Wedding cancelled, out of pocket.

LegacyUser

Mates were supposed to get married in a few weeks and now its all off. We'd booked into the wedding hotel, booked annual leave as its not close to us and now we can't get our money back. We got a 'preferential' wedding rate so we had to pay in full, couple had to promise to fill so many rooms and we paid up to help them out. We can't get out of the booking, we bought a present and new clothes and now it's all going to waste. Should the couple at least pay us back for the rooms we paid for to get them a better deal in the hotel? Annoyed as its close to Christmas and we're paying for a room we don't really want, we'll be going to the hotel just for the sake of using the room if we don't get a refund.

John Mason

outofpocket wrote: »

Mates were supposed to get married in a few weeks and now its all off. We'd booked into the wedding hotel, booked annual leave as its not close to us and now we can't get our money back. We got a 'preferential' wedding rate so we had to pay in full, couple had to promise to fill so many rooms and we paid up to help them out. We can't get out of the booking, we bought a present and new clothes and now it's all going to waste. Should the couple at least pay us back for the rooms we paid for to get them a better deal in the hotel? Annoyed as its close to Christmas and we're paying for a room we don't really want, we'll be going to the hotel just for the sake of using the room if we don't get a refund.

seriously?

should you not be more concerned with whatever your friends are going through?

ElleEm

OP, I understand that money is tight with Christmas and stuff, but the fact of the matter is, your friends had to CANCEL THEIR WEDDING. I'm sure you losing out on the cost of a hotel room is the least of their concern.
You can wear your new clothes again, go to the hotel and have a nice evening. Seriously though, if losing two annual leave days is all you have to worry about, you don't have it too bad.

neveah

Yeah I can see how this is very annoying. My best advice would be to use the room and have a weekend/time away with your OH and try and turn it into quality time for yourselves.

It's up to you really, I see your point that it's very unfortunate that you had this room paid for, I think it really depends on your friend's state of mind at the moment, if it was a traumatic breakup, I'd be inclined to leave it. I wouldn't want to cause them any more hassle by pursuing them for money for the cost of a night in a hotel room.
If it was a mutual decision to break up and they were both in agreement with calling off the wedding then they should probably offer to cover the costs of people left out of pocket, it would be the right thing to do if they can afford it. If they can't afford it then you will have to decide if it's worth having a disagreement with your friends for the sake of the cost of one night in a hotel?

miamee

If you can get the days back in work (i.e. not take them off) would you ask the hotel to switch the date and have a night away with your OH?

I'd check the T&Cs from when you booked the room by the way, usually a 48 hour cancellation policy is all that is in effect. If you make a bit of a fuss with the hotel they might relent. Although they have just lost a sizeable booking for what should be their busiest period, so I'm not sure how forgiving they will be.

Terrible to hear that your friends called off their wedding so close

kunst nugget

I think a polite letter asking for a refund should suffice.

Something along the lines of 'I know you've had something pretty cataclysmic happen to the two of you that has meant you have had to cancel your wedding. I know this leaves you in a bit of financial black hole in terms of deposits paid and dresses bought and the fact that your once certain plans have come crashing down around you must devastate you to your inner core. The thing is, we already paid for our room so I'm wondering if you could give us the money to cover it. Otherwise we'll be forced to use it and we will have to send on a bill for dinner and wine (which we would have got at your wedding if it went ahead) and possibly for travel expenses. Chin up and I hope everything works out for you.'

username123

Surely all the guests who booked into the wedding hotel can get together as a group and 'persuade' the hotel to refund with a polite solicitors letter and the mention of 100 odd guests speaking to the local newspapers, internet forums, trip advisor reviews?

I do agree its very sad for the couple involved but that shouldnt preclude guests from getting a refund.

Another option is a chargeback if you used a credit card as you did not and will not receive any services for the money?

Youre just going to have to accept being out of pocket on the new clothes and gift.

hardCopy

You could always go and have a night with the other would-be guests. Presumably a lot of you would be mutual friends?

implausible

I'd concentrate on getting money back through any other channels than the poor couple. If they're good friends, you should be sensitive enough not to go hassling them for money.

Try to reorganise the time off, badger the hotel for a voucher or something more suitable, return the present or regift it. Clothes can always be worn another time.

Worst case scenario - look on it as a nice romantic night away before the Christmas madness and count your blessings that you will have a much better time than your friends, who are presumably going through an awful time.

Neyite

Can you give a shout out on your Facebook to see if anyone would like a cheap weekend away and recoup the costs that way? Or go anyway and have a romantic night or two away?

I believe it would be very crass to ask the couple for money back in this instance. If friends have just broken up and cancelled their wedding, they are down thousands of euro, not counting the emotional fallout. If you are a true friend, don't add to their woe during a very difficult time.

They did not force you to book a room - that was your choice. You could have drove and not drink and returned home afterwards. You can wear non-new clothes to a wedding, you were not forced to get new clothes and in any case they can be worn again If you have the receipt for the gift, it can be returned or exchanged or re-gifted with Christmas coming up or another wedding in the future.

LegacyUser

We had to buy new clothes as it was to be a black tie wedding, so we have a new dress and a deposit on tux hire. We were put under a lot of pressure to sign up for the hotel deal as the couple were to get a discount on their wedding package for filling the rooms. We were onto the hotel and they will not alter the booking as it was tied to the couple's wedding package, they said they can't do anything because the room rate is cheaper and they need to fill the rooms. The couple also had a gift registry with a department store, so we bought the gift in advance as per their instructions and there's no way of finding out if we can get our money back, the store says the stuff is the property of the couple not us so we are out another few bob there. The couple aren't heartbroken, we were up with the bride to be and she said its been hard but she knows she's doing the right thing, but says she's not thinking of anyone but herself now and is going away to take her mind off it. Not really someone who's letting this get her down.

movingsucks

I reckon if you ask the couple to refund you outright you will probably lose the friendship.
So if the friendship is worth the cost of the hotel, go ahead and ask em.
You could try bringing it up in a casual way, maybe asking if they know what the hotel's cancellation policy is? And the might turn around and say "oh God we're so sorry we should refund you for that!" - but I doubt it. It kinda depends on the friendship. If I was the couple it would be on my mind and I'd feel guilty but calling off a wedding is so overwhelming it may not have crossed their minds. Or they may not even have the money to give back.

I can understand it's frustrating for you but if they had gone ahead with the wedding you'd still be "out of pocket" this close to Christmas, probably even more so.

On a practical level, if you haven't worn the new clothes can you bring them back to the shop? If you got store credit maybe you could buy Christmas presents with it. Same with the present. Or if they still have there tags on them you might get a good price for them on a classified website?
Is there no way the hotel will budge? Even a voucher for another time or if they have another hotel you could have a break in?
When we got married we had a couple of people not show up on the day and they had been booked in to the hotel. The hotel informed us we'd have to pay for the rooms. But then when we're settling the bill they didn't charge us for them in the end.
Ring up and explain the situation (if you haven't already that is), give em a sob story you might get a sympathetic person on the end of the phone who can help you out.
Also maybe speak to other guests who are in a similar predicament

Penny Dreadful

kunst nugget wrote: »

I think a polite letter asking for a refund should suffice.

Something along the lines of 'I know you've had something pretty cataclysmic happen to the two of you that has meant you have had to cancel your wedding. I know this leaves you in a bit of financial black hole in terms of deposits paid and dresses bought and the fact that your once certain plans have come crashing down around you must devastate you to your inner core. The thing is, we already paid for our room so I'm wondering if you could give us the money to cover it. Otherwise we'll be forced to use it and we will have to send on a bill for dinner and wine (which we would have got at your wedding if it went ahead) and possibly for travel expenses. Chin up and I hope everything works out for you.'

I'm really hoping you were being sarky by suggesting this.........fingers crossed.

Stench Blossoms

Are you for real?

They aren't getting married for whatever reason (probably something huge) and you want to ask them for your money back? Do you not think they are under enough stress as it is?

You can still use the room. You can still wear your suit. Would you want to be refunded for the haircut you'd probably have gotten as well?

Penny Dreadful

outofpocket wrote: »

Mates were supposed to get married in a few weeks and now its all off. We'd booked into the wedding hotel, booked annual leave as its not close to us and now we can't get our money back. We got a 'preferential' wedding rate so we had to pay in full, couple had to promise to fill so many rooms and we paid up to help them out. We can't get out of the booking, we bought a present and new clothes and now it's all going to waste. Should the couple at least pay us back for the rooms we paid for to get them a better deal in the hotel? Annoyed as its close to Christmas and we're paying for a room we don't really want, we'll be going to the hotel just for the sake of using the room if we don't get a refund.

Suck it up.

Your friend (although I find it hard to believe that they are your friends given how selfish you seem to be) is going through a dreadful experience right now. Thank your lucky stars that it isn't you, return the present and new clothes if you don't have any use for either. Stay in the hotel somtime and not have to worry about who will be the designated driver.
Ask your friends how they are and is there anything you can do to help them out.

username123

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Suck it up.

Your friend (although I find it hard to believe that they are your friends given how selfish you seem to be) is going through a dreadful experience right now. Thank your lucky stars that it isn't you, return the present and new clothes if you don't have any use for either. Stay in the hotel somtime and not have to worry about who will be the designated driver.
Ask your friends how they are and is there anything you can do to help them out.

Thats not very fair, you have no idea of the OPs financial circumstances. It could have been a big sacrifice for them to go in the first place. I agree it would be crass for OP to suggest asking the friends themselves for a refund but no need to insult the OP!

Penny Dreadful

username123 wrote: »

Thats not very fair, you have no idea of the OPs financial circumstances. It could have been a big sacrifice for them to go in the first place. I agree it would be crass for OP to suggest asking the friends themselves for a refund but no need to insult the OP!

Maybe (only maybe) I am being a little harsh but on one hand you have a couple who have called off their wedding (not something you do lightly and without good cause) who are going to be going through some of the most horrible things right now and then someone who is worrying about the price of a hotel room and wants the couple that are maybe no longer a couple to think of the price of his hotel room.:eek:
The new clothes and the present can be returned. The days off work if they can't be changed could be used for something else productive and ultimately the hotel room would cost less than the grief that this couple are going through.
So I'm afraid I have very little time for the OP's complaint.

Big Bag of Chips

Well if you think that they are not that bothered about it then go ahead and ask them for the refund.

I would only do this if you don't mind losing them as friends though.

tinkerbell

OP, I don't think you can ask the couple to recoup your costs.

(a) you didn't have to book into the hotel in the first place - you could have gone to a cheaper hotel or booked into a B&B

(b) you didn't have to buy new outfits for the wedding and presumably you can just wear these anyway to any other occasion you have coming up in the near future

(c) return the present to get a credit note or a refund.

Lollipops23

OP, you can't go asking them for a refund for your rooms etc. Imagine if everyone invited demanded refunds, the couple would be bankrupt.

Put it down to experience and move on. I've seen a relative of mine call off a wedding a few months before and it nearly killed him to get through it.

movingsucks

outofpockey wrote: »

We had to buy new clothes as it was to be a black tie wedding, so we have a new dress and a deposit on tux hire. We were put under a lot of pressure to sign up for the hotel deal as the couple were to get a discount on their wedding package for filling the rooms. We were onto the hotel and they will not alter the booking as it was tied to the couple's wedding package, they said they can't do anything because the room rate is cheaper and they need to fill the rooms. The couple also had a gift registry with a department store, so we bought the gift in advance as per their instructions and there's no way of finding out if we can get our money back, the store says the stuff is the property of the couple not us so we are out another few bob there. The couple aren't heartbroken, we were up with the bride to be and she said its been hard but she knows she's doing the right thing, but says she's not thinking of anyone but herself now and is going away to take her mind off it. Not really someone who's letting this get her down.

Well she might be putting on a brave face but then you know her better than us so really it's your call.
You could still sell the dress you bought you might get a good price for it.
For the hotel, I would park that for now. I can see why you're annoyed but I can't see the couple agreeing to pay you back for it.
The gift, could you ask her or him or their parents? Or one of the former bridesmaids or groomsmen? I know it's a bit insensitive but whatever about the hotel they shouldn't get to keep the gifts.

kylith

I can understand why you're annoyed about this, but I think that you should take the loss, use the hotel room, return the dress, and regift the present. Your friends are probably out of pocket to the tune of tens of thousands of euro, not to mention the fact that at least one of them might now be homeless after the split (if they were living together).

It sucks, but these things happen.

tinkerbell

movingsucks wrote: »

The gift, could you ask her or him or their parents? Or one of the former bridesmaids or groomsmen? I know it's a bit insensitive but whatever about the hotel they shouldn't get to keep the gifts.

I assume they haven't given the gift yet since the wedding was still a few weeks away so I doubt that it's an issue. If they have given the gift already, they should ask for it back - it is expected that you do not keep gifts if you do not get married.

movingsucks

tinkerbell wrote: »

I assume they haven't given the gift yet since the wedding was still a few weeks away so I doubt that it's an issue. If they have given the gift already, they should ask for it back - it is expected that you do not keep gifts if you do not get married.

They did buy in advance from a registry.

Penny Dreadful

outofpockey wrote: »

We had to buy new clothes as it was to be a black tie wedding, so we have a new dress and a deposit on tux hire. We were put under a lot of pressure to sign up for the hotel deal as the couple were to get a discount on their wedding package for filling the rooms. We were onto the hotel and they will not alter the booking as it was tied to the couple's wedding package, they said they can't do anything because the room rate is cheaper and they need to fill the rooms. The couple also had a gift registry with a department store, so we bought the gift in advance as per their instructions and there's no way of finding out if we can get our money back, the store says the stuff is the property of the couple not us so we are out another few bob there. The couple aren't heartbroken, we were up with the bride to be and she said its been hard but she knows she's doing the right thing, but says she's not thinking of anyone but herself now and is going away to take her mind off it. Not really someone who's letting this get her down.

So one of you has a new dress - that could be returned or used for another wedding/ black tie event. The other will kiss goodbye to a deposit to hire a tux. That is not going to kill you.
You can always get dressed up and wear your new dress and a suit you already have (or even hire the blasted tux) and use the clothes for the night in the hotel.
Anyone with a drop of cop on will return all of the wedding gifts and so the store will refund you your money.
The couple are most likely to be devestated despite what they say and you have reported back. I ended a 10 year relationship over 3 years ago and while I knew all along that I was doing the right thing it still was thte hardest thing I have gone through. There was no earthly way I could have dealt with other people's small (in comparison to mine) problems, ones they were perfectly capable of dealing with themselves or to wait until I was in a better place to deal with them on their behalf.
The bride's option to go away is a good one and she needs a change of scene and to just have time for herself.

OP just be thankful that you are not going through what the couple who called off their wedding are.

woodchuck

I think people are being a little harsh; it's a very unusual situation to be in so it's not like there's a clear cut etiquette of what should be done!

I would defintely air on the side of caution though; and as you see from the responses here it wouldn't be considered appropriate to bring this up with the couple.

If money is really an issue:
- return the dress
- really push with the hotel to get your money back (it's not nice, but if you get pushy/threatening they'll usually cave)
- the present; return it if you can. Or if the couple already have it, it's up to them to return it to you (this might obviously take time given the circumstances though and I wouldn't ask)

Rochester

A word of advice - turn down any invitations you might get in the future, you will save yourself so much trouble.

Lollipops23

woodchuck wrote: »

I think people are being a little harsh; it's a very unusual situation to be in so it's not like there's a clear cut etiquette of what should be done!

Yes but common sense and decency would tell you not to go asking the ex-bride to refund the cost of your new dress etc. It's crass and mean-spirited.

TheCatsMeow

Contact The National Consumer Agency ( http://www.nca.ie ) to ask where you stand on getting your money back from the hotel and maybe how to go about getting money back from the Department Store.

I doubt asking the couple to refund you the money spent is going to go well.

username123

I think people are being very harsh on the OP actually.

A hotel room probably costs 100+, a new dress the same, tux deposit maybe 30 euro, and a gift maybe 150 euro.

Of course its dreadful for the couple in question but personally I would not like to have to absorb a 400 euro or so cost for a wedding that was cancelled through no fault of my own!!

Its a huge amount of money, especially these day, in straightened circumstances.

It would stand to reason that the gifts will be returned, if not it would be horribly scabby of the bride or groom to keep them. And surely as a group the hotel guests can persuade the hotel to stump up?

I know people are saying that the OP booked the hotel by choice, but that choice was made because they were invited to a wedding!! Its not the OPs fault that the wedding isnt happening now.

kylith

username123 wrote: »

Of course its dreadful for the couple in question but personally I would not like to have to absorb a 400 euro or so cost for a wedding that was cancelled through no fault of my own!!

You can't expect the bride and groom, whose lives are probably really messed up now, and who are probably in a large amount of debt themselves, to refund ~€400 to each couple they invited though, they'd be financially ruined.

mr_edge_to_you

Unfortunate set of circumstances but not a whole lot you can do.

Your friends obviously had their own issues. IMO They shouldn't have gone to to the point of sending out invitations if there was a serious doubt about the wedding going ahead. There's probably 20 or 30 other couples in the same situation. Despite peoples own personal circumstances there should always be consideration for others. It's easy for them to say they're taking a break from it all and heading away to clear their heads but they should be doing their utmost to return any gifts to people who bought them. It's the least they could do for those who are out of pocket. Again, I would expect a bit of consideration for people who bought gifts here in the run up to Christmas. If I forked out a couple of hundred quid too at this time of the year for a wedding (cancelled at short notice) I'd be raging too. Weddings aren't cheap -a couple would be easily looking at 400-500 all in to go to a wedding. In real terms that's nearly €800 of your gross pay - hefty amount.

I think it is very disappointing that the hotel aren't being flexible with people's bookings - saying they're only valid on the weekend the wedding was originally planned. At this stage If you have the time off booked just go and enjoy yourselves.

Looking for compensation because you bought a new dress and paid for a deposit on a tux?? I think your pushing the boundaries there.

In future, don't prebook rooms and don't buy gifts from a dept store registry. Book a hotel/B&B nearer the time and get a taxi back and just give them cash in an envelope.

miamee

Should the couple at least pay us back for the rooms we paid for to get them a better deal in the hotel?

This was the question in the original post to which, I think everyone has agreed, the answer is No.

username123 wrote: »

I think people are being very harsh on the OP actually.

A hotel room probably costs 100+, a new dress the same, tux deposit maybe 30 euro, and a gift maybe 150 euro.

Of course its dreadful for the couple in question but personally I would not like to have to absorb a 400 euro or so cost for a wedding that was cancelled through no fault of my own!!

Its a huge amount of money, especially these day, in straightened circumstances.

It would stand to reason that the gifts will be returned, if not it would be horribly scabby of the bride or groom to keep them. And surely as a group the hotel guests can persuade the hotel to stump up?

I know people are saying that the OP booked the hotel by choice, but that choice was made because they were invited to a wedding!! Its not the OPs fault that the wedding isnt happening now.

Of course it's a pain in the backside to have spent money on something that is not now happening but it is only money after all - the couple have presumably broken up very close to a wedding day and are each heartbroken with their life in tatters.

The OP and their OH only spent what they could afford (presumably) - they can't afford it any more or less now just because the wedding is no longer going ahead. In fact they don't have to splash out drinking all day (if that was the plan) or driving to the wedding so they are saving money if you look at it that way. I don't think anyone is being overly harsh here to be honest.

username123

kylith wrote: »

You can't expect the bride and groom, whose lives are probably really messed up now, and who are probably in a large amount of debt themselves, to refund ~€400 to each couple they invited though, they'd be financially ruined.

No, of course not and Im not suggesting it for a minute - but you would imagine they would return the gifts.

Im just saying that I can see how the OP is put out. No one knows how much the OP sacrificed to go to the wedding. Its all very well to say that they cant afford it any more or less now - but the point is they were spending the money to help someone celebrate something thats now not happening and had been put under pressure to pay for the room in full by the bride and groom and to buy a registry gift. Had they been left to their own devices they might have booked a B&B and had a cash gift ready.

Personally if I was cancelling my wedding Id be horrified if it also meant that people were out to the tune of this kind of money - not that Id go ahead with it so theyd get their moneys worth but Id be returning gifts and doing my utmost to ensure the hotel paid people back.

midnight_train

OP, I cancelled my wedding three years ago, 3 months prior to it. It was the hardest decision I'd ever made in my life, and words can't describe how HORRIBLE I felt before, during, and after the experience.

Unfortunately for everyone involved, I was engaged to a guy from New Zealand and we were living in - can you guess? - New Zealand. People had booked flights ages in advance. I knew things were not going well, but I stayed in the relationship because I felt so bad about putting people out - him, his family, friends and family who'd booked to come over.

All I can say is that I am so glad I did not marry this man, and that I am so thankful to have friends and family who were so forgiving. Everyone just said that they wanted me to be happy. They all took a holiday to New Zealand. I'd lost a good chunk of money myself and was utterly devastated that things with my fiance hadn't worked out. If people had come asking me for refunds on their flights - that would truly have been the nail in the coffin.

So, believe me, as annoyed as you feel now, I promise you, it could have been a million times worse!

Penny Dreadful

username123 wrote: »

No, of course not and Im not suggesting it for a minute - but you would imagine they would return the gifts.

Im just saying that I can see how the OP is put out. No one knows how much the OP sacrificed to go to the wedding. Its all very well to say that they cant afford it any more or less now - but the point is they were spending the money to help someone celebrate something thats now not happening and had been put under pressure to pay for the room in full by the bride and groom and to buy a registry gift. Had they been left to their own devices they might have booked a B&B and had a cash gift ready.

Personally if I was cancelling my wedding Id be horrified if it also meant that people were out to the tune of this kind of money - not that Id go ahead with it so theyd get their moneys worth but Id be returning gifts and doing my utmost to ensure the hotel paid people back.[/QUOTE]

I'd say if you cancelled your wedding at such late notice your head would be filled with lots of other thoughts before these ^^
If the OP is adamant on pushing this issue then he / she should get in touch with the best man or chief bridesmaid to see what is happpening re: gifts being returned.

username123

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I'd say if you cancelled your wedding at such late notice your head would be filled with lots of other thoughts before these

It would, but Im fairly sure the expense that had already been undertaken by guests would occur to me too. Particularly if the wedding couple had been onto people to pay for rooms quickly so they would get a discount (crass anyway!) - they are surely aware that people have spent plenty of money already.

Not to diminish the pain of the couple in question, but of course they are aware - its just silly to think they wouldnt be.

keithclancy

Jesus OP,

Sort it out, but leave the couple out of it.

I went to a beer festival once, the festival was cancelled, I didn't write to them looking for a refund on the hotel + flights.

Neyite

Anncoates Post deleted.

if you have nothing relevant to add to the topic, please refrain from posting anything at all. For clarification, the charter is here.

kylith

username123 wrote: »

No, of course not and Im not suggesting it for a minute - but you would imagine they would return the gifts.

I would expect them to return the gifts out of common decency but, afaik, they are under no obligation to do so. A gift is considered a gift under the law.

username123

kylith wrote: »

I would expect them to return the gifts out of common decency but, afaik, they are under no obligation to do so. A gift is considered a gift under the law.

Mind you, I wouldnt expect it immediately, let the dust settle etc....

woodchuck

Lollipops23 wrote: »

Yes but common sense and decency would tell you not to go asking the ex-bride to refund the cost of your new dress etc. It's crass and mean-spirited.

I agree, but we really don't know the OPs situation. Going to weddings can be a huge financial strain for people. The OP is just ASKING what is the right or wrong thing to do. No harm in asking; the few hundred euro can make a huge difference to people these days. I assume you've got your answer here though OP!

Penny Dreadful

woodchuck wrote: »

I agree, but we really don't know the OPs situation. Going to weddings can be a huge financial strain for people. The OP is just ASKING what is the right or wrong thing to do. No harm in asking; the few hundred euro can make a huge difference to people these days. I assume you've got your answer here though OP!

While we don't know the OP's situation and people can appreciate the annoyance at being out of pocket I (and I don't think I'm alone in this) am quite taken aback at how little concern or sympathy the OP seems to have for his/her friends who having cancelled their wedding are going to be in a bad place. All he/she seems to be able to think of is themselves. That is not a nice character trait and so people here have little sympathy or time for the idea of saying " Hey, sorry about the cancelled wedding, broken heart and all that stuff but how about giving me my present back. Oh yeah and I forked out for a,b,c too so you owe me € x. Don't forget anytime you need me I'm here for you........unless it costs me anything".

Penny Dreadful

username123 wrote: »

- but you would imagine they would return the gifts.
QUOTE]

I'd say they will return them but it would seem that the cancelled wedding has just been announced. I think it is reasonable to let the couple have some time to lick their wounds, regroup, get their respective heads together and then sort out all of that unpleasentness.

username123

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

All he/she seems to be able to think of is themselves.

Thats quite a big assumption, they posted here to ask advice about the money, not to ask advice about their feelings towards the couple!!

Anyway, maybe they dont know the couple that well, it could be OPs partners friends or work people or some distant family member etc...

LegacyUser

New dress - either return it or keep it for another event you would have had to buy a new dress for.

Tux - your losing the deposit, your just going to have to bite the bullet on that one.

Gift - most likely this will be refunded but it may take time. No point in asking for it now as no ones head will be on straight and it may take time for bride/groom to sort things with store. You may very well be waiting till after xmas to get it sorted but I'd at least wait a few weeks before asking.

Hotel - you've a couple of options, either go and use the hotel room and enjoy the break. Argue with the hotel for a refund or voucher. It's a risk cus once the actual night your meant to stay passes hotel will dig heels in and very likely you'll get nothing. Ask couple to pay cost of hotel room, honestly not going to get you anywhere. It sucks yes but not wishing to sound flippant - sh1t happens. You could lose alot of friends if you make demands right away as many would see it as a bit low. If you wait, maybe they'll work something out with hotel for everyone but it's a very low chance.

Time off work - either cancel if that's possible or else use it most likely in connection with the hotel room.

Penny Dreadful

username123 wrote: »

Thats quite a big assumption, they posted here to ask advice about the money, not to ask advice about their feelings towards the couple!!

Anyway, maybe they dont know the couple that well, it could be OPs partners friends or work people or some distant family member etc...

I don't think it is an assumption. The way I read the posts from the OP is as follows:
1) invited to a mates wedding. Its now been called off.
2) I'm out of pocket for a,b,c and have booked annual leave and the hotel
3) Don't want to stay in the hotel. Hotel won't give me my money back.
4) Can I ask the now broken up couple to give me this money.

No where at all in any of the posts from the OP have there been any signs or indications of concern for their mate. The only concern expressed at all has been for the money they are out of pocket for. Their annual leave.

If they didn't know the couple that well then why on earth would they have felt any need to bow to pressure applied to book a room in the hotel or indeed even attend the wedding (at such great personal expense) in the first place.

username123

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

I don't think it is an assumption. The way I read the posts from the OP is as follows:
1) invited to a mates wedding. Its now been called off.
2) I'm out of pocket for a,b,c and have booked annual leave and the hotel
3) Don't want to stay in the hotel. Hotel won't give me my money back.
4) Can I ask the now broken up couple to give me this money.

No where at all in any of the posts from the OP have there been any signs or indications of concern for their mate. The only concern expressed at all has been for the money they are out of pocket for. Their annual leave.

Exactly, so you are making assumptions on what has not been posted. They posted here to ask about the money, so of course they are talking about the money. They might have zero interest in what anyone thinks about their concern levels for the friends so are just not posting about it.

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

If they didn't know the couple that well then why on earth would they have felt any need to bow to pressure applied to book a room in the hotel or indeed even attend the wedding (at such great personal expense) in the first place.

God knows. Could be a good friend of the OPs partner, could be family that they dont know too well etc.... Who knows? Its not really relevant, and I dont think anyone has said it is at 'great personal expense' but certainly there is an expense associated with these things and usually wedding hotels are not the local Holiday Inn and cheap enough.

All Im saying is that I can sympathise with the OPs position, possibly because things are financially tight for me this past year. I agree that its not a nice position for the couple to find themselves in, but that does not preclude leaving the guests in a crappy out of pocket situation either - it is possible to have sympathy for both sides of this - there are no winners here!

Big Bag of Chips

Penny Dreadful and username123, you've both been around long enough to know that getting into a tit-for-tat discussion is not how Personal Issues works.

Offer advice to the OP, or don't post. If you want to argue the finer points of the thread, take it to PM.

Have a re-read of The Charter - again - and stick to it.

Last warning!!

Big Bag of Chips

CaraMay

Return the dress and cancel the present. It obviously won't have been delivered yet and you may be able to give you a voucher in lieu.

I really would not ask these people for money for the room - no one held a gun to your head to book it.

Should this be in the wedding forum?

msnd

This has happened to me. We went to the hotel for the night that the wedding was on anyway. It was filled with people who would have been at the wedding that we knew.