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No good friends

  • 17-11-2012 5:03pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,

    I'm in my early twenties and I guess this issue has been bothering me for a few years now. I've always been someone that struggles to make close friends. I'm female and even as a teen I never had 'best friends forever' and all that stuff. I've always had friends, but I tend to drift between groups of friends every couple of years. My oldest friend is therefore only 6 or 7 years.

    The issue that gets to me really is that a lot of the time I won't hear from my friends for ages. Now, this in itself isn't really something that bothers me mainly because I have a busy lifestyle and a great boyfriend. The problem is that its always me that has to initiate meeting them. Often I feel like if I don't text to meet up or go out for the night then I would literally never hear from them again. This goes for a lot of my friends. I'm beginning to wonder if its some problem with my personality, although when we do go out we have a good laugh.

    Maybe its because I'm a bit more reserved than some people, I don't really like to live in my friends pockets... but does this mean I'll never have good friends?!

    I don't know if any of that is comprehensible but if so any advice/knowledge would be appreciated


Comments

  • #2
    Its Behind You!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 333 ✭✭Its Behind You!


    Err...I'm just noticing 58 views and no replies. I'd like to give you some sort of response, but its tricky enough, not knowing you, the circumstances and that sort of thing. But I'm sure what you are experiencing is perfectly normal.

    I'd like to say that you probably have more friends than you think, and friends that care about you more than you think. And to have a constant friend of 6/7 years when you are early 20's is pretty special in itself.

    A lot of what you have said indicates that you already have many friends, but like you, they are young and busy and finding their way in life. Maybe its what your understanding of what being a good friend is for you at the moment. With respect, you are still very young.

    So what I will say, is that to have good friends you have to be a good friend.

    What I mean is this. You don't get to have good friends by accident, you have to put the effort and time in.

    (I'm not talking about casual friends here, who you might meet up with occasionally for sports or social events, and I'm presuming you're not either?)

    Think about what people you know who you like, phone them up and ask them how they're doing, ask them out for coffee, don't smother them, but just let them know in a gradual way that you care about them in a good friends way. And when the occasion arises, when they need a friend, you'll be there for them.

    Anyway, I was always told, and believe, that if you have more real true friends than the number of fingers on one hand, then you are very, very lucky indeed, or mistaken.

    Loads of people, might appear to have loads of friends, but in reality they probably don't have many really good true friends, and if you were to ask them, they'd probably say as much.

    I guess my last rambling words on the subject are, your life partner should be your one true, loyal forever friend. It'll all work out I'm sure.

    Best wishes...


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