why do I always end up hating guys i like

cozzie55

Hopefully this won't turn into an emotional blood bath but here goes

Basically i've a bit of an issue going on with a guy i like.

Right well i've been talking to this guy practically everyday for the last 4 months. I've had feelings for him since the start. And we've gone on 4/5 dates at this stage. So after date 3 we had a big discussion about a long distance relationship as i live in cork and he lives in dublin. Anyway he was the one who had issues with the whole long distance thing but i think we worked that out and decided that we should keep seeing each other and see how things go. Anyway in the last few weeks his lack of effort and wanting to meet up with me has been getting frustrating and i'm getting very pissed off with him. It is always me that asks him out on a date and never the other way round. Also he has blown me off on the last two dates saying that it "was too much effort for me to come to dublin as i had to stay in a hotel", granted he says its cause he doesn't want me going to all the expense. The last time this happened was last friday at 3.45 when i was leaving at 4 and cause i liked him i basically had a **** weekend wondering if its something i did or not. etc etc.

Anyway to make matters more complicated in a stupid horny moment last night i decided that i wanted to meet someone for some fun in cork cause i was pissed off and got grindr out. I got talking to this sound out guy who i'd actually been talking to before but decided against meeting him the first time cause he was a bit too full on, anyway i said i'd meet up with him for 5 min for a chat as he was heading out so thats all he had to spare. Afterwards I let the guy add me on facebook and guess who it turned out we know in common..... you guessed it.... the guy i have the hots for.

So the conversation moved on and we got talking about my guy and it turns out the grindr guy and guy i've the hots for have a best friend in common. and know each other fairly well. So i kind of poured my heart out to him about the whole suitation and it turns out grindr guy liked my guy aswell in the past and the guy I like was kind of an ass to him about it. And even though they texted for ages, the hot guy was spotted going out with a few other guys at the same time so basically cheating on him.

So now i'm getting conscious that he could be doing the same to me. And i don't know what to do. Like i want to sit my guy down and have a serious heart to heart with him and see what the story is but hes not exactly the type of guy to have that with. So i really don't know what to do. I want to give him one more chance for a date, but i want him to invite me out and not have me being the person doing all the work and going to all the effort.

I don't have many gay friends and i'm not out so i don't have anyone really to talk to about this and need some advice. What would you do if you were in my position

Thanks guys and girls

cozzie55

OH ya i should have mentioned that i also met up with grindr guy this evening for a pint for a chat cause he could see i was pissed off and depressed about the whole thing.

Now i think I made it clear before i met him that we were meeting as mates for a chat and no more. But i get the feeling that he likes me aswell so i feel even more like a prick now for leading him on

floggg

Whatever else it sounds like he's not sold on the idea of a long distance relationship. LDRs are tough and it's not something to enter into lightly. They can be hard to maintain for committed couples, never mind a couple just starting off.

I think unless he's into it 100% from the outset, it's best to just end it now and move on.

Honestly the new guy seems like a much better prospect. He's local at the very least. If give him a shot and forget about the old guy.

ninty9er

I've met a few guys recently that I like, but as I'm in Cork working 50 hour weeks and they're in Limerick/Galway I don't think it'd be fair on either of us to get serious.

Geography coupled with the inflexibility of working hours for me are a big obstacle in the way of getting into a relationship. It'd be entirely different if you were both in the same place initially anyone of you moved away though.

baby and crumble

The guy said he wasn't sure about an ldr. Now he's starting to pull back from the relationship. That in itself seems pretty self evident to me.

I'm not too sure what you're going to "sit him down" for considering you were planning to hook with a randomer.

If you ask me there's too much drama and immaturity going on here for any decent relationships to flourish. Just me 2c though.

Walker77

cozzie55 wrote: »

Hopefully this won't turn into an emotional blood bath but here goes

Basically i've a bit of an issue going on with a guy i like.

Right well i've been talking to this guy practically everyday for the last 4 months. I've had feelings for him since the start. And we've gone on 4/5 dates at this stage. So after date 3 we had a big discussion about a long distance relationship as i live in cork and he lives in dublin. Anyway he was the one who had issues with the whole long distance thing but i think we worked that out and decided that we should keep seeing each other and see how things go. Anyway in the last few weeks his lack of effort and wanting to meet up with me has been getting frustrating and i'm getting very pissed off with him. It is always me that asks him out on a date and never the other way round. Also he has blown me off on the last two dates saying that it "was too much effort for me to come to dublin as i had to stay in a hotel", granted he says its cause he doesn't want me going to all the expense. The last time this happened was last friday at 3.45 when i was leaving at 4 and cause i liked him i basically had a **** weekend wondering if its something i did or not. etc etc.

Anyway to make matters more complicated in a stupid horny moment last night i decided that i wanted to meet someone for some fun in cork cause i was pissed off and got grindr out. I got talking to this sound out guy who i'd actually been talking to before but decided against meeting him the first time cause he was a bit too full on, anyway i said i'd meet up with him for 5 min for a chat as he was heading out so thats all he had to spare. Afterwards I let the guy add me on facebook and guess who it turned out we know in common..... you guessed it.... the guy i have the hots for.

So the conversation moved on and we got talking about my guy and it turns out the grindr guy and guy i've the hots for have a best friend in common. and know each other fairly well. So i kind of poured my heart out to him about the whole suitation and it turns out grindr guy liked my guy aswell in the past and the guy I like was kind of an ass to him about it. And even though they texted for ages, the hot guy was spotted going out with a few other guys at the same time so basically cheating on him.

So now i'm getting conscious that he could be doing the same to me. And i don't know what to do. Like i want to sit my guy down and have a serious heart to heart with him and see what the story is but hes not exactly the type of guy to have that with. So i really don't know what to do. I want to give him one more chance for a date, but i want him to invite me out and not have me being the person doing all the work and going to all the effort.

I don't have many gay friends and i'm not out so i don't have anyone really to talk to about this and need some advice. What would you do if you were in my position

Thanks guys and girls

You need to be true to yourself. No matter what replies you get here its not going to help your suitation.

AwaitYourReply

I think floggg has summed up the situation just right.
It has not and is highly unlikely to work out in the future as a long distance r'ship if U are in Cork and he is in Dublin
Best cool it down in a calm cool way - See how he reacts by your change of tactics but don't hold your breath as it sounds like he's not all that bothered either way.
Perhaps by ending or cooling your r'ship with your BF in Dublin you can then be free to explore things with the other guy with a guilt-free conscience.
U have a right to be happy but it will stand a much better chance if the other guy feels exactly the same and is also living closer to home.
I really hope it all works out well for you regardless man.
Fingers crossed!!

Annasopra

OP I'm not really sure if this thread is serious or not, given your very similar threads in AH about dating women