I think she's cheating on me

LegacyUser

Hi
I'm fairly certain my girlfriend of 4years is cheating on me,the last 2-3 months she's being acting up,first of all 1 weekend she was away ad when she came back she had a Love bite on her neck,every time I asked her about it she changed the subject or else say it was her straightener,theres nights where shell go a whole day without texting /calling me or even wont answer her phone and arrive back from a night out the following morning and just shrug her shoulders as if nothings happened.anytime we argue about this she justs turns the conversation back on me.she's spending alot of time with her class mates particularly one guy of whom Iv seen some messages sent to her Facebook(she left it open when I was using it ) anyways the messages are very flirtyfrom both parties and would suggest that something happened or will happen.i really don't know what do to.talking to her about is going know where.we have had soo many talks about the situations described above ad all she does is through it all back at me saying iv no proof and that im a paranoid c**t and that its me whos messing up the whole thing.
i really love her and the thought of loosing her kills me but my mind is soo messed up at the moment that a small part of me would be satisfied that my initial thoughts where correct and I wasn't a paranoid crazy freak,
Anyway you could help me?

Buncha Fives

Confused duck wrote: »

Hi
I'm fairly certain my girlfriend of 4years is cheating on me,the last 2-3 months she's being acting up,first of all 1 weekend she was away ad when she came back she had a Love bite on her neck,every time I asked her about it she changed the subject or else say it was her straightener,theres nights where shell go a whole day without texting /calling me or even wont answer her phone and arrive back from a night out the following morning and just shrug her shoulders as if nothings happened.anytime we argue about this she justs turns the conversation back on me.she's spending alot of time with her class mates particularly one guy of whom Iv seen some messages sent to her Facebook(she left it open when I was using it ) anyways the messages are very flirtyfrom both parties and would suggest that something happened or will happen.i really don't know what do to.talking to her about is going know where.we have had soo many talks about the situations described above ad all she does is through it all back at me saying iv no proof and that im a paranoid c**t and that its me whos messing up the whole thing.
i really love her and the thought of loosing her kills me but my mind is soo messed up at the moment that a small part of me would be satisfied that my initial thoughts where correct and I wasn't a paranoid crazy freak,
Anyway you could help me?

I would never be one for jumping to conclusions but in this situation you do seem to have strong grounds for concern. It is very difficult to discuss this topic with her directly because if there is nothing going on she may view it as a lack of trust which could be detrimental to your relationship but personally I don't think you can trust her because of a combination of factors which you have outlined.

Loves bites, flirty messages, staying out until the following morning and not answering phone calls are all causes for concern.... I really think you are going to have to take the bull by the horns, if she is not being unfaithful well she still shouldn't be staying out until the follow morning and she should still be answering your calls, its called respect. I think you need to say it to her that you are concerned and if the whole thing goes up in flames well your better off then her playing around making a fool out of you, if she ends up walking out on you for another guy it will hurt twice as much.

ElleEm

Wow, OP. You poor thing.

Like Buncha, I wouldn't usually be one to jump to conclusions, but I don't think your girlfriend is leaving any room for doubt.

She seems to be unwilling to allay your fears by continuing with her behaviour. I mean, staying out for a full night with no contact and not telling you where she was! The cheek of her!!

Could you maybe go out with her when she is spending time with her classmates/ friends? Even if you offered to go out with her when she claims to be going out with them, you could see by her reaction if she is lying.

curlzy

The fact she is so unwilling to discuss this properly and turns it back on you is very very nasty by itself. You should be able to discuss fears with your partner. There's a difference between a love bite and a burn from a straightener. It sounds like she doesn't have much respect for you, not even answering your calls and staying out all night. Personally I'd call it a day, I couldn't put up with being made a fool of.

Esoteric_

I normally give people the benefit of the doubt, but she's done some very suspicious things, and her behaviour when you confront her is typical of somebody who's caught out. She just goes on the attack and calls you paranoid.

Whether or not she's cheating, this doesn't sound like a healthy, happy relationship. If it were, surely she'd be able to see where you're coming from and be understanding and reassuring, not jumping down your throat?

Just as a side note - I've burned myself with my hair straighteners a few times, on my neck and hands. The burn it leaves doesn't look anything like a love-bite.

Scanlas The 2nd

Regardless of whether she is cheating or not, I think you would be better off without her, she showing you a complete lack of respect. End it.

Sauve

+1 on what Scanlas said.

OP -A girlfriend is someone who makes you happy. Makes you grin like an idiot in fact.
Makes you feel secure and cared about.
Lets you know, in no uncertain terms that you're their (only) man- through actions as well as words.
Doesn't lie or shrug off your concerns.

My advice would be to end it. A girl who thinks that its ok to treat somebody thats in love with her like this doesnt deserve you, and she never will.
You deserve so much more than this.

FrogMarch

Leave her. Whether she's cheating on you or not, she doesn't respect you.

castle

If she says no then you have 2 choices ,1st believe and all is well or 2nd is ask her straight out are you cheating on me and if so have the decent thing and tell me,if she says no and you still think she a cheat why not hire a detective like you see in the movies or follow her yourself some night she going out, wear a wig etc and she wont know who you are, why not check her phone ?if all is ok she should have no issue, normally your first thought is right,

Chara1001

I have a friend whose gut instinct was telling her that her partner was cheating. She asked, he denied, and said she was mad. This went on for a good while till he accidently left some proof in the house. She was right all along and he had been cheating for ages.
Every question was denied till she could prove it. And only then he admitted it- not even to the full extent which she found out years later.
OP listen to your instinct. You know that there's something wrong- now she may not be cheating (evidence doesn't look good) but she may have concerns about the relationship herself.
You need to be able to talk to her and she really needs to put your concerns to rest. These aren't just some insecure feelings on your part where you need reassurance because you just need it. Concrete suspicious things have happened. If she won't do that, i don't think your situation will just fix itself.
Sorry and good luck

LegacyUser

First of all thanks for the replies. We've argued the last few nights and as Ye put it the whole trust thing is thrown back in my face in fact anytime I tried to catch her out she just laughed it off or shrugged her shoulders more or less express absolutely no emotions,I have one piece of evidence left over that she's not aware of,Iv just found out where she has been going well I hae the estate but not the house number.a friend of mine lives there and he saw her last week going into some lads house and low and behold it was a day where I hadn't seen all night or day after,at this stage I don't want a relationship but I want to end it with my head up high and not like a paranoid freak

CaraMay

What is stopping you finishing it?

LegacyUser

Oh don't worry this is finished on my day off I'm heading in to her on her break saying it how it is and how I know about everything and that she basically lied through her teeth last week.then I'm going home to pack up all of her stuff and leave it in the porch

Esoteric_

Mate, I'm sorry it's come to that.

I guess, at least by knowing she was going to some man's house, you have enough proof now to know deep down that she's doing something wrong, and not doubt yourself. You deserve better than that, and I'm glad you're so determined to get rid of her rather than just letting her walk on you.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I actually feel great about myself....I stuck to my gut feelings and the relief of getting it right has taking a huge barring off my chest..for a while I thought I was going mental.thanks again guys!

LegacyUser

Well it's all done and dusted she basically lied about everything and threw it all back at me with the whole trust thing and once I insured her that we were finished it all came out....waterworks etc she's collecting everything tomorrow I'm leaving all her stuff in my house mates room so I don't even have to confront her.thanks very much guys once again.
Mods feel free to close this thread

Bit of advice to anyone who reads this always stick to your gut feelings

Neyite

Closed at OP's request