Don't want my suddenly low libido to effect my new marriage.

LegacyUser

I'm soon to be married to my wonderful OH and I'm so excited. But for some reason my libido for the last 6 months has dropped off and I really don't know what to do.

I've always been fairly sexual/sensual masterbating up to three or more times a day since I was around 12 and consider myself fairly open minded. I unfortunately became diagnosed with a medical condition which for a time meant that orgasming or sexual penetration would result in agony (and I mean me screaming into a pillow while my OH held me and tried to comfort the pain away). Even during this time although not much could be do e sexually for me (I eventually became a little afraid of orgasming due to the pain) I would perform oral/manual sexual acts on my OH. I also actively enjoyed this even though at times it was mildly frustrating.

I recieved a surgical fix for my condition last year and our sex life did pick up although not to it's earlier heights. We had to do a lot of communicating and working to get me back to being my relaxed self.

That said I don't think I've ever felt sexually wanted by my OH in the same primal aggressive way that we had from a couple of years ago. I'm afraid he still thinks I'm too delicate to push hard (which at times can be true but I still want to feel wanted).

As its gotten closer to our wedding (last 6 months or so) I've begun to lose libido mid foreplay or become agressive for no reason that even I can decern and shut down sexual initiation. I've even stopped masterbating. It's like the sexual me has disappeared. Now I am having other problems in my life, no job, wanting to bear more of the financial burden, feeling as though I bring nothing to the relationship, possible infertility, other ppl stressing both of us out about wedding things etc. and have been feeling a little depressed.

All of the above standing I don't want to start off my marriage/honeymoon/life with the person I love only having sex at max once a month when we used to have such a diverse and fun sex life. I've tried asking him to try not playing the same sexual buttons everytime we initiate sex. And he's suggested going back to watching/reading porn once a day to try relight my libido.

I want to know does anyone else here think I could be doing more. I understand sex is an extremely important part of a relationship and I really wish I wanted it more. But I just don't understand why I can't let go, relax and try to let my libido come back out.

Calling off the wedding etc. is simply not an option. I love this man and want to grow old with him. I just really need guidance in how to push past this momentary blip in our love life.

desbrook

Sounds like despite the setbacks you have a great partner / relationship. Tell him everything before the wedding, don't hold back. It's your future and his - no-one else's , do what's right for you both. Best of luck.

Merkin

Your first port of call should be your GP. Loss of libido can be linked to depression, hormonal issues and any other number of underlying conditions. Why don't you seek medical help first so certain issues can then be ruled out and work on that basis rather than grappling in the dark for a solution when you may in fact need therapeutic or professional intervention?

Ickle Magoo

I'd agree with Merkin, there's little point hypothesising over what the issue may be and how theoretically it could be dealt with until you've been to the docs and ruled out any treatable medical condition.

I'd also second that communication is key - keep your other half in the loop. I can't imagine how traumatising watching someone you love suffer that much pain thanks to your own actions, it's little wonder he's reticent, hesitant and stressed about doing something to hurt you. Keep the communication lines open - outside the bedroom - so you both know where you are/what's going on and there's no room for misunderstandings/frustration/resentments.

All the very best.

curlzy

Hey OP,

Sounds like you've already gone down the route of doctors etc and had that problem fixed (the physical part).

I think you should get in contact with a sex therapist. I just googled it there and loads come up if you google "sex therapist Dublin". As always make sure you ask for credentials. I know a couple that were going through something similar to you and going to a sex therapist fixed them.

Try not to stress too much, these things are usually fixable.
Very best of luck.

shalalala

Go to the doctor and look at going to couples counselling. You can get ones that specialise in the sexual element of a relationship.

I understand that this is frustrating but I feel like it is probably a passing thing. Everyones libidos go up and down depending on their mental happiness. Just make sure you communicate and look after your mind and you should get back to normal.

Also a suggestion to maybe organise a dirty weekend away? Bottle of champers, be as loud as you want. All the stress of life just ignore it for a night or two and be just the two of you.