Did I go too far?

jobseeker999

Hi all. Will try and keep this as simple as possible! Today is the anniversary of my mothers death, I am the only son and have 2 sisters, we are all adults in our 30/40's. We are from the UK but I live here with my family. My sisters have not got on too well for a while, however they had made up until an issue regarding the time we were due to meet today caused a huge row between the 2 of them. This was 2 days ago. Having spoken to both of them, they were both very upset and there was obviously a lot more too this. I was now fuming that they could do this at this time of year and cancelled my flight as I did not want to be caught in the middle. There is also a neice involved who is not talking to the auntie (my sister!)
Anyway today was tough I sent both sisters messages checking they were ok and so they seemed. I got 3 messages individually from them saying the grave looked well and the flowers were lovely etc. I'm not sure why but this was really starting to annoy me now as to me the flowers were unimportant, my mother wouldn't have cared about the flowers if she knew what was happening between her daughters, I proceeded to fire off a text in haste to the 3 of them telling them just that . I can't believe I did it , I am so annoyed with myself, emotions were running high and although I do actually feel that way, I should have kept it to myself. They are all very unhappy and upset with me, I'm not sure I will be forgiven. I've tried a grovelling apology to one sister and the niece which was not really accepted. Where from here?

Starokan

jobseeker999 wrote: »

Hi all. Will try and keep this as simple as possible! Today is the anniversary of my mothers death, I am the only son and have 2 sisters, we are all adults in our 30/40's. We are from the UK but I live here with my family. My sisters have not got on too well for a while, however they had made up until an issue regarding the time we were due to meet today caused a huge row between the 2 of them. This was 2 days ago. Having spoken to both of them, they were both very upset and there was obviously a lot more too this. I was now fuming that they could do this at this time of year and cancelled my flight as I did not want to be caught in the middle. There is also a neice involved who is not talking to the auntie (my sister!)
Anyway today was tough I sent both sisters messages checking they were ok and so they seemed. I got 3 messages individually from them saying the grave looked well and the flowers were lovely etc. I'm not sure why but this was really starting to annoy me now as to me the flowers were unimportant, my mother wouldn't have cared about the flowers if she knew what was happening between her daughters, I proceeded to fire off a text in haste to the 3 of them telling them just that . I can't believe I did it , I am so annoyed with myself, emotions were running high and although I do actually feel that way, I should have kept it to myself. They are all very unhappy and upset with me, I'm not sure I will be forgiven. I've tried a grovelling apology to one sister and the niece which was not really accepted. Where from here?

in my opinion you were right, its likely they will calm down in few days and see the futility of the feud continuing. your text was out of concern not bitterness , clap on the back for delivering a healthy dose of reality.

looksee

Look, you handled this wrong. You should not have got involved in your sisters' row, or even acknowledged it. And the row between the niece and her aunt was none of your business either. You got in a strop that meant you didn't go to be with them for the anniversary. You contacted them and they replied with conciliatory replies that tried to be positive. And for whatever reason this didn't suit you.

You are obviously affected by the anniversary, and presumably so are your sisters. I think they will come round, but from their point of view you didn't go over, you ranted by text and then indulged yourself with a phone call that was about you and your issues.

Leave it for a while, let the dust settle. Make contact in a calm and reasonable way and say you were overcome by the occasion, and hope they will forgive you. Just leave it at that. Time will finish the healing. Take care.

jobseeker999

looksee wrote: »

Look, you handled this wrong. You should not have got involved in your sisters' row, or even acknowledged it. And the row between the niece and her aunt was none of your business either. You got in a strop that meant you didn't go to be with them for the anniversary. You contacted them and they replied with conciliatory replies that tried to be positive. And for whatever reason this didn't suit you.

You are obviously affected by the anniversary, and presumably so are your sisters. I think they will come round, but from their point of view you didn't go over, you ranted by text and then indulged yourself with a phone call that was about you and your issues.


Leave it for a while, let the dust settle. Make contact in a calm and reasonable way and say you were overcome by the occasion, and hope they will forgive you. Just leave it at that. Time will finish the healing. Take care.

Well if I wasn't feeling bad enough. I already admitted that I made a stupid mistake. Thanks for the reply

Knockout_91

I think you are dead right OP, your mother wouldn't want your two sisters falling out. I say this as I can relate (very similar family issue).

They needed a slap on the wrist and you had every right to send that text. It sounds to me like they are a bit immature?

You shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt. Chin up!

tony81

There's obviously age-old issues here and I wouldn't be surprised they go back to childhood, or perhaps the bickering fills a void left by your mother. As calm as everyone tries to be, someone is going to get riled up for little or no reason because everyone is on the defensive the whole time.

Your sisters bicker over nothing (meeting time). You try to take the high ground but act exactly like them by sending that incendiary text that riled them up. But that's life and no one's perfect.

I'm sure your sisters will forgive you, just don't try to justify your text because you were wrong to send it.

In future try not to get involved in squabbling and you should be fine!

DeltaWhite

I thank my lucky stars sometimes that I have no sisters - only 3 older brothers, who can infuriate me at times, but we dont have petty behaviour ever.

I personally think you were right to tell them that they are behaving very ridiculous. How would they feel if they were in your position? I am sure they would get their opinion in fairly quick! It's very hard for you as the only brother to try and be peace keeper especially between 2 sisters. Fair enough maybe dont get involved in future and if you must get involved, keep it civil and calm. It's not your job to be referee between them, but I dont think you should have to be stuck in the middle either!

edellc

OP You totally did the right thing dont let anyone tell you otherwise...eventually everyone has to grown up and unfortunately your sisters seem to be stuck in a teenage time warp and it time to get real.

I like you have two brats of sisters who although are in there late 20/30 still act like we are in secondary school and it drives me mental...like you we also lost our mother and had the first anniversary this year and the childishness of them made me wish they where in the ground and not mam and tbh since then our relationship has just deteriorated to nothing which at present is fine with me...however I wish I had your balls and spat out what I was feeling rather than walk away and keep stum as its me that sits here fuming at them and trying to reconcile it all in my head and I am venting at the wrong people when I should have vented at them. Which is what you did and fair play to you...let them have a long think about their behaviour and if they want to apologies so be it if not is it any great loss.

When mam died I thought it would bring us closer instead it just showed me their true colours and it makes me sick, for you OP I think the ball is in their court so take a breath and wait to see what their next move is, but dont tear yourself up over it as I am sure they are not upset in the slightest about you and your feelings.

Susie564

My mam died in 2001 and I am the youngest of three sisters (all in our 30's). I find that me, my sisters & my dad unwittingly get a bit snippy and irritated with each other in the run up to mam's anniversary. Everyone's emotions are on high-alert, even after eleven years in our case, but things calm down again afterwards. None of us really got on before mam got sick but we're all very close now, which is nice, and I would be upset to fall out with them. I hope you can work it out with them, but don't beat yourself up about it too much. I don't think you did anything wrong in this situation. Maybe just give it some time and space???

looksee

jobseeker999 wrote: »

Well if I wasn't feeling bad enough. I already admitted that I made a stupid mistake. Thanks for the reply

Next day - look I'm sorry I phrased that so abruptly, I had had a general anaesthetic for a day procedure and thought I was ok, evidently I was still a bit addled. I hope you sort things with your family.

IrishEyes19

I think the OP had every right to intervene, absolutely disgraceful of your sisters to act in such a way on an anniversary of someones death. They are adults and should have kept their petty bickering for another time.

Do not apologise, let them cool down and sort out their issues. I wouldnt have wanted to be around them either,they need to grow up. Well done for telling them as it is.