How to overcome negativity

LegacyUser

Ok, this is a long one, sorry, and thanks for reading....

I am just looking for advise on how to rise above, and overcome some negative aspects of my day to day life in work. I am looking for tips and other people's similar experience to try and help me with this issue, as it's becoming a problem for me, and I don't know how to get over it.

How do you deal with people not liking you or exclusion in work? I understand you can't get on with everyone, but when a person or people make it clear you are not liked and act negatively towards you, how do you rise above it and go on your merry way?

I take things really personally, and find it difficult to be singled out or reacted to negatively, and I am finding it really hard to stay up beat and positive. I also can't abide back stabbing, or two faced people and am spending a lot of energy keeping tight lipped about such behavior. There are people where I work that I get on fine with, who also seem to be aware of the negativity and seem to be able to brush it off. I would ask them how they do it, but am afraid of being asked to elaborate or bring up something, that appears to be a non-issue for everyone else, and very much a personal thing for me.

I don't have this problem in my life outside or work, only in work, which is why I post here. I need help to endure the 8+ hour day, and not to descend into negativity before my day even starts, so any tips or advise? Please and Thanks

Wanderer2010

I do know how you feel and my smypathies are with you, its very frustrating to work in a place where it seems you are making a huge deal out of something which nobody else seems to notice or worse, brushes your concerns off as silly and petty. I work in a very negative environment where gossiping is rife and its an open plan area so you can often spend 6 hours a day listening to women (its mostly, but not always, women) cutting the back off someone else for what they wore/said/did etc and this can do your head in at times, especially when management turn a complete blind eye to this insidious culture; indeed, for me, they even laugh along at a workmate being ripped apart and fend off any complaints as just "office banter".

Firstly, you may not be as alone as you think, often a lot of other people have the same issue but wont admit it for whatever reason, be it they like the gossip when it suits them or they dont want to lose the support of the clique so take comfort in the fact that you are not alone, all I can advise is to make a list of pros versus cons for the job- is the money good? Chance for promotion, holidays etc? If these outweigh the negativity you should just take the rough with the smooth and go with it because company culture takes years to change. If you are miserable my advice would be to channnel your energy into finding other jobs and shore up your qualifications in tandem with an evening course, that would keep you in a more positive mindset. Good luck, OP

montzarella

I used to find it hard trying to keep the negativity out to. One girl i used to work with had an issue with her boss (my boss to) and used to complain non stop...it was so so hard to listen to her every day, nothing our boss did was right, she was always wrong. I eventually decided to give her about 2 minutes of complaining about her, then change the subject. She got the message after a few goes of this, she just realised I did not want to hear it, it was her problem, not mine. I did offer her advice on how to deal with our boss but she just didnt take it or heed it. Fair enough, but Im not going to keep listening to it.

I find negative people at work can drag me down, make me feel negative to, so i now quite simply keep away from them. I dont care about being excluded, Im not part of a clique and dont want to be. I just want to come in, work, have a few cups of coffee and a quick chat with my colleagues, and thats it. If they start moaning or bitching, I just say, have to leave you to it lads, have a meeting or stuff that needs to get done asap and I bail out.

If your the type to take things personally, I dont know what to say to you, I just know how you feel. Its hard trying to manage different relationships with different types of people at work, but I think you have to find a way to shut it out or extract yourself from the discussion or situation when it arises.

I come in to work most days now quite happy, i have worked here for a long time, i know who's who's and whats what, its a nice company to work for and the pay is good. I keep focusing on that if I start to feel a bit down or negative thoughts enter my head.

mar2000

Excellent advice montzarella :-)

finisklin

It's important to remain professional and to be positive and constructive in how you respond to it. Keeping calm is critical and this is a key part of building your personal resilience to shield yourself from the negativity.

In addition to this you need to address the remarks and comments that are made about you. It's not clear if it's your boss or colleagues in your team or colleagues in other areas of the business that you interact with. Either way you need some stock in trade replies that you can use to challenge them, in a meaningful and pragamatic way. Some of these include, "that's interesting why would you say that to me?" or "that's fascinating why would you ask that question?"

See this KLARDOC framework here, used in a different scenario but the principles are the same. Prepare the responses in advance, write them down even so that you can rattle them off when you are being criticised.

More stuff here on youtube, not sure how relevant or usable for Irish scenarios but will give you a flavour.

I saw this guy at a conference recently and thought his talk on personal resilience was powerful.

Be positive and constructive. Hope it works our for you.