and also he text a Chinese massage place for address and prices. I kicked him out and since he has been absolutely gone mad with the texts and calls they coming in so often I dunno where he is even getting time to sleep. He saying he doesn't know why he did it but he really loves me and can't live without me but he never cheated and never intended to and apparently the massage place rang him first lol and he never looked for it but he doesn't know why he looked for prices and address cause he knew he wasn't going to go and he never did apparently and not only that he says he hadn't money which is true but I don't know its possible his investor gave him cash he didn't tell me about plus he lost fifty euro the week before...


Now I feel so trapped and lonely having nobody no friends no life no confidence I don't know what I will do. All I see is me sitting at home everyday by myself and now even worse for money I doubt I'll be able to pay bills from now on only for my parents said they will help me out for awhile and they are abs devasted that my x did that to me they said that they thought we were perfect for each other. I want him back but i think its wring and I feel it's imposs to even try to move on unless I get friends and life first. I tried dating sites in past to make friends but the men all turned to be dicks only wanting casual sex not friendship, I'd love some female friends but I dunno how I'll get any I don't have any hobbies or even a car now. What am I going to do I can't stay like this.

The_Conductor

Unfortunately you're going to have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and physically get out and about. There are lots of local groups, and organisations who would be grateful for volunteers- and being physically active will give you more self confidence.

First thing Monday morning get down to your local health centre and ask to talk to the Community Welfare Officer too. He or She will be able to explain to you what your entitlements are, even if you qualified for MIS it would make life a lot easier for you.

You have to stop hanging around at home- and get out and about. You'll get depressed hanging around on your own at home- you really need to put your best foot forward- and get out and about. Don't have expectations of people or situations- take things one day at a time, and hopefully you'll be a stronger person before long.

Above all else- be good to yourself.

Loner29

Ok thank u for reply I'll look into volunteer work, that sounds like good idea. Maybe I am just feeling sry for myself but it's just so difficult with every part of my life going wrong at min. Feels like its going to take a very very long time to get everything sorted and on track of where I want to be. I expected to have a lot achieved by 30 but I basically have nothing. I'll try to take one day at a time but it looks very difficult to do that from all the way down here. And what if I'm 40 and still in the same boat it's an awful waste of life, when life is so short.

edellc

OP unfortunately life has an ugly way of doing stuff like this to us and never going according to plan.

You cant effect how your BF behaved towards you, and you where right in what you did even if it doesnt feel like it now. As if you dont have respect for yourself then no one else will and you have shown and decided what is acceptable for you and what is not and this BF was certainly not behaving in a way that shows he loves or respects you.

Yes life seems like an uphill battle at the minute and one that you find daunting and may not feel like tackling, but remember its one step at a time and you will get there and be stronger for it too.

I second volunteering and I also recommend joining a group that you have an interest in, its easier to make friends if you have a common interest to begin with, it doesnt even have to cost the world something small.

30 is still young yes you may not feel it, and you have lovely parents so that counts for something...its nearly the new year so new year new start and new stronger you.

RubyWoo83

OP, don't be so negative on yourself and try to remember that this will pass. I am also recently single (and almost 30:eek:) and I did have a couple of weeks of feeling sorry for myself but I realised that no-one was going to fix things for me. I've been making a real effort with my friendships, and trying to find things to do. I started a course and starting another course in the new year I get out and get some excercise and pretty much try to stay as busy as possible.

Be good to yourself and things will start falling into place

tbh

Loner29 wrote: »

And what if I'm 40 and still in the same boat it's an awful waste of life, when life is so short.

well, you will be unless you make the effort to change your life yourself.

What I would do if I were you is to sit down and write a description of the person you want to be when you're 40 - don't include things like "married with kids" - because that kind of thing depends on other people - but the type of person you'd like to be yourself, things like physically fit, qualified to do x or y,writer or whatever. And then look at steps you can take to bring yourself closer to being that person.

I'm 39 and I'm a million miles from the person I was at 30. You're still young, and you're going through a tough time, but with a bit of effort you can get your control back again and start moving forward.