christmas presents

pink5

I've two particularly close friends who are struggling fifnacially this christmas. We have for a few years always spent about 50eur or so on presents for each other, however this year - friend 1 has had a baby this year and finding things tight, friend 2's partner has lost his job so their income has fallen and they are struggling. I can afford the usual presents as things are going ok but I feel if I spend the usual amount this year I will put them both in an awkward position of feeling they will have to give the same back, on the other hand if I dont buy the same amount as I have always done I feel i am making assumptions thats they cant afford it back and also it implies that i am cutting back because I think they will and that wouldnt be right as for me its not about giving and taking equal value its about what a person can afford. so why should I give them less this year becasue they are having difficulties. So im in two minds of what is the right thing to do..........any advice?

dubstarr

Just buy them something small and say you dont expect a gift back.Or just buy for teh kids and not the adults.

meoklmrk91

If they can't afford to buy you a present of similar value back you may be putting them in an awkward position. Why not sit down and set a price with them? That way everyone knows where they stand and no one is under pressure.

username123

I got a text off a friend last week saying that instead of the usual gift giving can we keep limit ourselves to a tenner.

I delighted, she is delighted, the other person involved is delighted. Just set a low limit and either give hints to what you would like for that kind of price, or let people be imaginative.

Jack B. Badd

How about homemade gifts instead of bought? Baked goods nearly always go down well for Christmas. Or knitted/crochet hats/scarves/etc. Or just meet up for a nice dinner at your place instead of presents. You could send out a text with the suggestion & say you feel like trying something new this year. They'll probably still know the reason but at least it won't be so blatant.

Neyite

OP for several years now, our (huge) family have done a Kris Kringle with a limit of €50. That way, you only have one person to buy for, and the stress of buying for lots of people doesn't come into it.

Why not just suggest that to them, and ask them for a limit that would suit -say €20. Its the gesture that counts after all.

Witchie

Myself and my friends have been doing a Kris Kindle among ourselves this last few years and we set a tenner as the limit. It actually makes it more fun to try and come up with something that suits your friend's personality on a limited budget.

Alternatively you could suggest that instead of gifts this year you go for a few drinks so that they can also get the chance to get away from their wee ones and relax.

RossFixxxed

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

How about homemade gifts instead of bought? Baked goods nearly always go down well for Christmas. Or knitted/crochet hats/scarves/etc. Or just meet up for a nice dinner at your place instead of presents. You could send out a text with the suggestion & say you feel like trying something new this year. They'll probably still know the reason but at least it won't be so blatant.

I completely agree with this. Let people know, discreetly if you choose. I'd be blunt myself but that's a choice. If someone gave me baked goods for Christmas I would forever be their guardian angel, I LOOOOOVE baked things!

Everyone understands that things are tight at the moment, and a lot of people I know have woken up to spending a ton of money on stuff that people often don't even want! Keep it simple, the presents you remember the most are often the really thoughtful little ones!

LegacyUser

It's good that you have realised that things might not be great for your friends at the moment. You don't want to make them feel that they have to spend money on you when times are tough.
Do either of your friends have skills that you don't - ie can they bake or could they do something to help you out ie baby sitting?
Could you say to them you don't have to get me a present but could you do x or y or me?
It takes pressure off them with what to get you or how much they can afford to spend.

If you are giving them a present you could give them a gift card for Dunnes or Tesco - you could just say to your friends I did not know what to get you this year so why don't you get something for yourself. This card could be used for what ever your friends need ie food, clothes ect.

For the person who had the baby why not find out what baby milk they use or what size nappies the baby takes and get her some of these - just say I saw these on offer.
Dunnes, Tesco, Supervalue often have offers on nappies.
Once your find out the size if you buy the next size up so they have them for when the baby gets bigger.

ibarelycare

OP if I was in your situation, I'd send them both a text saying "Hey girls, we're probably all trying to tighten our purse strings this year, so how would you feel if we put a €10/20 (whatever) limit on our Christmas presents to each other"?

That way, you're not creating any awkwardness by presuming that they can't afford the usual spending. You're making it about yourself as well. Even if things are ok for yourself and you can easily afford it, for all they know you could be cutting down on spending at Christmas like so many other people are.

miamee

Myself and my friends have been in this situation before and were very up front with each other about it. at first we went from buying each other gifts to doing a Kris Kindle and setting a limit and then as more babies came along we stopped buying for each other but still try to have at least one night before/after Christmas where we go for an early bird and a few glasses of wine somewhere near home so taxis don't cost much. Alternatively, you could suggest lunch and a few glasses of wine some Saturday in your house - we used to do that, so much fun getting tipsy on a Saturday afternoon with the girls

tony81

Next time you are talking to your friends, get around to talking about Christmas presents. They might say "I'm cutting back this year", in which case you could say you are doing the same & would they like to set a limit on the amount to spend on presents.
Alternatively, if you're a circle of friends you could suggest Kris Kindle instead.

LegacyUser

OP why not suggest you don't do presents any of you this year and instead have a girls night just the three of you....my mum has 5 sisters and it was getting too expensive buying for each other so for the past few years they have a sisters night near Xmas where they go to one persons house, everyone brings a dish and they drink wine, watch crap films and have a good laugh. I think my mum looks forward to that night as much as Xmas day now each year.

Ellsbells

Can't log in wrote: »

OP why not suggest you don't do presents any of you this year and instead have a girls night just the three of you....my mum has 5 sisters and it was getting too expensive buying for each other so for the past few years they have a sisters night near Xmas where they go to one persons house, everyone brings a dish and they drink wine, watch crap films and have a good laugh. I think my mum looks forward to that night as much as Xmas day now each year.

Yeah this is a good idea. Say you are cutting back and ask if ye can do a night out instead.

amtc

Yeah, they're all good ideas.

I suppose, in my family I'm lucky in that birthdays are the most important thing as it was always instiled that they were your special day. A few stocking fillers really at Chrismas as there's no children.