24 years old and never had a "one night stand"

LegacyUser

Just writing here because I basically think I have an issue. Mates of mine have all had one night stands with people on a fair few occasions, but I have absolutely no interest in them. At the age I'm at, I've only ever had one girlfriend in my life and she's the only person I've done the deed with. I just think this is an issue because 99% of people ages 18-25 are out every weekend and their ultimate goal (particularly lads) is to get drunk and have one night stands. I enjoy going out and having a few drinks, but I've had at least 7 or 8 opportunities over the last year or so to have sex with a "random" girl and furthest I've gone is kissing them. Should I not be like most single, young lads and get with anyone I can or is there other people out there who don't bother with that sort of thing? Apologies if this is inappropriate but it's a genuine concern.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't know why this would be a 'concern' for you, OP. You don't have to do anything. And you certainly don't have to do anything you are uncomfortable with or have no interest in, just because your mates are doing it.

If you're a non-smoker and your friends are smokers would it be a 'genuine concern' for you that you don't smoke?

Really OP, I think this is a non issue. If you don't feel like having sex with a random girl on a night out, then don't feel bad about that.

CarMe

Definitely not!
How sad to have nights out with their friends and the night being deemed a failure if they don't get some drunk girl back to theirs, not forgetting the awkwardness the next morning!
Sex in relationships is better, I think most people will agree and you're friends probably aren't telling you about all the nasty stuff they've witnessed in these one night stands, a guy in work has them often and has women wet his bed and other horrible things!
There is nothing wrong with you, you're happy in yourself and you know that having sex with x amount of girls doesn't make you a sex god or a better person.

LegacyUser

I had a few one night stands when I was your age and I'd never have them again. You're having sex with someone you don't know. You don't know what they like, they don't know what you like. You don't know them well enough to communicate it. Then when it's over, you're either stuck with a stranger in your bed that at some stage you're going to have to get rid of. Or you're in their house and you're looking into trying to get yourself home. Sex in a relationship is a much more enjoyable experience.

LegacyUser

Ugh, honey child you're not missing anything. Drunken fumbling with some randomer could go one of many ways. It could be a fairly okay experience - the two of ye might get some kind of sexual compatibility going and the roll in the hay will be an enjoyable one. Or, more likely, because ye don't know each other at all you'll be making the expression "bumping uglies" come to life. The first time you have sex with someone usually isn't the best as you need time and practice to get to know each other, what you like, what you don't like, speed, tempo, etc. So you'll end up with a "meh" experience at best.

Other ways it could go, remember this is a stranger, she could have something. Something she'll pass onto you. Or she could end up being a bit of a freak who is into extreme things that make you uncomfortable. If you have no desire to have a ONS then leave it. There's little chance of it being good and much more chance of it being bad or worse.

tomtomhardy

I'm exactly like you OP, I'm a similar age and i have no interest in going out with a main goal of having a one night stand. I have friends who tell me there triumphs from the night before but it doesn't make me want to be doing what there doing. I agree with Big Bag of Chips, it's a non issue!

curlzy

Hey OP,

I'm 30. I've never had a ONS. I've had sex with 2 people. My boyfriend who I was with from ages 19 to 24 and my fiancee who I've been with since I was 24. Do I regret never having had a ONS? NO, not at all.

I've actually had this conversation with a few friends who have had ONS. They all say the same, ONS are absolutely ****e, they leave you feeling cr*p, the sex is sh*te and the next morning is just cringey.

Don't stress about it, I don't think you're missing out!!!

Esoteric_

It's not that big a deal, OP. I'm 23 and I've never had a one night stand. Like you, I've had opportunities (I think most people my age and female have plenty of opportunities on nights out!), but I've never gone further than kissing, either.

I have absoulutely no interest in having one night stands, and I don't see why it's a big deal to not have had one. Plenty of my friends have, and fair play to them, but I just choose not to have any because it doesn't appeal to me.

Sounds like it's just not your thing. Sex is great and all but there's nothing wrong with reserving it for someone you're dating!

Katy89

don't let yourself pressurise from your mates. they are just immature and believe me, almost every single person on this earth longs for a real loving relationship and not one night stands. I strongly guess your mates are not really happy (although they would never admit it)

it's prefectly ok you don't like ONS.
and I tell you another thing, women, if it comes to choosing a real partner, normally like men, who didn't sleep around, much more:)

so at the end of the day, you are the one who combines attitudes for a future happy life.

LegacyUser

I'm the same age as you and I've only had sex within a relationship. Never desired a one night stand and will probably never have one. That's just my preference and I've never considered it weird nor felt pressured to change. In fact, most of my friends are similar. Some aren't and that's coolio too. Recognising and respecting that people explore their sexualities in their own way is a mark of maturity and, really, this post makes you look kind of immature. Try not to get so bothered by meaningless social norms. Life's too short

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm also 24 and I've never had a one nighter. As a woman, I would find it to be a HUGE turn off if my boyfriend had had a string of one night stands. I respect it works for some people and satisfies them, but it most certainly wouldn't do it for me.

cafecolour

Hey, I'm a single, attractive gay man. I could get young attractive guys for sex without even leaving my house (thank you internet!). I don't, because don't like random sex. It's that simple.

Some people like random sex - they find excitement in the newness, the mystery, the sense of adventure. They should have (safe) one nighters.

I don't. I like intimacy with someone I know reasonably well and am comfortable with. So that's what I wait for.

It doesn't sound like you want to but you're resisting out of some moral code. It sounds like you haven't wanted to, but think you should because you can. So I wouldn't. If you like a girl, kiss her. Then get her phone number. Call her and set up a dinner date. If it goes well, have a second date. If it doesn't, try again.

gerryk

I would have to disagree with those saying ONS is the worst thing you could ever do. I have had both longterm, committed relationships, and ONS, and found fulfillment of different sorts in both. Sometimes, commitment-free, spur of the moment sex can be glorious, whereas the closeness and affection, and knowledge of each other that comes with sex with a long-term partner, provides an unmatched experience also.

Basically, it's horses for courses... if it's something you would enjoy, then enjoy it... if not, then don't. But there's nothing fundamentally wrong with ONS. There is plenty of opportunity for awkwardness and incompatibility, but also chances of some very positively memorable experiences.

LegacyUser

Cheers for the replies so far. I suppose the fact that I think it's an "issue" is that I sometimes wonder to myself why I adopt this attitude. As in hypothetically let's say the day after a night out, I was thinking back on the previous night and how I was kissing a random girl, sometimes I'd think to myself, why didn't I offer her to come back to mine? I just can't explain it. There have been times where I've actually went back to someone's place, but declined to have sex with them, making up the excuse that I was too drunk.

Esoteric_

Don'tGoNearRandomers wrote: »

Cheers for the replies so far. I suppose the fact that I think it's an "issue" is that I sometimes wonder to myself why I adopt this attitude. As in hypothetically let's say the day after a night out, I was thinking back on the previous night and how I was kissing a random girl, sometimes I'd think to myself, why didn't I offer her to come back to mine? I just can't explain it. There have been times where I've actually went back to someone's place, but declined to have sex with them, making up the excuse that I was too drunk.

Just sounds like deep down, you don't want to do it, and that's fine! By the sound of it, you're not comfortable doing it, so just don't do it until/unless you want to.