Gay sperm donor told to pay child maintenance for 'his' two children

King Of Wishful Thinking

Unbelievable this story:

Gay dad from Basildon being pursued by CSA after giving sperm to a lesbian friend

A GAY dad is being pursued for child support payments after he donated sperm to a lesbian friend so she could have children.

Mark Langridge, 47, from Laindon, fathered two children with the woman he had met when he was out clubbing with his long-time partner Shaun Keeble.

Openly gay Mr Langridge became a father to the first child in 1998 and then again in 1999- he met the woman at a gay and lesbian monthly club night called Bliss in Southend.

His involvement with the children was very limited but Mr Langbridge’s life said his life was turned upside down in June when the Child Support Agency (CSA) wrote to him, demanding payments from him as the biological father.

Although Mr Landridge did not make the sperm donation officially, he is legally considered to be the biological father and has no choice but to make the payments until both children have completed school.

Mr Langridge, who shares a home with Mr Keeble, 37, said: "The last few months have been a complete nightmare. When I come home I am dreading to see what letter and demand has landed on our doorstep.

"When I made the sperm donation, it was to a friend to help make her dreams come true, yet all these years later it has turned nasty and I now feel as if I am the victim of a blackmail plot, supported by the state."

He is now facing having to pay £8,000 if he makes the payments, which are currently set at £26 per week.

The only way he can protest again the ruling is by taking his case to a Judicial Review, which could cost in the region of £30,000.

Mr Langridge said he only made the donation to his then friend because she assured him that she was financially stable and would not need support.

When the children were young, he remained in touch with the mother - seeing his children at events such as barbecues and was surprised when he was introduced as their dad even though his name does not feature on either of their birth certificates.

His friendship with the girls' mother deteriorated as time passed because she was making more and more demands on him to be a father figure and since 2004 there was no direct contact.

Mr Langridge added: "Me and Shaun were not interested in having children of our own so when the idea was suggested, we thought it sounded like a lovely thing to do.

"I did not ask for anything to be documented legally and with hindsight perhaps I should have done, but I have a solicitor friend who I discussed the issue with at the time and she is prepared to stand up in court for me if it comes down to it.

"It was purely an act of kindness on my part and now I am being made to pay and unless the law is changed I will be liable.

"I did not have any input on their names, their choice of schools and their upbringing yet now I am being made to pay.”

The women considered him to be a sperm donor and so not sure why they suddenly see him as the child's father all of a sudden. Wonder what legal rights he would have if he had suddenly decided he wanted access to these children out of the blue.

Would say also, that this case will have any man that donated sperm to a childless couple in the 90', a little more nervous each morning they open their mail.

dodderangler

Hate that

hefferboi

Some dose.

MagicMarker

His own fault tbh.

flutterflye

I'm confused - did her literally donate the sperm or have sex with her?
Because maybe if they had sex, then that's where the legality of it comes in?
Or maybe because it wasn't anonymous?
Or maybe because he is semi-involved with the kids?

Whatever the case, it is ridiculous.
He shouldn't have to pay if that wasn't the agreement from the start.

admiralofthefleet

he should have insisted that the lady golfer used a tesco value turkey baster

My name is URL

There have been plenty of similar cases involving 'straight' people.. I don't see how all of the involved being 'gay' is of any relevance.

Gay sperm is capable of fertilizing gay eggs.. what kind of sick science is this?!

GLaDOS

I assume the problem is that he didn't sign anything revoking rights and responsibilities of fatherhood beforehand, as I assume is done with 'official' sperm donations? Horrible situation to be in, but he should have been more careful.

ballsymchugh

it's sahffend innit. wouldn't expect anything less from that dump.

wyndham

Burn. Be careful where you throw your yoghurt.

K-9

ScienceNerd wrote: »

I assume the problem is that he didn't sign anything revoking rights and responsibilities of fatherhood beforehand, as I assume is done with 'official' sperm donations? Horrible situation to be in, but he should have been more careful.

It is a stupid law but turning up at birthday parties is a bit dumb. Something like that you need to either be involved or not at all.

admiralofthefleet

ballsymchugh wrote: »

it's sahffend innit. wouldn't expect anything less from that dump.

i 'knew' a girl from southend once, she went like a steamtrain

Scioch

Serves the moron right. Children are not presents to be given to people. He fathered two children and those children whether he wants them to be or not are his responsibility. Pay the damn 26 quid a week.

jill_valentine

Horrible situation, and yer wan sounds like a bit of a bint if that's all true, but it would be absolutely mental to go through with something this significant without establishing where everybody was legally.

Celly Smunt

Does a gay fella getting a boner for a woman have the same stigma as a straight fella getting a boner to gay porn?.If so that chap is such a gaybo.

kylith

jill_valentine wrote: »

Horrible situation, and yer wan sounds like a bit of a bint if that's all true, but it would be absolutely mental to go through with something this significant without establishing where everybody was legally.

From my reading of it it seems that it's not so much yer wan as the CSA. When the mother broke up with her partner she went to the government to get benefits. The CSA then looked at the birth cert, or asked who the father was, and decided to go after him themselves.

jill_valentine

kylith wrote: »

From my reading of it it seems that it's not so much yer wan as the CSA. When the mother broke up with her partner she went to the government to get benefits. The CSA then looked at the birth cert, or asked who the father was, and decided to go after him themselves.

Crikey, yes I see now.

What a mess.

EDIT:

Wait, presumably she would have had to give his name to somebody for this to happen, if his name wasn't on the Cert?

My name is URL

It's a mess alright. Just shows that at the end of the day, when an individuals dreams don't go to plan 100%; that often times someone else has to pick up the tab. Should it be the state; or those involved & responsible for it in the first place?

1ZRed

Scioch wrote: »

Serves the moron right. Children are not presents to be given to people. He fathered two children and those children whether he wants them to be or not are his responsibility. Pay the damn 26 quid a week.

She's a lesbian so it's hardly an easy option for her to go off with some random straight lad just to get pregnant. They made an arrangement as friends, it's not unheard of for a gay man to help his gay female friend out if she desperately wanted children. She could have gone down the sperm bank route but maybe this was the cheaper, more comfortable and better fitting option for her.

You can't predict the relationship breaking down, but I've heard of this happening a few times when the guy was just acting as the sperm doner and nothing more, but years later it blew up. I wouldn't nessescary agree that these children are his responsibility just based on the deal that they agreed on years ago, but because there was no contract or anything signed, so he's caught under the law and he's responsible now.

I'd hardly call him a moron for it or serving him right when he just tried to help his gay friend out.

Phill Ewinn

Substitute Basildon for Tallagh and no one here would give a fvck. Plenty of reasons why the gay should pay.

It's his child FFS

jill_valentine

Phill Ewinn wrote: »

Substitute Basildon for Tallagh and no one here would give a fvck. Plenty of reasons why the gay should pay.

It's his child FFS

He agreed to donate on the understanding that would be pretty much the end of his involvement. As far as all were concerned, they were her kids - and possibly her partner - and that was that.

It's not like the gay guy and the lesbian were ever going to have a one night stand, it was something they all did on the understanding of certain conditions, he didn't opt in to a second family.

King Of Wishful Thinking

My name is URL wrote: »

There have been plenty of similar cases involving 'straight' people.. I don't see how all of the involved being 'gay' is of any relevance.

Well, I think it's relevant that he is Gay for not only the reason that it is and has been quite common for Gay men to donate sperm to Lesbian couples and so want to draw attention to the fact that those men are now in danger of the same thing happening, but also because they wanted to make it clear that he was not just some guy who had his fun with some woman in the name of sperm donation.

Boombastic

The contract to have and raise children was made between the 2 women, therefore the other woman and not the donor should be the one they are chasing

K-9

Phill Ewinn wrote: »

Substitute Basildon for Tallagh and no one here would give a fvck. Plenty of reasons why the gay should pay.

It's his child FFS

You've a way with words you wordsmith you.

Its an odd case, scenarios like these are going to throw up odd situations. You can have cases where the father wants contact and he has no rights either, so the law sees he has responsibilities but no rights, a strange anomaly in the legal world where rights and no responsibilitries are pretty common.

Scioch

1ZRed wrote: »

She's a lesbian so it's hardly an easy option for her to go off with some random straight lad just to get pregnant. They made an arrangement as friends, it's not unheard of for a gay man to help his gay female friend out if she desperately wanted children. She could have gone down the sperm bank route but maybe this was the cheaper, more comfortable and better fitting option for her.

You can't predict the relationship breaking down, but I've heard of this happening a few times when the guy was just acting as the sperm doner and nothing more, but years later it blew up. I wouldn't nessescary agree that these children are his responsibility just based on the deal that they agreed on years ago, but because there was no contract or anything signed, so he's caught under the law and he's responsible now.

I'd hardly call him a moron for it or serving him right when he just tried to help his gay friend out.

I would call him a moron, he father two children he wanted nothing to do with to help a buddy out while still remaining in their lives. They are his children and he is responsible for them. I'm sure every man who became a father after a one night stand would love to claim they were only a sperm donor and they didnt want kids. That doesnt negate their responsibility.

He fathered two kids, now the mother is seeking state aid to provide for them. And he doesnt want to pay because he didint want to be a father. Tough shít. Kids are not Christmas present they are human beings and if you decide to bring one into the world then its your responsibility to care for and provide for them.

sbsquarepants

Serves him right, fúcking clown. You don't just go churning out babies as a favour to someone. The fact that he's gay doesn't enter into it. Gay, straight, what he is is a muppet and now he needs to pay for his kids like everyone else.

Ellis Dee

You take a risk every time you put your cock into an orifice belonging to someone else. He took it and now he has to pay the price. Tough sh1t, but sh1t happens.:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

squod

Feel sorry for the kids. Can't wait 'till the two of them are big enough and bold enough to kick their biological parents in their diabolical holes.

Auldloon

He was silly. Several years ago a female friend approached me and my then wife to ask if I would donate to her. I told her get ta fek. She's married now with a kid!!

Abi

jill_valentine wrote: »

Wait, presumably she would have had to give his name to somebody for this to happen, if his name wasn't on the Cert?

This is where the whole plan went to shít, she named the father and obviously gave an address for him. If she didn't want him to get financially involved she shouldn't have tried to claim for dependent children. If you try to claim for children you're legally obliged to seek maintenance and declare it to the welfare department you're claiming from.

CSA are chasing him because of a boo-boo she made, and a costly one at that for him.

Guy:Incognito

1ZRed wrote: »

I wouldn't nessescary agree that these children are his responsibility just based on the deal that they agreed on years ago, but because there was no contract or anything signed, so he's caught under the law and he's responsible now.
.

He is more responsible than the rest of the tax payers. The mother is looking for help from the taxpayer so it's only right he should ha to foot some of the bill.

Teyla Emmagan

He will end up paying this one way or another, making a fuss will accomplish nothing except making a lot of men think twice. He is just lucky that they are only coming after him now when the kids are already 13/14. Only a few years left then!! He should have told her to go to a clinic, nice clean sperm for 200 a pop. Even if he had paid for it himself it would have worked out a lot cheaper.

saiint

My name is URL wrote: »

There have been plenty of similar cases involving 'straight' people.. I don't see how all of the involved being 'gay' is of any relevance.

Gay sperm is capable of fertilizing gay eggs.. what kind of sick science is this?!

most gay people would agree being gay is in their genes :pac:

am i bovvered

Of course he should pay for his children, €13 each per week !!! He makes it sound like he is the victim, there are two innocent children he helped bring into the world.

Teyla Emmagan

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

He will end up paying this one way or another, making a fuss will accomplish nothing except making a lot of men think twice. He is just lucky that they are only coming after him now when the kids are already 13/14. Only a few years left then!! He should have told her to go to a clinic, nice clean sperm for 200 a pop. Even if he had paid for it himself it would have worked out a lot cheaper.

Except they've changed the law so someone who donates to a clinic can be tracked down by any offspring produced so there's far fewer people depositing. Next stupid step will be to have them liable for maintenance.

King Of Wishful Thinking

1ZRed wrote: »

She could have gone down the sperm bank route but maybe this was the cheaper, more comfortable and better fitting option for her.

Apparently the law in the UK back then prevented Lesbian couples from using sperm banks as women were required to have a male partner at the time.

super_furry

Totally daft and naive on his part not to have got a solicitor involved before consenting to help her have a baby.

philologos

King Of Wishful Thinking wrote: »

The women considered him to be a sperm donor and so not sure why they suddenly see him as the child's father all of a sudden.

It could be because he is the child's father? Biologically that's exactly what he is irrespective of how it came about.

This is why divorcing biological parenthood from social parenthood is generally a bad idea.

bluecode

He should pay up. They are HIS children any way you look at it. Yes he made a mistake like many a man gay or straight. But the kids are his and to me that implies taking a certain level of responsibility for that.

At the same time I don't understand why you wouldn't want to have some part of their lives. I have two boys. I would hate to think they would be strangers to me. They are part of me as much as they are part of their Mother.

It's pretty much black and white with me. He needs to shut up and pay up.

Sulla Felix

philologos wrote: »

It could be because he is the child's father? Biologically that's exactly what he is irrespective of how it came about.

This is why divorcing biological parenthood from social parenthood is generally a bad idea.

No, this is why doing it half assedly is a bad idea. He should have been able to divest himsself of rights and obligaftions, at the start and with the mothers consent.

Callan57

philologos wrote: »

It could be because he is the child's father? Biologically that's exactly what he is irrespective of how it came about.

This is why divorcing biological parenthood from social parenthood is generally a bad idea.

Doesn't the article say the woman introduced him as the children's FATHER when he attended family occasions, so clearly he widely known to be the father & apparently had no objection to being know as such .... until such time as it might cost him something! He's the father and responsible for his actions then and now. There is an old saying "he who dips his wick must pay for the oil" ... I just hope Joan Burton is studying this carefully!

the_syco

Callan57 wrote: »

There is an old saying "he who dips his wick must pay for the oil"

What happens if he didn't dip his wick?

Beefy78

ballsymchugh wrote: »

it's sahffend innit. wouldn't expect anything less from that dump.

As a proud Southender I should point out that it was Basildon.

philologos

Sulla Felix wrote: »

No, this is why doing it half assedly is a bad idea. He should have been able to divest himsself of rights and obligaftions, at the start and with the mothers consent.

Why should the desire alone be enough?

Ultimately we have legal responsibilities in those situations. Those should be evaluated carefully. Mucking around with biology probably isn't much of an idea in that context.

Besides there's no guarantee that the details of the donor won't be made available to the child when they seek them.

padd b1975

super_furry wrote: »

Totally daft and naive on his part not to have got a solicitor involved before consenting to help her have a baby.

I don't think there is any legal way you can avoid your obligations as a parent, apart from having the child adopted.

Wompa1

Friend or not, don't trust a woman with your sperm. Also never trust a girl when she says it's ok I'm on the pill. There's some crazy mofos out there.

Cungi

saiint wrote: »

most gay people would agree being gay is in their genes :pac:

Does that meant the kid will be twice as gay?

Canis Lupus

Cungi wrote: »

Does that meant the kid will be twice as gay?

I believe the correct term would be superghey.

Lolabear

Wow what a crazy story...

he should have looked into it a lot more into it than he did, and at least got things wrote down so he had a paper trail...

wonder if he wanted custody of the children would she still be claiming he is the baby daddy...

bnt

If you ask me, he made a huge mistake doing it as a "personal favour". Donors who donate though agencies have no such problems. Here's an example of an Irish clinic that only takes donations from England and Denmark (and not Ireland):

It is impossible for a donor or recipient couple to trace each other. Both have their confidentiality respected. A child conceived using donor sperm, who has been told of his origins, may, if the donor was English, go to a central register in England when they have reached 18 years of age and acquire some non identifiable information about the donor. This is not possible with Danish donors.

But there's a big problem with relying on the Law to preserve your anonymity: Laws can be changed.

This is UK law. As a result, I think most sperm donations in the UK now come from abroad.