Unsure if I'm bi.

Bobby42

Hi,

sorry if these types of threads have been done to death.

I'm a 27 year old guy and for the past ten years or so I've been going around in circles trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not.

I know I'm physically and emotionally attracted to women, always have, always will, so that's not an issue for me

I am unsure about men though. I feel physically attracted to men but not emotionally. Its like I just couldn't imagine myself in a deep emotional relationship with a man.

I think about kissing and being intimate with men and its definitely appealing to me. Everything except the emotional aspect and this what has me so confused and distraught.

Feels like I'm the only guy to have felt like or is this normal?

floggg

Pretty normal.

We're kinda conditioned by society to feel like we should only want relationships with the opposite sex, so all to often you block out the possibility of it ever occurring and tell yourself it's not something you want.

Lots of gay/bi people start out that way but as they get more comfortable with the idea if being gay/bi they begin to see the emotional aspect as desirable to.

I wouldn't rush it or try and feel any particular way. If your comfortable with the idea that you have a physical attraction to men, just leave it at that for now.

You don't have to act on it unless you want to, but just get used to the idea and know there is nothing wrong with it.

After that you can take things at your own pace and figure it out from there

jayjay1

Bobby42 wrote: »

Hi,

sorry if these types of threads have been done to death.

I'm a 27 year old guy and for the past ten years or so I've been going around in circles trying to figure out if I'm bisexual or not.

I know I'm physically and emotionally attracted to women, always have, always will, so that's not an issue for me

I am unsure about men though. I feel physically attracted to men but not emotionally. Its like I just couldn't imagine myself in a deep emotional relationship with a man.

I think about kissing and being intimate with men and its definitely appealing to me. Everything except the emotional aspect and this what has me so confused and distraught.

Feels like I'm the only guy to have felt like or is this normal?

I'm in exactly the same place. I'm 24. I am very much in love and sexually attracted to my gf, but I have other feelings too. I feel a bit guilty tbh. She deserves better

floggg

jayjay1 wrote: »

I'm in exactly the same place. I'm 24. I am very much in love and sexually attracted to my gf, but I have other feelings too. I feel a bit guilty tbh. She deserves better

Don't feel guilty. There's nothing wrong with having these feelings at all, and your not letting her down or betraying her by having them (assuming you haven't acted on them behind her back).

The fact that you are attracted to both sexes doesn't really change how you feel about her or your commitment to her.

It's only if you start to act on your attractions that you let her down, but the same would apply if you were straight.

For your own sake you should try and figure out in your own head what these feelings mean for you. But you can do that in your own time and without feeling any guilt or shame in it.

And if you are committed to the relationship, know that plenty of bisexuals are in long term committed opposite sex relationships with no issues.

stephen_n

jayjay1 wrote: »

I'm in exactly the same place. I'm 24. I am very much in love and sexually attracted to my gf, but I have other feelings too. I feel a bit guilty tbh. She deserves better

If you apply that logic to it's natural conclusion, most straight men should feel guilty for watching porn etc. Dont beat yourself up, feelings aren't facts and can't be controlled its your actions in this case that matter.


OP I would have to say your not abnormal or if you are then so am I. I would have massive trust issues with guys so the thoughts of romantic involvement have always caused me to turn away from that choice. I thought at first it was something wrong with me or weird but just came to terms with the fact, I have not met a guy yet that I would consider a relationship with but can't say it would never happen!

Bobby42

Its just such a confusing place to be in.

On one hand I feel that I'm attracted to guys but on the other hand I can't for the life of me imagine being in a romantic relationship with a guy.

I'm very emotionally intelligent and very much in touch with my feelings. But I do find it very difficult to be emotional with other men.

Think I'll just have to get used to going through periods of varying degrees of being attracted to men. Maybe its just something I'm curious about.

I know with women its different though. Daily I'll notice women I find attractive. Even a womans eyes or smile I can definitely find attractive. I don't notice men though.

I think I have a really romantic notion of what a relationship with a guy would be like, I seem to think it would be plain sailing all the way, not emotionally involved so I cant get hurt.

But if a girl I like doesn't text me back I'm a mess. Cant really imagine being upset or heartbroken over a guy. Just can't possibly see myself being that emotionally involved.

Thanks for the replies, I guess I needed to talk this out.

jayjay1

Bobby, exactly where in coming from! Feel better knowing I'm not alone!

unusuality

Uh.

The fact that you posted this is your answer. If there was no social stigma about being gay, this post would never have been made.

More specifically, yes, unless you've been in a relationship with a guy, it might seem hard to 'imagine' the emotional attachment that comes with relationships as you're only used to platonic male relationships. So logically you won't know till you try. (And I can bet that you will feel an emotional connection from what you've said).

There are various degrees of sexual 'preference' - scientifically proven so it's not accurate to ask 'am I bi' because this doesn't seem to be set in stone.

PS, I speak from experience and I'm 23. Sorry to be blunt, but it frustrates me when people (especially older than me) are still wasting time being confused. Try it out and figure it out and you'll have your answer! "Life's too short..."

boxercreations

unusuality wrote: »

Uh.

The fact that you posted this is your answer. If there was no social stigma about being gay, this post would never have been made.

More specifically, yes, unless you've been in a relationship with a guy, it might seem hard to 'imagine' the emotional attachment that comes with relationships as you're only used to platonic male relationships. So logically you won't know till you try. (And I can bet that you will feel an emotional connection from what you've said).

There are various degrees of sexual 'preference' - scientifically proven so it's not accurate to ask 'am I bi' because this doesn't seem to be set in stone.

PS, I speak from experience and I'm 23. Sorry to be blunt, but it frustrates me when people (especially older than me) are still wasting time being confused. Try it out and figure it out and you'll have your answer! "Life's too short..."

Experience and 23 - there stands the oxymoron. At nearly 40 I am more experienced but have far less clear cut answers than I did at 23.

boxercreations

Bobby42 wrote: »

Its just such a confusing place to be in.

On one hand I feel that I'm attracted to guys but on the other hand I can't for the life of me imagine being in a romantic relationship with a guy.

I'm very emotionally intelligent and very much in touch with my feelings. But I do find it very difficult to be emotional with other men.

Think I'll just have to get used to going through periods of varying degrees of being attracted to men. Maybe its just something I'm curious about.

I know with women its different though. Daily I'll notice women I find attractive. Even a womans eyes or smile I can definitely find attractive. I don't notice men though.

I think I have a really romantic notion of what a relationship with a guy would be like, I seem to think it would be plain sailing all the way, not emotionally involved so I cant get hurt.

But if a girl I like doesn't text me back I'm a mess. Cant really imagine being upset or heartbroken over a guy. Just can't possibly see myself being that emotionally involved.

Thanks for the replies, I guess I needed to talk this out.

It looks like a relationship with a guy for you would mean being in control - he'd be the one in pain if you had a fight, split up - whereas with a girl you feel like she has all the power over you.
It's not about being bi at this point - but about being vulnerable or emotionally available & you need to work on that first. Maybe look for a lifecoach that can help you talk it through - identify what makes you tick then the rest will fall into place.

floggg

boxercreations wrote: »

It looks like a relationship with a guy for you would mean being in control - he'd be the one in pain if you had a fight, split up - whereas with a girl you feel like she has all the power over you.
It's not about being bi at this point - but about being vulnerable or emotionally available & you need to work on that first. Maybe look for a lifecoach that can help you talk it through - identify what makes you tick then the rest will fall into place.

Lifecoach?

Wouldn't it be far easier and cheaper to actually start exploring your feelings for guys and seeing where it takes him?

Anyway, just because he's bi doesn't mean he needs to marry a dude. If he feels that'd he'd prefer something physical only (or no relationship at all ) with men, that's his call.

deuve82

Man... life is too short and you don't know if this is the only one, so enjoy. Don't worry about if you like guys only for sex and not for a couple. Look for fun/love and don't care if they come inside one kind of recipient or another. Just live your life and try to find your own happiness