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Confused

  • 14-11-2012 4:20pm
    #1
    ThurlesLad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭


    hi everyone

    there is someone i know that i really really like. But I am really unsure about them. We talk a lot and get on well and have a lot in common. They said they like me and i have hinted it a lot. But, they are a really confusing and complicated person, one day they are really happy and the next day they would give 1 word answers. Its hard to work with. I have asked them on a date and they said theyd like to go and we organised it and everything was great but the day before they said they couldnt go anymore. I wonder if I am doing something wrong but I know I havent. Are they unsure or nervous or something? We dont talk as much anymore for some reason and when we do they barely say anything, should i just leave them alone? I would find that hard to do because we get on really well but they are just not very clear on what they want and i dont want to ask and seem pushy. i really want to tell them how i feel but dont want to be rejected and make it awkward. Thanks everyone I would love advice on this


Comments

  • #2
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    If you asked this person on a date and they said no after thinking about it then that is your cue to leave them alone. If they change their mind they will let you know. You don't have to do anything else.


  • #3
    ThurlesLad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭ThurlesLad


    Lorna123 wrote: »
    If you asked this person on a date and they said no after thinking about it then that is your cue to leave them alone. If they change their mind they will let you know. You don't have to do anything else.

    Yes I understand what you mean, but they originally said yes and everything was good but then something had come up the day before that they had to be at which is why they cancelled. If they didn't want to go surely they wouldn't of said yes at first and organize everything? Why would they of said yes If they had no intention of going


  • #4
    kat20
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 49 ✭kat20


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    Yes I understand what you mean, but they originally said yes and everything was good but then something had come up the day before that they had to be at which is why they cancelled. If they didn't want to go surely they wouldn't of said yes at first and organize everything? Why would they of said yes If they had no intention of going

    I've been through that before where I've organised a date with a guy and he's cancelled at the last minute.
    There could be a number of reasons why this person couldn't go on the date.
    It sounds like if this person is changing moods every day there is definitely something going on.
    I think I would give this person a bit of space for a little bit, so they can sort themselves out. Then I would try to approach them again.


  • #5
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    I would think OP that if you were getting on really well before and now she is only speaking in one words then something is definitely wrong and it would appear that this person is having second thoughts about wanting to get into a relationship with you. All the signs are there. If she cancelled and didn't apologize and try to arrange something else instead then that is a sure sign tha she is not interested and now she is avoiding you.

    What you could do is ask her how she feels about going on a date with you. She should be able to give you a straight answer to this. If she makes any excuses at all then that means she is not interested. You should be able to tell from someone's reactions whether they fancy you or not. If you can't tell then that usually means they don't fancy you.


  • #6
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    As Lorna says she didn't try to organize or suggest an alternative date - that's the "killer fact " . As you get more experience you'll realise that if a girl is interested they'll let you know especially if you are brave enough to ask them out.
    Don't worry ******** fish *********sea.


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  • #7
    ThurlesLad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭ThurlesLad


    Hi everyone thanks very much for all the advice , even though I might not want to accept everything but i see truth in some comments, i understand everything about canceling and it might be true but to be honest i really really like this person i really want to tell them how i feel and maybe they will then come out of their shell like before because i can tell they are a nervous type, but at the same time i don't want to be made a fool of or totally snubbed just in case, what will i do?


  • #8
    Lorna123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,116 ✭✭✭Lorna123


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    Hi everyone thanks very much for all the advice , even though I might not want to accept everything but i see truth in some comments, i understand everything about canceling and it might be true but to be honest i really really like this person i really want to tell them how i feel and maybe they will then come out of their shell like before because i can tell they are a nervous type, but at the same time i don't want to be made a fool of or totally snubbed just in case, what will i do?

    Just trying to clarify this for you OP, but the way I see it is if this person was well able to be friendly with you at one stage, then you asked them out and they changed then it really looks like they didn't like the way things were heading and they backed off. To me that is very clear.

    I can fully understand how you would like to see things differently to suit how you feel, but the writing is on the wall that this person has backed off because you have shown a deeper interest. So if I were you I would forget about thinking that they are acting like this because they are a nervous type, they weren't nervous before so why do you think they are nervous now? I think it is because they don't want you to get hurt by reading more into the friendship than exists.

    You could satisfy your curiousity by asking them straight out how they feel about going on a date with you, but you will have to be brave enough to take what they say back to you as the truth. Personally I would not ask them though because I think you have your answer without risking anything.

    If this person was interested in you they would have gone out with you when you asked them and if it was not possible at the time they would have suggested another day. The fact that they didn't do this speaks volumes. Also, this person knows how you feel, you don't have to tell them. I am sorry Op but I would move on if I were you.


  • #9
    ThurlesLad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 16 ✭ThurlesLad


    I know the chips are down but I want to give it one last chance , I like them too much to just walk away now and plus it would be hard too . At least if I tell them everything I will have closure one way or another . Perhaps if they have changed their mind like you mentioned , I can reverse it by telling everything and maybe they will realize


  • #10
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    I know the chips are down but I want to give it one last chance , I like them too much to just walk away now and plus it would be hard too . At least if I tell them everything I will have closure one way or another . Perhaps if they have changed their mind like you mentioned , I can reverse it by telling everything and maybe they will realize
    Fair enough - you haven't a faint heart, I'll give you that. Hope you win the fair lady :) . Please let us know how you got on !


  • #11
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    I know the chips are down but I want to give it one last chance , I like them too much to just walk away now and plus it would be hard too . At least if I tell them everything I will have closure one way or another . Perhaps if they have changed their mind like you mentioned , I can reverse it by telling everything and maybe they will realize
    Fair enough - you haven't a faint heart, I'll give you that. Hope you win the fair lady :) . Please let us know how you got on !


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  • #12
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    I know the chips are down but I want to give it one last chance , I like them too much to just walk away now and plus it would be hard too . At least if I tell them everything I will have closure one way or another . Perhaps if they have changed their mind like you mentioned , I can reverse it by telling everything and maybe they will realize
    Fair enough - you haven't a faint heart, I'll give you that. Hope you win the fair lady :) . Please let us know how you got on !


  • #13
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    ThurlesLad wrote: »
    I know the chips are down but I want to give it one last chance , I like them too much to just walk away now and plus it would be hard too . At least if I tell them everything I will have closure one way or another . Perhaps if they have changed their mind like you mentioned , I can reverse it by telling everything and maybe they will realize
    Fair enough - you haven't a faint heart, I'll give you that. Hope you win the fair lady :) . Please let us know how you got on !


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