Thursday Funnies

MonkieSocks

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift.

She shook it, held it overhead, and said, " I bet I know what it is.

Some flowers." " That's right the boy said, " but how did you know ? " "Oh, just a wild guess, " she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter.

The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, " I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets. "

" That's right, but how did you know ? " asked the girl. " Oh, just a wild guess, said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner.

The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.

She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. " Is it wine ? " she asked.

" No the boy replied, with some excitement.

The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.

" Is it champagne ? " she asked. " No, " the boy replied, with more excitement.

The teacher took one more taste before declaring, " I give up, what is it?

With great glee, the boy replied, " It's a puppy! "

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A little old lady was running up and down the halls in a
nursing home.

As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say 'Supersex...'

She walked up toan elderly man in a wheelchair.

Flipping her gown at him, she said, 'Supersex.'

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,

'I'll take the soup.'

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Ex PM Gordon Brown is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.

He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness.

He greets one ... The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain O the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm."

Brown is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

The next patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit."

The ex-PM is even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, he moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awasae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Brown turns to the accompanying doctor and asks,

"Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "this is the serious Burns unit."