Guy at Work...

eaglach

I was wondering if you guys could give me some advice. There's this guy at work, well I don't work with him, he just works in the same building as me. I'm kinda interested in him, but I don't know wheter I should do anything about it.

I know for a fact he is gay (accidentaly stumbled across his gaydar profile), but I'm 100% sure he doesn't know I am. I've never spoken to him besides maybe saying hello if we walked passed each other in the hall.

I was thinking of sending him a message on gaydar or something, but then if we get chatting it might be awkward at work. I don't have any gay mates besides online so even if we dont hit it off, it wouldn't be bad to have a gay friend!

Is it best advised to keep work and personal life seperate in situations like this, or should I pursue it further?

Thanks.

akaspike

Asides from being gay, do you have anything in common that your aware of?
I’d prefer a face to face approach, i’d say go with a quick hi and work from there, try and keep things in the real world. Sometimes they work out best, plus you’ll be less likely to put your foot in it, when it’s face to face you can get a better understanding of the person and know straight away if it’s got a chance of working out.

Hugospader

My advice: Start off as friends first. Trust me.

mikemac1

Have ye any groups in work?

Like astroturf football?

Good craic, good icebreaker

eaglach

I don't know anything about him I'm afraid. And theres no real work get togethers. We work in completely different sections.

I think face to face would be better, but I've never done anything like that before. Always the anonymity of the internet for me! I don't know how I'd survive with it...

toexpress

If you're shy about it maybe send him a gaydar message telling him that you are shy you never know he might think it's kinda cute and a lunch could lead to something beautiful

brownej

If you do send him a message on Gaydar make sure you identify who you are and include a picture or something. Nothing says crazy stalker like an anonymous online message saying "I know who you are and where you work. Will you go out with me"
He might also think it odd that you work in the same company and see him regularly but still sent an online message. I know I would.
If you're really shy and don't want to approach him directly you could see if theres anyone in his office that you know that could say something to him. Although this could be awkward if he's not "out" at work. lots of pitfalls.
I'd say try the direct approach.

Rick_

If you just sent him an online message he might find it weird that you didn't approach him directly, personally it wouldn't annoy me as long as it was clear who the guy messaging me was, but everyone's different. If you do send a message make sure there's a picture on your profile or attached to the private mail so he knows who you are and that you're not some stalker weirdo!

Or, why not try to make an excuse to be in the area he works in. Make eye contact. Walk past and drop something so he notices you being there. If he's going to get a drink in a kitchen or tea room or to use the photocopier or whatever, go over as well. Strike up a conversation, it can simply start with "Heya. How's it going?" Mention something work related if you don't want to get personal too quickly. Mention your rushed off your feet with something work wise or that you were really in need of that cup of coffee. Ask him how his day is going. It's the little things really, and if he responds well and strikes up a convo, all the better. If he doesn't then at least you tried, or he could be just as shy as you!

Perhaps after you've tried talking casually to him for real, follow it up with a message online saying that you're shy and are just sending the message to say you enjoyed chatting to him and ask him if he'd like to go to lunch some day and see how you get on from there? To be honest, if a complete random male from another part of the company came over to him and started talking for no reason, chances are he will catch on pretty quickly that you're gay and he will respond accordingly, either by engaging you in a convo or dropping hints he's not interested or whatever. You're never gonna know though until you try! Good luck, whatever you do. Let us know how it goes.

i_steal_sheep

Paddy C wrote: »

...make an excuse to be in the area he works in. Make eye contact. Walk past and drop something so he notices you being there...

Brilliant :-) Make him feel like he's in a TV Soap or something :-) It's so damn cheesey it might just work :-P

Rick_

If you want pure cheese, walk past his desk and "trip". Either fall on the floor beside his desk and let him help you up and care for you like prince charming or put your hand out and stop yourself from falling by using his desk to steady yourself. Both of those are guaranteed you get you noticed by him at the very least!

toexpress

Or swoon in his area ... come over a little queer! And look as though you need to be picked up!!!

boredboard

hello... I would be wary of making it known to him that someone in work has viewed his gaydar profile... Just saying it may be awkward for him because of some of the content on some profiles; but obviously the level of 'awkwardness' depends on a lot of factors... I would personally try the face to face approach; just be friendly and try to strike up a contact other than online... that is just my opinion. Good luck!

Hugospader

If you contact him through gaydar: there is less than 50% chance of success rate.
If you talk to him in real life: there is 100% that you two can be friends at least.

Obviously the best way to approach him is in a social night out in work. If there is no way you can talk to him on real life, you can flip that coin and send him a message. But remember he might be obliged to message you back because you are his co-worker.

My advice: If there is no chance you can talk to him in real life, you need to move on and find somebody in that cyber world. Plenty fish in the sea.

coolperson05

I agree with the other posters - he could be very awkward if you message him, knowing that you found his profile. A person I know messaged me before on a different site with the "oh fancy seeing you here" type message...Made it really weird when we next met up!

Face to face is always great, just start chatting. And as you say, a friend's a friend. Best of luck either way!

Norcop

Why don't you just send him a message on gaydar and include a face picture. Pretend you don't realise he's a co-worker. If he likes you he'll get back to you!

Aurongroove

So he doesn't work with you, you hardly ever see him, you know he's gay and you like him.

If that was me I'd be doing things in real life, not through Gaydar.

An invite via Gaydar seems easy and disposable and he may just think "nah..." to the whole thing.
But in real life you looking face to face and he has to decided "wait do I like this guy?" I mean really when you think about it the question your asking is should you actually speak to this guy in real life or solicit your interest through Gaydar.

in which can I'd got for real life every time. Scarier, realer, but the better route because it shows him your not just another faceless gaydar message.