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So frustrated

  • 01-11-2012 7:42pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I’m at the end of my tether, I have been married close to 3 years to my best friend – one of the kindest, funniest and loving people you will ever meet. She has always been there for me and loves me unconditionally. However for the past 6 months I feel I have been losing my physical attraction to her. It started off gradually but now is eating me up inside. I know this has been done over and over on this forum and other websites but I really need some advice. When we first met about 5 years ago she was between a size 10-12. On our wedding day she had put on a few pounds but nothing major and she looked stunning. However since then it has changed quite dramatically – at first it was a bit of yo yo weight addition/loss but after that the weight steadily increased. To be honest for a while I didn’t take any notice but for the last six months it has been all that I can see when I look at her – she is now a size 16 bordering on 18 and when she is naked all I can see is her big belly/ ass and thighs. She has tried to control it but as she admits herself her willpower is tiny or non existent and after a week or two of being good usually comes a week or two of being twice as bad. We have spoke about it numerous times and I try to be as supportive as I can. I really hate felling like this as I really do love her but I do feel that a physical attraction is really important in keeping a sexual spark in a relationship – I understand that people will change over time and that I am no oil painting but I am worried that if I keep felling like this that it will seriously damage our marriage. Is there anything I can do to stop felling like this – I know people are going to say love is unconditional and marriage is for better or worse but that is why I want to try and rectify this now before it comes too late.


Comments

  • #2
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    Romantic love is not unconditional any more than physical attraction is unconditional. OP you say ye have spoke about it numerous times? Have ye specifically discussed the affect it has on your attraction to her? Is it affecting your sex life? And does it bother her if it does?


  • #3
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - instead of tackling her on this - what are you doing to help?

    eg
    Exercise together - and I mean properly, don't just accept being weekend warriors, head out for a walk, wrap up and hit those roads.
    Plan proper meals, balanced, with flavour and without too much pre-prepared
    Plan reaonsable treats
    Shop together
    Support her in her efforts by joining in and gently encouraging her, reminding her that you love her etc.
    Don't be the garda stopping everything, either she chooses to stop and does but if you keep needling, well it is going to impact how she feels about you too.

    I have no idea to your ages but could that be a factor too?
    Also have you both been for a recent checkup - just to rule out any medical factors here... But also to get medical advice on starting/increasing exercise...


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