Girlfriend broke up with me

BrokenGuy

My girlfriend of 5+ years broke up with me last week. She said shes been half seeing (kissing) a guy from work who she'd been out with a couple of times. We've had issues in the past, I've been lazy in doing things with her. Taking the relationship for granted.

At first i was really upset, i pushed her away thinking she might realise shes making a mistake but she hasn't.

We've lived together for the past 4 years, we still rent an apartment. My friends and parents are all saying the usual thing "give it time, you'll feel better", but it doesn't feel like that. I'm so unbelievably upset and broken. I don't want to keep burdening people with it, because everyone's seen me upset and they've all kind of just said "keep the head up".

Truth be told I'm dying inside. I'd have said before this I was completely against self harm and stuff, but feeling the way I feel has made me think horrible things.

I didn't pay enough attention to her when she wanted it, its all my fault. I've thrown away a huge part of my life and now I feel so empty. I've begged and said I'd fix this, change things, do anything or go anywhere she wanted but she says she doesn't know if its fixable.

I know she really loves me, we've always had an amazing connection, we fit together like a jig-saw, just certain things in our lives have put stress on our relationship, ie her working hours and the fact that I have spent too much time with the lads and not enough with her. I'd give anything to spend time with her now.

I'm not eating, I'm having weird dreams when I sleep and my eyes hurt because I've spent so much time crying.

There's nothing anyone can do or say to make me feel better, the only person who can is her and she's not all that interested right now. The thought of her with another guy, or the thought of never doing things I want to do with her is killing me. I literally can't stop crying. Nothing makes me feel better.

Last week I did so little in work. Just stared at my phone hoping she would send the odd text (she did, because she wants to make sure I'm ok and we still have all our stuff together in the apartment). I have to work again tomorrow and I don't know how I'll cope. I've been literally numb.

I've taken everything I had for granted, I didn't think this would be so hard. I didn't realise how much I need her in my life. Everything I see, every time someone talks to me.. it reminds me of something we did together.

If you have a girlfriend or wife, don't take her for granted. I hate myself for ****ing this up.

hulkeverton

Listen mate, if you want any chance of getting yer ex back and you really really believe shes the one. Do NOT contact her. Let her be, I know its hard but this is the only way you stand any chance of getting her back. Do not crawl and beg, TRUST ME, this never works, its pushing her further away. Give her time to miss you, so what if she gets with another guy, get over it. Every girl youll ever be with has been with other guys, that my friend is life! Seriously your only chance of getting her back is to not contact her at all, make her think you're getting on ith your life. If she contacts you act friendly but dont push it, keep it simple. Do not let her know how much yer hurting

If a month passes and she still doesnt contact you, write her a letter. Yes, a letter, a text or email wont do this time. Explain to her that youd like to meet up. If this doesnt work then Im afraid its over mate but just give it time, its not over till its over and if you think shes the one no matter how hard it is follow my advice.

And in the meantime do everything to occupy yr mind, spend time with friends, go out clubbing, possibly hook up with another girl or two. Go to the gym, take walks, treat yerslef to something, perhaps even book a lads weekedn away somewere cheap to a match or something. Realise there is life besides her.

I hope it works out for you..just relax...

Edit: Just seen shes still sending you texts, trust me on this lad, this means she is NOT completely over you.. get oout of that apartment and do what I said.. there is still hope

Virgil°

The fact that shes sending you texts absolutely does NOT mean she wants you back. More likely that shes just using you to assuage her guilty conscience over breaking your heart.

Yes you need no contact. And yes its also true that no contact is the best way to get back with someone. However I reckon the relationships that recover from stuff like this are only a tiny minority.

You should break off contact with a view to recovering. If you maintain hope that she will come back it will only prolong your recovery. You will sit on square one waiting.

I know it feels like the depths of hell. And it is really. I've been there and its the worst feeling imaginable, even worse than a death in the family, for me anyway.
But there is a light at the end of this tunnel!

Ickle Magoo

It's only been a week OP, of course you are all over the place.

I think you need to ask that she not contact you as that is only going to prolong the agony. Make sure you surround yourself with parents/friends/loved ones and lean on them for support. Of course you are feeling awful, four years is a long time - it will pass tho and you will feel better than ever.

IME time is the only remedy to a broken heart - so you have to give yourself some. There's no point beating yourself up with what-if's and maybe's - all we can do is learn to recognise unhealthy relationships and our parts in them, learn from our mistakes and move on a bigger and better person for it.

All the very best.

alant7

Me & my girlfriend broke up 4 weeks ago, & i have been feeling really bad too,, depressed cant eat plus weird dreams.. but slowly getting better,, i have cut off all contact,, have even come off FAcebook for a while.. photos up of her with another guy & on her bbm profile,, i feel sick too,, but realise im doing my head in thinking about it.. we really clicked too but there was other comliplication/issues in our relationship.. but if she is happy in the end i know i will be too another day,,but waiting for that day is tough but hang in there buddy.. get out & mingle but i wouldn drink heavy... you never know who you bump into

Chin up soon,, good times ahead

msg11

Lads, it's true the only thing we can do is give it time. Time for what exactly I hear you ask, but time for it to set in and we accept that it's over. I posted on this back in March and that was a 2 month thing, I'm only coming to terms that it's the end of it. We have parted.

5 Years 4 Years, I can imagine it's a lot worse, but don't go bring/doing any harm to yourself. Dress, Eat and Sleep well, channel all the energy into work be productive. You will find someone new, it will happen.

If your on Facebook , get away from it, you'll see things you won't like.

Don't go begging to her, you risk getting used. It's hard now but honestly time is the best healer. In fact, I have discovered a bit more about myself, more about relationships etc..

I second the last poster, chin up , head high and enjoy life.

ash23

OP, you're bound to be a mess for a while. But stop blaming yourself for starters. She cheated on you. Wrong. End of.

My ex of almost 6 years cheated on me and then blamed me for it. I blamed myself too because my confidence was shot to bits after it all. Him heaping blame on me was just himm trying to justify the crappy thing HE had done.
Yes, there were problems in the relationship. But nothing that couldn't have been worked out without him running into the arms of another woman.

Anyway, it ended, life as I knew it ended and I felt absolutely rubbish for a few weeks. Work was a disaster because I couldn't think straight. I couldn't eat nor could I sleep.

The best thing I ever did was take control, find a new place and move and then cut contact. It hurt like hell and it was hard but it was definitely the best thing to do. I simply couldn't listen to his shyte anymore.


As time passed the numbness went and I began eating and sleeping and laughing again. It took me a really long time to trust again but I did and am with someone wonderful now.

But for you, at this moment in time, that is a long way off. Unfortunately you just have to work through the pain and the hurt and process it. Lean on your friends and family. You'll need them. Just take each day as it comes. Find a purpose. I was lucky I suppose because I had a child. Which made it harder because I was dealing with her pain. But it gave me a reason to get up in the mornings.


I look back now and can't believe I was so broken up. It's like it was a lifetime ago. And I am now the person I want to be. I was a shadow of myself back then.
For now just concentrate on functioning. On getting up in the morning. Get a place to live and move your stuff. Or move her stuff if you are staying in the apartment. Take control and you won't feel so lost.
In time it will get easier. You'll build yourself up and use this as the opportunity to do positive things. But only you can do it. And honestly, you have to cut off contact to start that process.

Sephiroth_dude

Sorry your having a hard time lately buddy,cut contact and try your best to keep yourself busy.

BrokenGuy wrote: »

My girlfriend of 5+ years broke up with me last week. She said shes been half seeing (kissing) a guy from work who she'd been out with a couple of times.

^^^^Issues or not,thats not on at all,cheating on you?or were ye on a break?

Hoochiemama

Again, to reiterate what people say. Give yourself space from her and time.

Breaks ups are very hard and we live in a society where you are just expected to "keep the head up and get on with it" when in reality they are a form of grief and in some ways can be harder to deal with as the person is still around and the urge to contact them can be overpowering.....

Just take time for your heart to heal. If you need be, take a few days sick from work. You have been through a huge shock and you need to look after youself.

Best of luck x

Taltos

alant7 we have deleted your most recent post.
Can I remind all posters to please read and comply with our forum charter and the site FAQ. Thread hijacking is a big no-no and can result in a ban if a poster keeps repeating this.

Either post on topic to the OP or don't post. If you have an issue you want advice on yourself then please start your own thread - posting your own details due to similarity to the OP is not fair on the OP and may not result in the advice you need either.

Thanks
Taltos

Andy-Pandy

hulkeverton wrote: »

Do NOT contact her. Let her be, I know its hard but this is the only way you stand any chance of getting her back. Do not crawl and beg, TRUST ME, this never works, its pushing her further away. Give her time

This is the only advice to listen to op, and i wish I had listened to it when i got my heart broken. There is not a feeling in the world that is worse. As hard as it is to do, its the only thing you should do. Keeping in contact is only going to drive you insane.

BrokenGuy

I don't know what I've done to deserve this, I've always been a good boyfriend. Always did things for her, made sure she was ok, looked after her.

In the space of two weeks she's went from loving me to just nothing, after six years.. how is that even possible? I'm in such a bad way. I couldn't do that to her, even if I met someone else.

You hear stories of over jealous boyfriends, boyfriends who beat their girlfriends, or do nothing but think of themselves. Boyfriends who gamble all their money, or have no ambition with their lives. I did none of these things, I only ever wanted her to be happy, I only ever tried my best to look after her.

I was funny, we always laughed or was I able to make her friends laugh. I was always popular with people she introduced me to, or family. I always did my best to assist her with things, or her family. Never said no to helping.

Everything I think about, every time I do something, it links to something we did together. So even when I don't see her she's always on my mind.

Why is this so easy for her and so very very hard for me?

We have holidays next week for a trip we had planned. She's going to see her family instead. I'm going to just be wandering around in my head for a week.

I just don't understand how everything has happened, how I could mean so little to her so quickly, after everything we've done for each other and everything we've been through.

I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is long, cold and lonely.

BrokenGuy

And thanks for everyone's advice so far. I'm taking it all on board. It's comforting to know that others have been in a similar position and made it through ok.

In relation to the no contact thing. We don't speak much but we must sometimes because of our position. I'm staying on my parents couch because she doesn't want to see me, but I've too much stuff to move out of our apartment straight away and I need to arrange other accommodation. She can't afford to live her alone and right now she hasn't organised anything else.

Even during this I'm doing what I can to make sure she's comfortable. She hasn't got all the friends I have. She doesn't have the options I do. I know I shouldn't, but I have to make sure she's ok, even after all of this. That's the person I am. It's not a lame effort to try and resolve things.

Friends are all great. Even people from work who have obviously noticed I'm not ok are being great. Offering to help in anyway possible (I only moved jobs a few months ago, I don't even know these people that well!)

Like I said. Thanks for the advice. It's nice to have somewhere to speak about everything.

tbh

BrokenGuy wrote: »

I don't know what I've done to deserve this, I've always been a good boyfriend. Always did things for her, made sure she was ok, looked after her.

Unfortunately, that doesn't really matter. You could be the perfect boyfriend, but if she's not feeling it, she's not feeling it. It's not your fault, and it's not her fault. It just happens.

In the space of two weeks she's went from loving me to just nothing, after six years.. how is that even possible? I'm in such a bad way. I couldn't do that to her, even if I met someone else.

No, it's not in the space of two weeks - and you need to stop thinking that way, because that leads to you thinking "What did I do?", and that leads you to thinking "If I could just correct whatever it was I did, things will be fine again". It wasn't in the space of two weeks, it's probably been brewing for ages. It's just come to a head in the last two weeks.

You hear stories of over jealous boyfriends, boyfriends who beat their girlfriends, or do nothing but think of themselves. Boyfriends who gamble all their money, or have no ambition with their lives. I did none of these things, I only ever wanted her to be happy, I only ever tried my best to look after her.

I was funny, we always laughed or was I able to make her friends laugh. I was always popular with people she introduced me to, or family. I always did my best to assist her with things, or her family. Never said no to helping.

Again - this probably isn't about you, and what you did or didn't do, it's about her. She wanted something that you couldn't give her, and that's not your fault, or her fault. Now, i don't condone her cheating, but she didn't cheat because she didn't feel you were looking after her. Thinking like that is like thinking "Broccoli is good for me, it's cheap, it's easy to cook, therefore I should like it and not want to eat anything else". It doesn't work like that.

Everything I think about, every time I do something, it links to something we did together. So even when I don't see her she's always on my mind.

That will pass. Trust me.

Why is this so easy for her and so very very hard for me?

because you didn't know it was coming.

I know there's light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel is long, cold and lonely.

yeah, but it's not an everlasting tunnel. You'll get through it. It's hard, but take a tip - don't wallow. it just makes that tunnel longer, colder and lonelier.

ash23

BrokenGuy wrote: »

Why is this so easy for her and so very very hard for me?

I asked my ex something similar after we broke up. He explained he'd been feeling that way for months, possibly even years but never did anything and kept up the charade that he was still in love with me. So he was a number of months furthur down the path than I was in relation to the breakup because he had more time to come to terms with it and deal with it before he actually let me in on it.

I'm going to just be wandering around in my head for a week.

Don't do this. Don't wallow in a cesspit of misery. At least try to dop something nice for yourself. If everywhere reminds you of her then go somewhere you've never been with her. Start making new memories without her. You'll still be miserable but at least you'll be busy and have something to talk and think about that isn't your ex or your breakup.

djimi

BrokenGuy wrote: »

Even during this I'm doing what I can to make sure she's comfortable. She hasn't got all the friends I have. She doesn't have the options I do. I know I shouldn't, but I have to make sure she's ok, even after all of this. That's the person I am. It's not a lame effort to try and resolve things.

If I were you Id cut all contact, or at least keep it to a minumum, for a while. Youre not doing yourself any favours here; she broke up with you, its her problem how she deals with that for the time being. You do whats best for you, and right now that is giving yourself space away from her to sort your head out.

bobbaggio

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