Where to get privacy?

LegacyUser

This is probably a stupid thing to ask, but its a bit of a problem I've been having. I've been seeing this guy for a while, and from time to time we would like to get some "alone time" if you know what I mean.

The problem is that we both live in houses with a number of housemates. None of these housemates know either of us are gay. So if they were to see a guy calling over, then some noises coming from the bedroom, some serious questions would be asked!

It's just really difficult to find somewhere where you can even have a kiss without having to look over you shoulder wondering who might see you. I have tried just driving in my car to a secluded area, but it's just ridiculous having to do that, even just for a snog!

I'm not even sure if this is a gay isolated thing - I mean even if I was straight I wouldn't want my housemates hearing me getting up to stuff in my bedroom!

What are my options beyond living on my own, and has anyone else encountered similar problems? Thanks

Rick_

Keep quiet when in your bedroom then! How loud are the two of you when you're snogging?

Do these housemates have partners over, and do you ever hear them when they are up to sexy times?

What makes you so sure they'll hear you anyway?

If you have a lock on your bedroom door and can orgasm without sounding like a porn star / female tennis player then just do it in each others bedrooms!

floggg

Have you ever considered just coming out to your housemates?

I know it's easier said than done, but honestly, unless one if you has a place by themselves, it's going to be very tricky to carry on a relationship, romantically and sexually, if your both hiding it.

Abd you don't need to scream the walls down during sex.

Of course if you have the privacy to do so, by all means let yourself go!

azezil

Cheap hotel / B&B / Camping.

1ZRed

sillyproblems wrote: »

This is probably a stupid thing to ask, but its a bit of a problem I've been having. I've been seeing this guy for a while, and from time to time we would like to get some "alone time" if you know what I mean.

The problem is that we both live in houses with a number of housemates. None of these housemates know either of us are gay. So if they were to see a guy calling over, then some noises coming from the bedroom, some serious questions would be asked!

It's just really difficult to find somewhere where you can even have a kiss without having to look over you shoulder wondering who might see you. I have tried just driving in my car to a secluded area, but it's just ridiculous having to do that, even just for a snog!

I'm not even sure if this is a gay isolated thing - I mean even if I was straight I wouldn't want my housemates hearing me getting up to stuff in my bedroom!

What are my options beyond living on my own, and has anyone else encountered similar problems? Thanks

That's what happens in a house full of young housemates. I'd hardly think any housemate would be that hard up that they'd be pissed off over some sex noises. Yeah there's a limit to grunting/moaning the doors down when it's always going on, but the odd time they should let it go or tell them to put the earphones in.

If it's this much bother just to get some time to shift then I'd consider coming out to your housemates. It'll be much easier and enjoyable. Easier said then done, but it would be.

bodice ripper

travelodge.

LegacyUser

floggg wrote: »

Have you ever considered just coming out to your housemates?

I know it's easier said than done, but honestly, unless one if you has a place by themselves, it's going to be very tricky to carry on a relationship, romantically and sexually, if your both hiding it.

I wish it was that easy. One of my housemates is very homophobic, so I think he'd want to kick me out if I told him that.

And to be honest, I never hear anything go on in my housemates rooms. I'm not sure if thats because they just do it in their girlfriends/one night stands houses or they're really really quiet. I dont think I'd risk it seeing as the guy in the room next to me is the homophobe

The guy I'm seeing is completely in the closet so I think thats a non runner for him as well.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

floggg

sillyproblems wrote: »

I wish it was that easy. One of my housemates is very homophobic, so I think he'd want to kick me out if I told him that.

And to be honest, I never hear anything go on in my housemates rooms. I'm not sure if thats because they just do it in their girlfriends/one night stands houses or they're really really quiet. I dont think I'd risk it seeing as the guy in the room next to me is the homophobe

The guy I'm seeing is completely in the closet so I think thats a non runner for him as well.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

Are you sure he's actually homophobic? There can be big difference between a guy who calls you a queer for wearing a pink shirt and says he hates graham norton and guys who were actually homophobic.

A lot of my friends would have been casually homophobic, but it disappeared once I came out. A lot of it is just herd mentality with guys - they think it's expected of them.

It can be hard to see the difference from inside the closer though - especially if you don't give them a chance to be understanding of your situation.

Of course if you fear he is actually homophobic, coming out while living with him wouldnt be a good idea. but if thats the case, woukd you not consider moving out?

I can't see much point in living with somebody who hates you, even if he doesn't know yet that he hates you.

And I've house shared for 10 years now, I've heard plenty of my house mates "at it". Not that they be roaring and screaming (except my brothers girlfriend a few times) but beds do move. Never bothered me, I just turned the music up.

Most people are the same. Heck, if your friends with your housemates you'll be happy that they are getting some.

Just don't do anything in a shared bathroom - people don't like that.

bikeman1

When I lived with my parents, I would book a cheap hotel room for the night and we would share the cost. My mother would never allow either me or my straight brother have anyone in our bedrooms!

Now when I moved out at 21, I wasn't out to one of my housemates, also for the fear about his homophobia, but I decided that I wasn't paying money for my room and the whole idea for moving out to have some space in my own place, and have to keep quiet.

So, one day, the lad I was scoring stayed over and left the room the next morning to meet my friend and that was that. He put two and two together. He said fair play to me and never once heard him say anything against gays again!!

Any of people I've shared a house with, when having sex tend to be quiet, but you can only be so quiet! One night there was this girl in my mate's room and she nearly screamed the house down!!

So op I'm not sure what you're going to do, but I would tell your housemates if you're planning to stay there long term.

Rick_

Surely if you are house sharing then you have rights, and you can't be kicked out by them as your name is on the lease?

Also, are these actual friends of yours or are they random people you met and decided to live with? Surely if they are in any way real friends, they wouldn't care about your sexuality. I've had some of the most homophobic people I know / know of find out about me and have said nothing but "really? wow, fair play to you" and never mention it again or be homophobic around me. You just don't know what peoples reactions will be, and if their are negative, then perhaps living with such narrow minded people isn't the best arrangement anyway.

Davyhal

I remember those days, and I feel your pain. I used always end up booking hotels cos there was something about having to drive off some back road just for a kiss that made me feel kind of dirty!!!

I still find it a little awkward in fact. My housemates all know I am gay, and have no problem with it, and even though I hear them with their girlfriends/boyfriends, I still only bring a guy back when they are away. I know they wouldn't have an issue with it, but I just feel conscious bringing a boy back with me when they are there

LegacyUser

The guys I live with are randomers. They are friendly and I get on well with them but I wouldn't be friends with them if you know what I mean.

The one guy I fear is homophobic was quite against David Norris when he was running for president because he was gay. Seemed serious about it too. Strange because otherwise the guy is the nicest person you could meet.

Also, I dont have a lease signed so I could get kicked out at a moments notice (and I wouldnt like that, it's a nice house!).

I guess I'm stuck in limbo then?

floggg

sillyproblems wrote: »

The guys I live with are randomers. They are friendly and I get on well with them but I wouldn't be friends with them if you know what I mean.

The one guy I fear is homophobic was quite against David Norris when he was running for president because he was gay. Seemed serious about it too. Strange because otherwise the guy is the nicest person you could meet.

Also, I dont have a lease signed so I could get kicked out at a moments notice (and I wouldnt like that, it's a nice house!).

I guess I'm stuck in limbo then?

Well for so long as your willing to place living in that house above your love life, yes you are unfortunately.

Depending on how long you've been there the absence of a lease is not necessarily a problem (security of tenure after a year I think).

And anyway, unless the homophobe owns the house what's to say he can kick you out?

Obviously, you should only come out in your own time and when you are ready. There will always be reasons why you shouldn't, like the (potentially) homophobic randomer you live with, but ultimately you gotta ask are these reasons worth all the sacrifices you make to stay in the closet.