Should I tell the teacher ???

greengirl31

Hi All,

Just looking for a bit of advice from parents or teachers.

My Little Girl’s first parent teacher meeting is on in a couple of weeks so I’m looking for a bit f guidance on one issue in particular. See I’m a single Mum and her dad isn’t involved in her life at all and I’m not sure if I should make the teacher aware of this.

She’s been in crèche since she was small and the staff have always been aware of our situation mainly because at father’s day I’d ask them to let her make a card for her granddad not her dad and there was never a big deal made out of it. And I still don’t want to draw attention to the fact that her dad isn’t around but should the teacher be made aware ???

Thanks in advance for any tips

A

edellc

I dont see what harm it would do to tell the teacher, in this day and age there are plenty of single mams and absent fathers so its not unusual. I'm sure she has dealt with it many times and probably not a big deal tbh.

biko

Is up to you imo, are you comfortable with letting the teacher know?
It shouldn't affect the way the teacher works so unless you can think of some reason it could be important I wouldn't say anything at the moment.

MarkR

I don't think teachers can make any assumptions about a child's home life now. It's no harm to mention anyway.

Ayla

I would absolutely tell the teacher, for a few reasons:

1) Although the family structure isn't as defined as it used to be, and single mothers/fathers are becoming more common, it can still become an issue for the child. It may be helpful that the teacher can be looking out for any emotional/developmental signs that the child could use some extra support.

2) Sometimes kids are just cruel, and it may happen that some of the kids pick up on the fact that there's no father on the scene. They may use that fact as a way to pick on the child, so having the teacher aware of what's going on can help avoid any real bullying.

3) Although the father's nowhere near now, as a matter of safety I would ensure that the teacher knows that he is estranged. That way if he ever does show up at the school the teacher will know that he should not be allowed to collect the child.

OP, you absolutely do not have to go into the reasons why your child's father is not around - that is not the teacher's business in any way. However, for your child's sake I would strongly suggest that you tell the teacher that he's not part of your child's life.

SandyRamp

I was in the same situation as you last year OP. I initially decided not to mention it just because I assumed she would know, as when I registered her with the school I did not include her father's details on the form.

However the week before the parent teacher meeting my daughter was quizzed by another member of staff (who would kind of know my family and maybe wondered about my situation) about her father. My daughter didn't know what to say (she was only 4, it had never been an issue before this), she started talking about her grandad but the staff member kept insisting she tell her about her daddy, not her grandad.

I brought it up with her teacher, she was very nice about it. I am fortunate in that it is a big class with lots of children in various situations, so she doesn't feel so 'left out' for want of a better word! For father's day the teacher gave them 3 pieces to make/colour, and encouraged them to give them to 'whoever was at home'. My dad got something and so did my grandad, which they were both delighted with, and my little one was proud as punch!

Do mention it, the teacher will have seen it a hundred times before, it will just avoid any awkward situations for your child in the future like the one I described above.

Tasden

My situation was a little different to yours op in that myself and our daughter lived with her father before we split so I arranged a little meeting just to make the teacher aware of the change, just because it was a distressing time for my daughter so wanted her to keep an eye etc. But I found it also put me at ease that the teacher knows her family situation now and will keep it in mind when discussing families or whatever else may come up.

But, and I'm sure you're well aware already, the most important thing is to just make sure the child knows that all families are different etc. My daughters school always make a point of inviting a special person to things rather than mam or dad.

seavill

From a teachers point of view (secondary not primary but still applies) it is important that teachers are aware of the situation if nothing else purely to avoid any accidental upset caused as you said on fathers day or anything else.

Its not that the teacher is being nosey or cares in the slightest but we have to be very careful how things are said at times so its good to know. A simple thing of get your dad to sign that note in your diary, an off the cuff remark that would come out however if we know that the father is not present you are much more aware of what you are saying to avoid any upset caused to the child.

Like others mentioned if other things are going on in school like maybe one of her friends family split up and they are upset about it, some of that upset may go over onto your child and again if the teacher is aware they can obviously handle the situation well.

From being a teacher schools need to know as much about the kids as possible. It helps us get to know the kids, be able to talk to them about various things etc. Knowing your class is vital to a teacher.

greengirl31

Thank you all for your replies .... I've found them all very helpful.
I suppose the reason i wasn't going to mention it is because i find some people can be very patronising when they discover you're a single parent but that's my issue and not my little girls so we'll put that aside.
I suppose most teachers have seen all sorts of different family situations so she probably won't bat an eyelid - and as you said, it's important for the teacher to know her class.
Thanks again

Merak

I'd be very surprised if the teacher doesn't already know. You'd be surprised how much information children give each day during classroom discussions. Teachers are very discreet and I have often had to feign surprise when a parent told me something that their child had told me days or weeks previously. As many of the other posters have said there is no such thing as a typical family and teachers are careful not to make children from single parent or foster families feel as if there is anything unusual or untypical in their situation.

xtinataguba

for me, it is ok to tell the teacher. there's nothing wrong with it. now a days there's a lot of single mom out there, even my mom is a single mom and it doesnt affect any aspect of our life. its not a big deal actually.

E.T.

No harm at all telling the teacher. I usually pick up on family situations from things that children tell me, but it is helpful when parents tell me of any issues to be aware of, or to be especially sensitive about. You never know what children will bring up, and it does help to know the facts in any family situation. There's no judgement involved here, it's just the need to know how to respond to the child. There are lots of different family situations in all schools at this stage, so teachers are well used to dealing with sensitive issues of all kinds.

greengirl31

Hi All,

The Parent teacher meeting was yesterday so just as it was drawing to a close I mentioned the fact that her dad wasn't around but of she knew already!! My little girl had told her in the first week that she had no daddy !!! God Love her !! I've explained to her that she does have a daddy but he just didn't live with us like some other daddies do.
The teacher said she doesn't seem upset by it all though so that's something.

Anyway, thanks again for your replies

A