Not really sure

Karty55

Ok so I have a friend I have known for years. Always assumed he was straight as I never had any reason to doubt that but lately things have changed or at least I think they have. Over the last few months there have been several instances of him saying something that made me question how straight he is.

First one was harmless enough I think... Brought up who in our group of friends I liked. I found it awkward but I put it down to just genuine curiosity. I eventually mentioned 1 guy but he then brought it up again later that night saying which one I liked between that guy and him but he then said no don't answer it would be weird. So a bit odd but I let it slide.

Also told me how he hasn't had a girlfriend or been able to trust women since his girlfriend left him like 3 years ago. Again ok not really sure why he decided to tell me that but yeah that kind of sucks. Some other smaller stuff like joking about being with guys on a night out or whatever. Then of course there is the gym.

Last time we were there as he was leaving the steam room he turned around and said something along the lines of sexy beast. He has said other similar things but that stuck out as the most obvious I guess.

So... yeah not really sure what to think. Could just be really comfortable with his sexuality and is just having some fun messing with me or... I don't know. Any ideas anyone?

Peregrinus

How old is he?

And are you out to him, i.e. does he know that you are gay?

Karty55

20 and yes he knows.

Peregrinus

He's either (a) flirting with you, or (b) trying to open up a conversation which will help him on some journey towards coming out (perhaps to himself before he even grapples with the idea of coming out to you). Either way, yes, his sexuality and sexual orientation is in issue. He may well be gay or bi but, if he is, it may be a while before he's entirely out and entirely happy about that.

Cavehill Red

Peregrinus wrote: »

He's either (a) flirting with you, or (b) trying to open up a conversation which will help him on some journey towards coming out (perhaps to himself before he even grapples with the idea of coming out to you). Either way, yes, his sexuality and sexual orientation is in issue. He may well be gay or bi but, if he is, it may be a while before he's entirely out and entirely happy about that.

This is the sort of prescriptive assumption made by some gay people that pisses straight people right off.
There is no evidence in the OP to indicate that the person being discussed is gay or bisexual. The casual (and limiting) assumption that anyone who passes a compliment onto a gay person or who discusses their attractions with them must themselves be gay is simply wrong.
Perhaps you'd prefer to be back in the good ole days when straight people condemned you to hell, beat you up in back alleys and sent you to jail?
If not, then accept that straight people can simply be trying to make you feel accepted without questioning their sexuality in turn please.

Peregrinus

Cavehill Red wrote: »

This is the sort of prescriptive assumption made by some gay people that pisses straight people right off.
There is no evidence in the OP to indicate that the person being discussed is gay or bisexual. The casual (and limiting) assumption that anyone who passes a compliment onto a gay person or who discusses their attractions with them must themselves be gay is simply wrong.
Perhaps you'd prefer to be back in the good ole days when straight people condemned you to hell, beat you up in back alleys and sent you to jail?
If not, then accept that straight people can simply be trying to make you feel accepted without questioning their sexuality in turn please.

Reread my post. I didn't say the guy must be gay or bi; I said that he may be gay or bi - a possibility which, from his behaviour as reported by Karty55,, I think we must acknowledge to be real.

(And, FWIW, I'm straight myself. To borrow your own phraseology, there's nothing in my post to indicate that I am gay.)

oisindoyle

Why don't you ask him if he is gay

Karty55

If it was as simple as asking him I would. I don't want to make things awkward between us as if he isn't he would think I'm trying to get in his pants or something when I'm genuinely just curious if he is or isn't based on what I have observed the last few months. As for the others yeah I can't really be certain any of that says he is bi or gay. I'm just not sure I really believe it. Just found the behaviour a little odd really and felt like getting a few other opinions.

stephen_n

I guess the best bet is to wait till he decides and then he'll let you know, assuming or trying to figure out someone's sexuality is a very difficult thing to do, especially with a friend. He may be testing the water so just let him come to his own conclussions and if he is I'm sure he'll let you know.

Doop

Have had very similar experiences with a specific friend of mine, but I dont think hes gay, he would just be a very confident guy and has no qualms flirting with me, which i dont mind for the laugh, and I can easily make him stop by taking it one step too far in the joking lol.

To be honest op I wouldnt say he is but it doesnt mean you cant have an open conversation about it with him sometime, but id keep it very general like to discuss how people have different levels of bi-sexualism within them, and to ask him what he thinks, or has he ever thought of being with a guy... that kinda thing. But anyway you know him best. I would assume tho he is nether gay nor bi just comfortable to be able to mess around with what he says.