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advice needed

  • 31-10-2012 8:56pm
    #1
    loli1806
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10 ✭


    hi all,

    I am in need of advice. I am dealing with a lot right now and can't seem to function. I have had a very erractic childhood, an dysfunctional upbringing. Any kind of abuse I have seen/been through. At the moment I am trying to cope with legal proceedings toward a guy who took advantage of me when I was a kid. It has taken a lot out of me physically and mentally. I am seeing a terapist for awhile now. But I am the type that internalise everything. Can anyone help me with any tips to change that, someone once said to me that if I were going out with myself, I would kick my ass to the curb! I try to be positive towards myself but its a constant struggle. Like most ppl would think I am lovely but me, I see myself in a very negative way. Its taking its toll on me ( deferred my year in college) and my relationship. Tips/advice?


Comments

  • #2
    curlzy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,708 ✭✭✭curlzy


    What does your therapist say about things you can do to start feeling better about yourself? They would be in the best position to advise you.

    I think I have a good view of myself and am quite happy with who I am, however like everyone I've been very down at times and can start internalising things. When I get that way I imagine myself as a 3rd party, and I can critique them to get a balanced view, like I'll think what are the good things about Curlzy? I know that Curlzy is a very good friend and has gone out of her way to be there for friends and support them in times of need. I know she is kind to animals and has lots of animals from shelters. I know she is a good sister to her siblings and regularly brings them out and looks out for them. I know she is loyal and has never betrayed a partner. And so on, I feel like it's easier to say nice things about a 3rd party when you're feeling really down.

    So just make a list of all the things you like about loli1806, then remember that loli1806 is you and you're the nice person that has all those good qualities. I hope that makes sense? If you're feeling really really down and can't think of big things start small: you make a wicked ham sandwich etc and just build up.

    At the end of the day, going from what you're said you had a very bad start in life, start having some pity on yourself, enough people have abused you, you don't to abuse yourself too! If it helps imagine the child that went through all that, start remembering that you're that child and that you deserve to be happy, don't ever stop fighting towards that happiness. Whenever you feel bad about yourself, just remember, if nothing else at all, you're still here, you made it through, the only way from here is up. There'll be bumps and you may hit lows but ulimately you'll will be happier in time. Keep seeing your therapist too.

    The very best of luck with everything


  • #3
    P. Breathnach
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,089 ✭✭✭✭P. Breathnach


    you seem to have been through a lot of bad stuff. It's not surprising that you have negative feelings about yourself, so you should not feel bad about feeling bad. Of course you want to overcome it, but that can be difficult and might take some time. Whatever you do, don't give up on working on yourself. You can be your own best helper.
    curlzy wrote: »
    What does your therapist say ...
    That is exactly what I wondered. Your therapist should be helping you to deal with your negative feelings. Even with professional help, it can take a long time (many months) to work through and deal with years where your life was being messed up for you. So it might be a matter of hanging in there and keeping on working through things.

    It can happen that a particular therapist does not suit you. You say that you are the type to internalise everything. If you have been working with the same therapist for a while and you are still not able to discuss your issues with that therapist, perhaps you should consider seeking a different therapist.


  • #4
    isabelle1176
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12 ✭isabelle1176


    I am so sorry for what you have been through, but try and stay positive. What you need right now is a distraction, company, anything really that makes you take an interest in life. Maybe there is a club that you can join, pursue a hobby, there must be something you always wanted to do. The trick is not to be alone and to be so busy and tired, that you cannot take pity on yourself. Good luck ;)


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