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I need a bit of advice

  • 02-11-2012 11:47am
    #1
    peterot
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3 ✭


    I recently installed some software to keep an eye on my daughters web activity.there was no need to be concerned it turned out. the problem is that I discovered that my wife is having a fling. Her work requires her to stay away about 2 nights per month. This is when she meets this guy. I nevr suspected a thing. I havent confronted her. I know from hr e mails that she is not in love or anything. If I say anything she may accuse me of spying on her and it could make the situation worse. We have a young family and seperation would really effect them. Do not know how to handle situation. I still love her and she loves me she says. We had a good sex life until I found out about fling. what should I do?


Comments

  • #2
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    Ouch! I don't know what you should do, but I'll toss out a few thoughts in the hope that something might chime with you.

    The first thing is to be absolutely sure that you are interpreting things correctly - that you are not confusing a friendship with a sexual relationship.

    Is this guy a work colleague or do you know anything about him? Could you innocently mention his name and watch for her reaction, or would the mention of his name upset the applecart?

    Do you know what you want? Would you be happy if she quit this relationship and concentrated on your marriage? Would you be able to pick up the pieces as if this never happened?

    Could you bluff a little, and scare her out of her presumably-foolish behavior? For example could you say that an acquaintance saw her at a hotel in the company of a man, and that you were a bit thrown by it, because you were not aware that she had a work colleague with her?

    It might become necessary to confront her.


  • #3
    curlzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    Oh wow, that is awful OP, I'm sorry you're going through this. What a horrible thing to discover. Honestly, if I were you I wouldn't bother playing head games. I'd just tell her you put software in place to moniter your kids on the computer and that you know she's having an affair. Then I'd proceed to either a couples counsellor or a divorce.Before you do any of that though, I'd get screengrabs/backups of everything you saw so that if it comes to divorce you can prove it's her fault, things could go better for you in the court if you prove what a sc*mbag cheater she is.Very best of luck. Fingers crossed it's all a bit misunderstanding.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    peterot wrote: »
    We have a young family and seperation would really effect them. Do not know how to handle situation. I still love her and she loves me she says. We had a good sex life until I found out about fling. what should I do?

    OP only you know if you can forgive this woman and work through the cheating or not but either way:

    Never ever stay in an unhappy relationship out of fear of upsetting your kids. Believe me I've been that kid. 2 happy separated parents are so much better than having your life destroyed by 2 angry, unhappy, resentful, bitter parents.


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