Getting very stressed and down in college

LegacyUser

I am a third year college student, just a few weeks away from important exams. I regularly get stressed over exams, but this semester my stress has taken a new level. For the last two/three weeks, I have been feeling really down, completely lacking in motivation. Somedays I feel so down that I simply cannot study. I've been stressed before but rarely like this - normally stress encourages me to study, but it's like it's doing the opposite this semester. There are many days going by where I don't study at all, but everybody else in the class (and I my three housemates are also in my class) are studying a lot and I can't help but to compare myself to them and feel worse.

I know this sounds like depression, but I'm not sure it is. Previous to this, I've never felt this down. And nothing happened to make me down at the moment, I'd even go so far as to say that life is 'good' at the moment so I have no idea why I feel so lousy. But unlike with people with depression, I don't feel in any way suicidal or have any desire to hurt myself!

I've tried some things to make myself feel better, exercise, taking an evening off etc. I might, for example, go on a walk, and while walking I'd feel a good bit better, but once I'm finished walking it's back to the books and I just feel the same. I know it's recommended that I talk to a friend, but as nothing has actually happened to cause me to be down, I'm not sure what I would even say, or how I would start the conversation. Plus, all of my close friends are in the same course as me and so they are all studying, and any conversations with them tend to involve me hearing about how much work they have done, and it often results in me feeling worse.

How can I cope with this unbearable stress? The only thing I've found to work is to drink a small amount of alcohol (usually by myself), but obviously this is a temporary fix and not a solution at all.

Neyite

Firstly, are you looking at the mountain of work and not seeing it in manageable bites? If your friends seem to be plowing through coursework then avoid the subject with them.

Do you have a study timetable with regular breaks? You need to do this - and specify (realistically) what you hope to have studied in that segment. When you see yourself achieve your weekly goals it may take a bit of the pressure off you.

Then take yourself away entirely during your breaks. A walk is of little benefit if you worry during your walk about stress/study/lack of progress. Maybe do something more than a walk. A proper run where you can pound away your stress, get your heart rate pumping is probably better. Its good that you realise that drinking to de-stress is a bad idea, because it can easily become a habit.

Another area to look at is sleep. Are you sleeping well? getting 8 hrs or so.

looksee

First of all, depression does not = thoughts of suicide.Agreed, it can, but it is not inevitable.

Go to your doctor and establish whether you are depressed.

If he thinks you are not, then give yourself a break and do something nice for a couple of days, see if that helps. Are you living on pot noodles and takeaways? Make sure you are eating properly, a sensible varied diet. Don't allow yourself to mooch on the computer till all hours, get some sleep. Organise your study hours so you get a break occasionally, and, as you are doing, get some exercise.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

That's good advice about making a study plan, I should do that as to start to make progress might help me make progress - this is now the third day where I haven't opened a book, and I'm only getting more anxious as exams are getting closer and others in the class are doing more.

I haven't been sleeping that well lately at all. I'd very rarely get 8hrs sleep generally, but lately I'd have trouble dropping off until about 2/3am or so. If I have a 9am lecture I can get up just fine, but if I don't have an early start, normally I'd intend to get up early to do some work but would end up staying in bed just because I can't think of a good reason to get out (plus it's warm, comfortable, etc :P)

I suppose my diet could be a bit better in fairness, it's something I never gave a moment's thought to in light of how low I've been feeling.

Re: seeing the doctor about depression, I still doubt it is that. From what I gather, depression is either something you have for a long time, or it's something that develops due to some circumstance e.g. a breakup, bad childhood etc. - none of that applies to me.

In previous years, I have actually done very well in exams (top 3 in class). This year will be an entirely different study due to complete lack of preparation and motivation, but I think the thought of the pressure that's on me to perform isn't helping me either.

--LOS--

Go to your college counselor, they are there for all kinds of problems, big and small, it can be an intimidating thing to do but I've used them in the past and it has been very helpful, plus they're free, you have all these great services available to you as a student so use them, even just for one or two sessions, you might feel better. Sounds like you're just really feeling the pressure of exams now and being around your classmates constantly is not helping, but maybe it could help you, do you ever study together? If that isn't working for you maybe you need to study away from them, head to the library or w/e

skyfall2012

StressedStudent wrote: »

In previous years, I have actually done very well in exams (top 3 in class). This year will be an entirely different study due to complete lack of preparation and motivation, but I think the thought of the pressure that's on me to perform isn't helping me either.

It is not uncommon for students in college to become a bit down under exam pressure. When I was at college I was like you top of the class could never relax and enjoy myself and I would marvel at those who would come into the lectures now and again, study the night before an exam and still pass (just barely though). They went on to get their degrees and get jobs, I got my degree and became a SAHM. So I would say, it is OK to be the person who just barely passes the exam. Your friends may tend to talk to you more about how much they are doing (they may not be doing as much as they make out) because of your past successes in exams. I propose you give yourself a break, you might have to drag yourself over the line this time, but chances are it will be different the next.
I would talk to the college counsellor or your GP.

Neyite

Skyfall2012, welcome to PI/RI.

Please note as per the forum charter and site rules offering any form of medical diagnosis is banned. Doing so can result in a warning/infraction and/or a ban.

If you have not already done so please take some time now to review the aforementioned rules and charter.

Thanks
Neyite

skyfall2012

Neyite wrote: »

Skyfall2012, welcome to PI/RI.

Please note as per the forum charter and site rules offering any form of medical diagnosis is banned. Doing so can result in a warning/infraction and/or a ban.

If you have not already done so please take some time now to review the aforementioned rules and charter.

Thanks
Neyite

Thanks for that warning, I have edited my post accordingly.

RossFixxxed

Don't try to diagnose yourself. If you think something is wrong go see your GP for advice. It could be stress, it could be your diet is affecting you, we have no way of knowing. Don't go reading about depression and getting yourself wound up. If you can get studying again, make a plan and get moving great. If you are incapacitated by these feelings go to a professional.

tony81

Hi Op,
Sounds a bit like burnout. 2 sets of exams a semester, leaving cert before that, continuous assessments and class tests.. maybe your body's saying "oh, this again. Time to save energy and power down".

A study plan is a great idea. In future you should study more throughout the year so there isn't as much pressure for you to do last minute cramming.

Another thing that helps me study is a change of environment. College, town library, home, living room.. even a coffee shop or pub during the day can provide a nice change of environment.

PS about the small bit of alcohol.. I think what you're feeling is anxiety and obvious alcohol can steady your nerves. I'm not sure if it's a good idea or not, but it's always a bad idea to self-medicate so see a doctor for a proper diagnosis and medication.

LegacyUser

This is the OP.

Thanks for the replies, they really were helpful. That is interesting about it possibly being a burnout, in addition to all of the exams I did have a job all through the summer holidays, working Mon-Fri with an hour commute each way. It's not the same type of 'busy' as college but possibly a bit more downtime would have been helpful.

However, I'm not sure I've been doing enough work this semester to classify myself as burnt out. I've certainly done more in the past without being burnt out.

I find that I am really easily upset over the smallest of things, and I find what bums me out most of all is something which makes me feel lonely. For example, leaving the house one day with my two housemates, they walked off ahead while I locked the door, and this upset me as I saw those two walking together and started to play up the most ridiculous scenario in my mind about them not liking me and myself being nobody's best friend etc. This is completely irrational as they were simply just walking ahead! I feel the exact same if I don't get a reply from a text etc.

Last week was a good week, after I posted this thread I had a couple of good days, but now I'm back to roughly the same (possibly not just as bad). Exams are very close, but my motivation feels so little that I could not study over the next three days and not feel guilty at all (which I should because I *need* to study!).

Sorry I'm venting a bit!

smoggy11

StressedStudent wrote: »

Re: seeing the doctor about depression, I still doubt it is that. From what I gather, depression is either something you have for a long time, or it's something that develops due to some circumstance e.g. a breakup, bad childhood etc. - none of that applies to me.

Just as a note OP, just because you haven't had something happen to you does not mean that you couldn't be depressed. Depression can be something that just happens sometimes, a chemical imbalance that can also be caused by stress. The two often go hand in hand. Self-diagnosing, as previously mentioned, is a bad idea, but I would go and talk to a doctor or, as someone else said, your college councellor.

I was in a similar situation at the end of the last college semester and I ended up in a really bad place because I didn't want to admit to myself that I might be depressed, I felt like I was somehow failing at college life if I did!

Good luck OP, help is always there if you're willing to look for it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the answers.

I haven't gone (yet) to see a counsellor/doctor as I honestly didn't think it was that bad, but I've been in a bad way these past few days. Two nights ago I stayed up all night, mostly because I needed to get an assignment done. Then I was wrecked the next day, so was extremely unproductive and went to bed very early. Today I slept in until about 12, despite being awake around 8am (I just didn't have the motivation to leave bed). I knowingly missed two lectures which I've never done in the past.

The strangest bit was, I wanted to people to see that I've missed lectures and worry. I know that makes no sense, but it's almost like I want someone to ask "am I ok?". I know that sounds like attention seeking, and sometimes people do ask me how I feel and usually I just tell them I'm fine which makes the whole exercise a bit pointless.

Sorry for the long response. Even if I was to go to counselling now, my exams start in a few days. And I have an assignment due for tomorrow I haven't started, and another one due for Friday which I haven't started. It'll be a couple of sleepless nights I think. How can I make myself feel better in the short term? After exams I can worry about things like GPs/counselling if I still feel down, but at the moment I just want to feel less empty/stressed/down/demotivated so I can actually sit down and get some work. It's gotten to the stage where I can go entire days without looking at a book and not feeling remotely guilty.

tony81

Hi op.
A lot of what you're saying is completely normal..

People do crazy things around exam time. Decide to learn a new language. Go on a diet or eat too much. Keep their house spotlessly clean. Get addicted to facebook. Silly stuff, often counter intuitive.
Fact is everyone deals with stress differently, and just because you don't feel stressed does not mean you're not stressed... Obviously your behaviour is uncharacteristic. That's stress.

a good skill is to forget about cramming. Instead, study a subject you are interested in and good at, and try to 'take' something out of every class you attend. It's great to be able to say 'i might not get the highest marks, but at least i learned a lot'

It really sounds like you don't enjoy what you do, and your usual tactic of cramming let you down after a few years of coasting through exams.

The thing is, if you do the exams you'll probably pass them. Colleges pass everyone these days.
The c.a's will somehow get done before the deadlines.

But i think you need to find out what you want out of college - apart from just a piece of paper.

RossFixxxed

Look at it this way: these things are normal, BUT if they are aversely effecting your life then it is a problem for you.

I mean, everyone has thought "did I turn off the iron, did I close the fridge" and has a check, but doing it 20 times is an issue. Many mental health issues are normal things taken to an extreme, that you can't help and have a bearing on your life.

There isn't really a short term fix. Set some immediate study goals and reward yourself for meeting them? Try to remember why you are doing the course and find something in it you are passionate about. Get a little of the old spark going.

Going to the GP WILL ACTUALLY HELP YOU IN AND OF ITSELF. The very action will help, and it may give you a boost in other areas too.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the answers.

This week has been awful as a whole. I did manage to get those two assignments done, probably wouldn't have got them down without the help of my housemates though as I left them so late. My sleep cycle has been all over the place this week, some nights 7 hours sleep, some nights 0 hours (staying up to finish assignments), and other days about 12 hours! Last night I went to bed at 1am, woke up at 8am intending to go to library but stayed in bed until 2pm just as I couldn't think of a good reason to get out of bed. Stupid really.

According to the college website, the counselling service is in very high demand at the moment so there's quite a waiting list. And sorry if I seem a bit dense, but I'm not sure how going to a GP can help? Chances are it's not depression, so there's nothing he can do. Even if it is depression, the doorstep of exams is not a time to be starting medication, as I know antidepressants can have a range of side effects.

In short: I think my 'down' feeling is not caused solely by college stress, but I think it would be infinitely more manageable if I didn't have these exams looming. In previous years, I have always been in the top of the class in terms of results, but I am going to stumble horribly through these ones. I don't think I'll fail, but by not doing as well as I know I could have, it'll feel like failing! Talking to friends isn't that helpful, as everybody is stressed, so telling people how stressed just results in them saying "me too, everybody's the same, " etc. but I'm not sure everybody is the same!

Sorry for the essay!

LegacyUser

Sorry to bump this, still feeling quite bad these days. I was texting a friend, and felt his responses were a bit short and then he didn't reply to one text. It's the friend that I'd probably trust most if I had to tell him any real issues (although my texts were just general banter as such). It is the smallest issue in the world but it upset me a lot, it got me thinking about how he doesn't like me, how he'll text other people during the day etc. The whole thing is entirely irrrational but it's surprising how much it set me off - I find it very hard to study these days with all these distracting thoughts.

And meanwhile, as I'm finding it difficult to study (for a multitude of reasons it seems), I'm falling further and further behind. I used to be the A student, and now I can't think of one person who's further behind than I am. I still don't have the motivation I need.

I haven't tried booking counselling as the college counselling is apparently in high demand and there is a waiting list, but what does counselling consist of exactly? Is it just somebody asking me "How does that make you feel?" etc for an hour, or do they give you advice, possible explanations to why I feel like I do?

skyfall2012

There are a few threads on here were student's are feeling stressed, the exams are looming. So you are not alone, college is hard, there is a lot of stress getting projects done and exams on the horizon, you are having to live on a shoe string. On this shoe string you have to pay rent, eat, heat, dress yourself and try socialize and have fun. There is a lot of balls in the air for such young people to have to cope with. But, you have managed this far, so give yourself a pat on the back. Look at what you have achieved, so far. You are probably a little burnt out, but you are more than half way there.

Because of the way you are feeling, other things are becoming exaggerated in your mind. You are focusing on the one text your friend didn't reply to instead of all the other texts which he did. When he received your last text he may have had to go somewhere all of a sudden, and thought that your friendship with him is secure enough not to have to reply to everything, without you thinking anything bad about him.

Try and make the voice in your head think more positive thoughts, this is a very helpful exercise and you would be surprised at the results.

Taltos

OP - we really can't give you medical advice here - so please do as above and go back to your college GP and get to the counseling if that is what they suggest.

In terms of your friend - it is great to have someone you can share your fears with but sometimes they might need a break. They too could be under pressure. Maybe call them to see how they are or treat them to a coffee. Spend some time together talking rubbish and don't let yourself get caught in the trap of always unloading on them even if they ask. I am not saying don't share but maybe consider that they are under some pressure right now and need a friend also.

This is why counselors are so excellent - you get to offload all your worries and stray thoughts to someone else.