Did I do right thing?

LegacyUser

Met a guy online – We got along well and have gone on four dates. I am 28, he is 29. Had three dates over about 10 days and we got on very well. He is quite busy with some work stuff (really busy time for him at work because he works in retail management so the pre-christmas rush is on and I used to work in that area so I do understand the level of work) and is working late a lot and has a few other things on. Initially there was a bit of texting after first date and then after the third date, no texting. He said it was up to me if we wanted to meet again as he had made a big effort with first few dates. So after a few days and after a bit of texting (which I initiated) I suggested a date. He said he was sorry couldn’t do that date and didn’t follow up with another suggestion. So I figured that was a blow-off and left it at that. Anyhow he started texting again later that week and said he’d like to meet up etc. Anyhow we suggested a few dates and we met up the week after (date 4) and got on really well.

When we meet he is very nice and we get on well and have a laugh. He’s quite respectful and there has only been kissing which suits me completely.

Anyhow on date four we made some plans to meet at the following week because we were both busy. No word from him imbetween (he did say he would be very busy, but how long does it take to send a text)? Anyhow on the Thurs (nearly a week later) when we were meant to meet there had been no word from him at all – in the end I texted him and he texted back saying he didn’t think he could meet because he was so busy and up the walls but maybe he could meet for an hour but he wouldn’t be great company.

I said it’s fine I had something on as by that stage I figured we weren’t meeting anyhow. He texted to say he’d be in touch about trying to meet during week (we both have a busy week this week). Got increasingly annoyed with myself for bothering and a few hours later texted him saying that I didn’t like the way things were going and would prefer to leave things be. He sent a nice text back saying fair enough and if I change my mind to get in touch.

My head is a bit wrecked – a part of me thinks I did the right thing – he didn’t seem all that pushed. Yet a part of me thinks maybe I was too hasty. And in a way I think I’m super annoyed with myself for being so bothered. I liked him and we had a good time but we didn’t exactly know each other for long or get in too deep so why am I so bothered? In one way I wish I had just left it and not done a big closure thing but I was just so annoyed that my time was being disregarded that I knew (in my head) it was the right thing to do. I do appreciate he is busy and I don’t mind the fact we couldn’t meet because of that, it was just the fact he didn’t get in touch to let me know. Also I suppose the other thing is I could see that he was still online on the website so I suppose I figured if he had time to look up his online mail he had time to send a text!

A tricky one as I actually would have liked to meet him again (but I think in a way that’s why I sent it so I wouldn’t be tempted to meet someone who isn’t putting the effort in). But I would like a guy to put more effort in too. Just wondering what ye reckon – if I did the right thing? Kinda regret it now and it’s almost a week later.. Probably overthinking it.

username123

If he really liked you he would have made more of an effort. Generally when you meet someone you really dig you are super excited and no matter how busy you are you will be able to send the odd text. No one is 100% busy 24/7 - people still use the loo, commute, look at websites etc.... There are times in anyones week where they can send a text message.

I think you did the right thing, if his communication levels were this bad after only 3 or 4 dates, its a bad sign. He is probably not a bad guy, but just not that interested - and unless the other person is at the same interest level - its pointless.

Merkin

He doesn't sound like he was all that pushed tbh so I think you were probably right. If he was keen he would have been in touch more regularly and would have been anxious for you to commit to the next date while with you. None of the signs seem to point to him really wanting to take things further so I'd just chalk it down to one that wasn't going to go anywhere and wouldn't waste energy on thinking the what ifs....

Tapping girl

You definitely did the right thing. You deserve someone who makes you feel good about yourself, can't wait to see you, keeps in touch etc - and not have all of this messing around.

Life is too short!

LegacyUser

Thanks for your messages.. just what I needed to hear (though I admit it smarts a bit). It hurts a bit that he didn't just fall madly in love with me (!) but at least I had the good sense to walk away when he started acting half-arsed.. Thanks..

Lorna123

I would find it peculiar that he asked you to get in touch again if you changed your mind, that indicates to me that he is somewhat interested. If he wanted to cut all ties with you he would not have said that. If you are still interested in him you could send him a text just asking how he is, that kind of thing but don't suggest a meet up. If he texts back and the texts are flying then I am sure he will ask you how you feel about meeting up again. Then you can ask him how he feels about meeting up and if he is interested and see what he says.

sffc

Sorry guys but to me its glaringly obvious he's dating someone else and keeping OP as standby. Classic online dating pitfall I'm afraid , sorry.

Lorna123

Yes, the thought occurred to me too that this guy is probably dating others as well as you OP, but that doesn't mean that he is not interested in you. He could be dating a few but that goes for you too, you could be dating others for all he knows. I really think that you weren't dating him long enough for anything to develop.......10 days, or 3 weeks tops. You weren't even exclusive. So all you can do now OP is just text him with friendly banter but say nothing about meeting up and see how that goes. If he likes you he will eventually ask you have you changed your mind about meeting up.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your responses.. yes Lorna123 I do take your point.. I wasn't seeing anyone but have been in contact with a few others and had a date that I actually cancelled with someone else.

That's why I was overthinking and regretting it. But it wasn't the slowness or the fact that we weren't meeting that was bothering me or even the exclusivity, but I supopse if you are interested in someone you will be in touch with them and if you have put provisional plans in for a date with someone if you want to see them you would follow through.

I suppose it bothered me that I could see he was online and yet was crap at texting me. And I just thought feck this I'm not hanging around for someone to mess about with my time. I do think he was interested in me, but to a degree. Like most of you had said there were probably other people on the scene too.

Merkin

Lorna123 wrote: »

So all you can do now OP is just text him with friendly banter but say nothing about meeting up and see how that goes. If he likes you he will eventually ask you have you changed your mind about meeting up.

I really wouldn't do this or you'll risk looking a bit chicken oriental OP. You've told him that you want to leave things be so if you were then to text him for banter he'd think you are probably unhinged. Not being harsh but if he was keen he would have made more of an effort.

JaneeMack

He is definitely leading you on.. If he was interested, he will FIND time to text you and arrange to meet you regardless of how busy he was. Move on and you will find someone nicer!

Lorna123

It would have been better not to have done the big closure thing alright OP, but seeing as you have done that then all you can do is leave it for a while and then maybe send him a Happy Christmas text and see if that leads to any further banter. If he is interested in you he will keep the texts going.

CaraMay

Lorna123 wrote: »

It would have been better not to have done the big closure thing alright OP, but seeing as you have done that then all you can do is leave it for a while and then maybe send him a Happy Christmas text and see if that leads to any further banter. If he is interested in you he will keep the texts going.

I dont understand why? Nothing is likely to have changed. He hasnt been beating down her door for a date.

Mc Kenzie

Hiya dont worry

You did the right thing.

He did not seem fully interested although he seemed nice and freindly, and he probably was ..however not enough for you.

if you did not put a end to it you probably would be still going round in circles with theis chap and keep feeling he was not putting effort in.

Also ,,i know when someone likes you..no matter how busy they are ..they will find a way

Lorna123

CaraMay wrote: »

I dont understand why? Nothing is likely to have changed. He hasnt been beating down her door for a date.

Well, no he hasn't but she cut him off too soon I think. He was probably dating others or just didn't fully connect with the OP but given time it might have happened. So because the OP is now in the dilema where she has cut him off and is sorry I am just making a suggestion on how she could reconnect, if that is what she wants to do.:D

He also told her to get in touch if she changed her mind:D