No hen party?

Vojera

Have any of ye not bothered with a hen (or indeed, a stag)?

My partner and I are having our civil partnership next March. We have all the same friends so it would make no sense to have two separate hens, but when we talked about it we realised that neither of us actually want one. It's really not us at all, plus we'd prefer not to put people to the expense seeing as they'll be paying for travel and hotel for the actual wedding. Is it weird to just skip it?

lazygal

I didn't bother. I really hate them anyway. Seems a bit pointless, and I don't like the expense of them if its a weekend away.

clint_silver

Vojera wrote: »

Have any of ye not bothered with a hen (or indeed, a stag)?

My partner and I are having our civil partnership next March. We have all the same friends so it would make no sense to have two separate hens, but when we talked about it we realised that neither of us actually want one. It's really not us at all, plus we'd prefer not to put people to the expense seeing as they'll be paying for travel and hotel for the actual wedding. Is it weird to just skip it?

It would seem weird to have a hens if you're not into it. If its not you, then don't do it.

Cerulean Chicken

Yeah I'm not having one, hate the idea of them completely. If you don't want one don't feel forced to do it.

ABajaninCork

Nope! I think they're tacky...

And I don't go to them either. But I realise a lot of girls would have one and I'd never down them for that. Just don't invite me!!

Sam Kade

Vojera wrote: »

Have any of ye not bothered with a hen (or indeed, a stag)?

My partner and I are having our civil partnership next March. We have all the same friends so it would make no sense to have two separate hens, but when we talked about it we realised that neither of us actually want one. It's really not us at all, plus we'd prefer not to put people to the expense seeing as they'll be paying for travel and hotel for the actual wedding. Is it weird to just skip it?

Are you a lesbian

Cerulean Chicken

Sam Kade wrote: »

Are you a lesbian

Civil partnership, two hens, same friends, I'm gonna go with yes? Don't see what difference it makes though.

Cerulean Chicken

Only trying to be helpful, won't do it again!

Stheno

I didn't have a hen when I got married, couldn't be bothered.

Why not arrange a joint night out down the pub with a reserved room just to enjoy and have fun?

Sam Kade

Cerulean Chicken wrote: »

Civil partnership, two hens, same friends, I'm gonna go with yes? Don't see what difference it makes though.

Just wondering, not up to scratch on this civil partnership thing.

borderlinemeath

I absolutely don't want one. Really not my cup of tea at all. Himself is not majorly pushed on a stag either (his cousins are determined to organise one for him) but it wouldn't bother me if he had a stag and I didn't have a hen party.

Vojera

Sam Kade wrote: »

Are you a lesbian

Yes!

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It's good to hear that not everyone does it. A fair few of our friends are pushing for one but I think they're more looking for an excuse of a night out than anything else. Might just do that without it being a hen. It might take the pressure off!

Stheno

Vojera wrote: »

Yes!

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It's good to hear that not everyone does it. A fair few of our friends are pushing for one but I think they're more looking for an excuse of a night out than anything else. Might just do that without it being a hen. It might take the pressure off!

Do, you'll enjoy it far more without the pressure

Suaimhneach

I never 'got' hens/stags until I recently attended one. First of all, it was entirely non-traditional. We went to the brides house, made cocktails, played silly games (competition to see who can make the best bride outfit using toilet roll = hilarious), then stayed up late watching bad movies.

What I learned was it was functional! It was REALLY great to meet her friends who I hadnt met before, to meet her mother and sister, and even having a few hours where we didnt even get that drunk together meant the wedding wasnt the first time we all met, so on the day itself we half knew each others names and were that bit more ready to have fun!

If all people at your wedding are likely to know each other already, you're one lucky lady

borderlinemeath

Vojera wrote: »

Yes!

Thanks for the replies, everyone. It's good to hear that not everyone does it. A fair few of our friends are pushing for one but I think they're more looking for an excuse of a night out than anything else. Might just do that without it being a hen. It might take the pressure off!

Yeah, I get the friends thing, "Ah but you have to have one!" Eh, no I don't! I have no interest in being labelled as a bride/hen or whatever and dragged from pub to pub to nightclub to satisfy whatever need they have to give me a "send off"!

Gatica

that's the thing. A hen doesn't have to be a stereotypical tacky fluffy pink night out. You can do so many things, that don't involve that or indeed a weekend away.
However seeing as you're two girls with same group of friends, having a joint hen will be like a pre-wedding party. Have that if you think you'd enjoy it. If it's too stressful then, don't bother. You've enough to be arranging with a wedding.
I think having a few close friends for a dinner out or over to bridesmaids/bride's house is a more relaxing way to do it.

eviltwin

I didn't have one either, I had planned to have a few drinks with my close friends in the week of the wedding but never bothered in the end. It just wasn't a priority. Himself didn't have a stag either.

El_Dangeroso

We didn't bother with a hen or stag either, didn't miss it at all.

carolinespring

No, I didn't have one. It would have been my worst nightmare. My husband didn't have a stag, again he didn't want one.

I did find that a number of people tried to push me into it, but it just was not my thing. I tend not to go to hens if I can get away with not going. I did have to arrange a couple for close friend and tried to do something that they would enjoy.

If you don't want one OP, then don't. Congrats and best wishes for the big day.

cailinoBAC

I've actually never been to any hen other than my own. I'm living abroad, so I found it was a great opportunity to catch up with my friends before the big day. I told my sister I didn't want any costumers or hen paraphernalia (my then future sister in law was horrified on the night 'you didn't even get her a sash!'). On the day my sister and I had some pampering, then we went out and met everybody for dinner in Dublin, stayed for drinks (some others arrived then) and then on for some dancing. It was just a great night out that happened to be 'my hen'. No big deal.

Also some of my friends got to know each other for the first time. I do remember going to one wedding and wishing I'd been able to go to the hen as I didn't really know anybody except the bride.

Vojera

From all your posts the idea of an "alternative" hen is actually pretty appealing. Maybe going for dinner or having a few people around to the house would be nice. Most of my family won't be able to come anyway (too far) but the OH's family could meet our friends which would be nice for the wedding day.

beltzar

Hi Vojera

We had a big BBQ where the company came in, put up a BBQ, supplied the requested food and then cooked it onsite.
http://www.fireworx.ie

Then we hired a small marquee http://partytent.ie/, the guys came to our back garden the day before put up the tent, speakers (we hooked up our stereo), lights, heaters chairs and tables. I had two old white bed sheets, put them on the tables with flowers and BINGO.

We invited both families a few friends and the neighbours - all of these were coming to the wedding.

The night was a great success (I think due to the BBQ to be honest) and the best part was most people had met before our wedding and were able to relax and chat away.

My husband and I are so glad we had this party instead of a hen (and instead of a stag, instead of a big birthday and also a slightly late house warming).

Good luck! I hope the above helps.

summer breezer

I didn't have a hen and my husband didn't have a stag we just weren't into it, so whats the point u have to do what suits u!

TAPA2012

Really looking forward to my hen party! It'll be great to get everyone to meet up and I feel it really heightens the excitement of the big day! I don't like the crazy hen do's, they can be very tacky. I organised a hollywood themed hen do for my sister a year ago. It was a big surprise and she loved it. I did it on the cheap aswell! can help you out with websites etc...she just had her very close friends we all went for a meal and then to a pub and those who wanted to go went on to the nightclub. Make sure you think it through you don't want to regret not having one! Think of the craic!

tatli_lokma

Suaimhneach wrote: »

I never 'got' hens/stags until I recently attended one. First of all, it was entirely non-traditional. We went to the brides house, made cocktails, played silly games (competition to see who can make the best bride outfit using toilet roll = hilarious), then stayed up late watching bad movies.

What I learned was it was functional! It was REALLY great to meet her friends who I hadnt met before, to meet her mother and sister, and even having a few hours where we didnt even get that drunk together meant the wedding wasnt the first time we all met, so on the day itself we half knew each others names and were that bit more ready to have fun!

If all people at your wedding are likely to know each other already, you're one lucky lady

+1 to this.

I didn't have a hen, nor did himself have a stag. We had been living abroad for a while, and this added to the fact that I am not a bunny-ear, penis straw, drunken night-club sort of gal, meant that I didn't want a 'hen' in the modern sense of the word. So instead, we had a bbq at my sisters house about 3 weeks before the wedding. We invited a gang of people (not everyone going to the wedding obviously, but a few mates from each side and some family) and they were able to bring kids etc, or if they wanted just come for a few hours in the day with the kids and then head home. No expense to anyone bar the petrol. It was a great day. Everyone got to mingle and have a laugh, so many guests knew each other already on the day. Also, with living abroad, hubby hadn't met a lot of my extended family so it was a chance for him to meet them, rather than first sight of them being on the wedding day. We had a brilliant, chilled out time.

Many of hubby's mates were abroad, so I didn't want to have a hen if he wasn't having a stag. But if I were to have a 'hen' it would be more along the lines of how it used to be done in the 'old' days! A girly night in, invite all your female relatives - old and young, grannies and aunties and neighbours. Have a good old laugh and giggle. Then usually the older folk would head off and leave the younger ones to stay up late, or even head off to a pub. I remember my sister's hen, and discovered that Mary from round the corner, who went to mass every week, was actually a bit of a kinky madam! It was great fun and kind of signifies a 'coming of age' as a woman - these women who used to view you as a child, now see you as a woman and barriers come down. I really enjoyed my sisters hen and if I were to have had one myself, it would have been like that.

mayobumblebee

i totally did not want a hen but my family did end up arranging a girls only meal with the inlaws and my family it was really special and it did help every one gel before the event they had arranged to give me my something borrowed and something blue on the night and it was a real tear jerker. it was more of a meal with family and friends than anything. it was amazing i am so glad she did it i did not have any tacky pink crap anywhere in sight thankfully.:D no offence to those who want that but that is just not me.
my poor husband totally did not want a stag his mates dragged him out for a pretty tame drinking session in a local pub and called it his stag.

Merkin

A hen would be my idea of hell. I find them a little self-indulgent and tacky so I was resolute in saying I didn't want one. My husband didn't bother with a stag either. We're both very sociable but felt it was enough to ask people to come to our wedding and we see our family and friends regularly anyway. Don't regret not having one at all so don't feel any pressure to go ahead with one if it simply isn't your bag. Congratulations on your wedding day btw!

Glitter

Myself and my wife had the exact same issue with having mostly the same friends and neither of us fancied a traditional hen at all.
So in the end we split up for the first half of the day along 'butch' and 'femme' lines... I went to make fascinators and drink bubbly with my sisters and bridesmaids etc and she went and played pool with her friends. We had dinner separately with our respective gangs and then all met up by 9.30pm for cocktails together for the rest of the night.
No sashes or tiaras or other tack. I would definitely recommend it. It was great for all our friends who all know us as a couple but maybe didn't know each other that well to get to know each other better before the big day.

Squ

Vojera wrote: »

Have any of ye not bothered with a hen (or indeed, a stag)?

My partner and I are having our civil partnership next March. We have all the same friends so it would make no sense to have two separate hens, but when we talked about it we realised that neither of us actually want one. It's really not us at all, plus we'd prefer not to put people to the expense seeing as they'll be paying for travel and hotel for the actual wedding. Is it weird to just skip it?

Each to their own. If you don't want one, me telling you how deadly my stag was, isn't going to change your mind..

pooch90

Neither myself nor my OH want a hen/stag. Our plan is to just have a big party out in our house with both sides of friends, much better to let everyone meet before the wedding we reckon.

@beltzar, did fireworx end up expensive? Half thinking of them for the actual wedding now rather than stag/hen.

clint_silver

pooch90 wrote: »

Neither myself nor my OH want a hen/stag. Our plan is to just have a big party out in our house with both sides of friends, much better to let everyone meet before the wedding we reckon.

@beltzar, did fireworx end up expensive? Half thinking of them for the actual wedding now rather than stag/hen.

As you need skyfest proportions to make them work as a spectacle, Id advise not getting them. waste of money. even if the hotel allow you set them off, you cant be guaranteed the weather and you need to spend hundreds if not thousands from a certain market outside of newry to get anything decent.

then you have to get all the guests to go outside which will take 15 minutes while the worse for wear best man tries to set them off. 10 minutes of fake oohing and aahing, and then 10-15 minutes to get everyone back in again . That's all Ive ever seen with fireworks.

Best avoided. just an opinion though.

HellFireClub

beltzar wrote: »

Hi Vojera

We had a big BBQ where the company came in, put up a BBQ, supplied the requested food and then cooked it onsite.
http://www.fireworx.ie

Then we hired a small marquee http://partytent.ie/, the guys came to our back garden the day before put up the tent, speakers (we hooked up our stereo), lights, heaters chairs and tables. I had two old white bed sheets, put them on the tables with flowers and BINGO.

We invited both families a few friends and the neighbours - all of these were coming to the wedding.

The night was a great success (I think due to the BBQ to be honest) and the best part was most people had met before our wedding and were able to relax and chat away.

My husband and I are so glad we had this party instead of a hen (and instead of a stag, instead of a big birthday and also a slightly late house warming).

Good luck! I hope the above helps.

Sounds like a great idea! I'm planning on getting married within the next 18 months, I'm not having a stags because I just don't want to have one and put my mates to an inconvenience, especially financially as I know how hard pressed some of them are at the moment, where they wouldn't be able to afford to travel or take 100 Euro from a family budget just to go on the p*ss with me for a weekend or a night. If I have anything, it'll be along the lines of the poster above I've just quoted, it'll be low cost (especially for guests) & it'll be low key and I'm hoping the OH will be up for something similar. I just don't think people can set aside money for stags and hens parties at the moment, it's hard enough affording to attend a wedding without the excess of a stag or hen party to factor into the equation I think.

pooch90

clint_silver wrote: »

As you need skyfest proportions to make them work as a spectacle, Id advise not getting them. waste of money. even if the hotel allow you set them off, you cant be guaranteed the weather and you need to spend hundreds if not thousands from a certain market outside of newry to get anything decent.

then you have to get all the guests to go outside which will take 15 minutes while the worse for wear best man tries to set them off. 10 minutes of fake oohing and aahing, and then 10-15 minutes to get everyone back in again . That's all Ive ever seen with fireworks.

Best avoided. just an opinion though.

fireworx is a catering business not fireworks!:)

clint_silver

pooch90 wrote: »

fireworx is a catering business not fireworks!:)

I'll get back in me box so.

Ronan|Raven

Do what you feel like doing Vojera, I am getting married in a few months and I am determined to not have a stag

68Murph68

I would imagine a fair few people have hens/stage due to the feeling that its expected.

Best "stag" I was ever at was when my best friend was getting married. He had zero interest in the standard stag night.

Groom, his brother and myself went for a round of golf, nice meal and a few drinks. Great day out. His missus had a small hen with 3 of her best friends.

Duvetdays

I didn't have a hens hate them all the tacky dressing up and the stupid games. Also they can be costly as they usually involve a night in a hotel, dinner then a night of drinking. My OH didnt have a stag either not his scene. What we did was reserve a corner down the local and ordered platters and was just close family and friends had a great night and I'm glad we didn't listen to people saying oh you have to its tradition.

beltzar

pooch90 wrote: »

Neither myself nor my OH want a hen/stag. Our plan is to just have a big party out in our house with both sides of friends, much better to let everyone meet before the wedding we reckon.

@beltzar, did fireworx end up expensive? Half thinking of them for the actual wedding now rather than stag/hen.

Hi Pooch
Just see your message now -
As far as I can remember we choose the €20 or €25 a head menu. The guy (Tobias) said if we were having 50 people, to order for food for 40. Of course, I ignored him and ordered food for 55 people (or whatever it was) and there was WAY too much food.

The only downside was, they used large wooden logs for the BBQ and this smoked a bit so people had to move around the garden every time the wind direction changed. BUT the BBQ grill was still sh%t cool and people still make reference to it. And it was a great ice breaker at the wedding when people met up again.

Good luck. Tobias was very nice to deal with, arrived on time, was very polite to the guests etc. They also provide catering staff etc if you want.

Wonkagirl

I abhor hens too. If I do have one it'll be a low key long lunch or something with my close friends. Lots of them pushing for a hen, ****in eejits:). I'm getting married in Spain so would be loathe to inflict the hassle on people really.

If you do something have a joint party- why not? **** tradition