Thinking of starting my own religion.

Chuck Stone

A requirement to wear an unusual hat is definitely on the cards for my new religion (only for men though).

The women of my religion will have to bake delicious cakes to honour our God.

So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

SafeSurfer

Another religion - just what the world needs.

stampydmonkey

SafeSurfer wrote: »

Another religion - just what the world needs.

fight!

girl2

Good luck with that.

Ghandee

That's me in the corner.

tallaghtmick

Feck your religion! whatever you start im gonna post a letter on a door and start my own religion with Ian Paisley and hookers!

9959

Chuck Stone wrote: »

A requirement to wear an unusual hat is definitely on the cards for my new religion (only for men though).

The women of my religion will have to bake delicious cakes to honour our God.

So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

Yes. Keep it to yourself.

jester77

Be unique, create one that is honest and has some morals.

efb

my religion would be "Just dont be a cunt"

Sea Sharp

Tax evasion, nice!

I want in!!

Chuck Stone

9959 wrote: »

Yes. Keep it to yourself.

I will make you a priest if you join.

You will get a car, a house, and sex as perks of the job.

Equality

It sounds like it could be quite profitable.

tallaghtmick

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I will make you a priest if you join.

You will get a car, a house, and sex as perks of the job.

Aren't they cracking down on that?

ejmaztec

Thinly veiled "I'm an atheist having a go at religion" thread.

Instead of Darwin Awards, we could have Dawkins Awards.

BBDBB

Can I be the first accolite to cause a division by misinterpreting your doctrine, engaging in a power struggle causing untold death and misery before setting up my own sect in a disused business park on the outskirts of a major connurbation?

if not


forget it

smcgiff

That your god told you it was your divine duty to shag all the female adherents.

Chuck Stone

ejmaztec wrote: »

Thinly veiled "I'm an atheist having a go at religion" thread.

I'm not an atheist.

mark renton

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I will make you a priest if you join.

You will get a car, a house, and sex as perks of the job.

You looking to rehire for Jimmy Savilles former position?

Chuck Stone

smcgiff wrote: »

That your god told you it was your divine duty to shag all the female adherents.

You know him? :eek:

BBDBB

john47832 wrote: »

You looking to rehire for Jimmy Savilles former position?

perhaps he heard there was a small opening



edit - Im going to hell

kneemos

You'll have to have a hook to pull in the punters,such as eternal life,reincarnation or being transported to another planet.Good luck with your project Chuck.

Wacker The Attacker

ejmaztec wrote: »

Thinly veiled "I'm an atheist having a go at religion" thread.

Instead of Darwin Awards, we could have Dawkins Awards.

I have no particular argument for or against religion but that guy is one of the smuggest c**ts alive

El Guapo!

Can we start a turf war with the Mormons? If so, I'm in.
There'll be crying Americans and ripped backpacks everywhere.

Gunmonkey

Your religion sounds ok.....but its no bowl of Special K.

BrensBenz

I tried that some time ago but, because of DIY and TV cookery shows, I couldn't keep it up. Some hints that might help you:

• You'll need to write a manifesto / bible and it will have to include stuff like "do whatever I say or be doomed" and / or "do whatever I say and be rewarded with...." fill in whatever might appeal to your demographic;
• It should include lots of unprovable "facts";
• It will also help if you write in lots of ambiguity so that an industry, devoted to the interpretation of your words, will develop;
• Good to get the government involved so that they can add civil legislation to back up your "commandments";
• You'll also need a uniform. Don't worry about your lack of creative ability - the uniform is meant to look ridiculous;
• Come up with some get rich quick schemes and link them to your "doomed" and / or "rewarded" laws;
• Try to learn from the mistakes of others, e.g. Don't go to Jerusalem on a donkey, even if you're welcomed by thousands;
• When you die, don't pass command to anyone who might eventually pass it on to dimwits.

You're welcome.

Grayson

BrensBenz wrote: »

[*]You'll need to write a manifesto / bible and it will have to include stuff like "do whatever I say or be doomed" and / or "do whatever I say and be rewarded with...." fill in whatever might appeal to your demographic;

But you can make that up as you go along. Pretty much no-one turns up with it all ready.

smcgiff

Religion forming 101

It's essential to say you are the last prophet and no one after you can change your laws.

This will separate you from some of the earlier amateur religions.

Grayson

And throw the word science in. Makes it sound modern and not at all superstitious.

Like Christian Science
http://christianscience.com/what-is-christian-science

Or scientologists (who are a lovely group of people. No need to sue boards.ie)

padd b1975

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I have no particular argument for or against religion but that guy is one of the smuggest c**ts alive

He took over the role when Christy Hitchens kicked the bucket.

kneemos

Can I begat someone?

Sin City

smcgiff wrote: »

That your god told you it was your divine duty to shag all the female adherents.

Sounds like the Catholic Church, just substitute female for child and bingo.

Ellis Dee

Chuck Stone wrote: »

---

So, good folks of AH, any suggestions for my new religion?

The supply of eejits who will fall for religion seems to be virtually inexhaustible, but there's a lot of competition out there as well.:D

You'll need a good gimmick to impress the great unwashed masses and persuade them to swallow your guff and part with their money.;)

A fellow with the same idea as yourself once wrote to George Bernard Shaw and asked him to suggest a gimmick that might work.

The reply he got was. "Have yourself crucified and rise again on the third day."

That should do it.:)

Capt'n Midnight

If you are going to start a religion you need a good name.

Not one that invites a stoning when you visit fundamentalist areas.

opinion guy

Your motto should be 'Be excellent to each other"

Ghost Buster

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I have no particular argument for or against religion but that guy is one of the smuggest c**ts alive

I know!! The next thing he will be claiming is that the entire universe was created specifically for him, that he was made in the image of a super being and that this super being takes an interest in every little thing he does and has a special place for him in his house if he is a good boy. Smug bastid...



Oh...wait:eek:

Capt'n Midnight

opinion guy wrote: »

Your motto should be 'Be excellent to each other"

If scientology has taught us one thing it's about suing the arse off anyone who breaches copyrighed religious texts

Ghost Buster

Capt'n Midnight wrote: »

If scientology has taught us one thing it's about suing the arse off anyone who breaches copyrighed religious texts

And that Oprahs sofa cussions are ever so bouncy.

Alibaba

Jesus !

Wacker The Attacker

Ghost Buster wrote: »

I know!! The next thing he will be claiming is that the entire universe was created specifically for him, that he was made in the image of a super being and that this super being takes an interest in every little thing he does and has a special place for him in his house if he is a good boy. Smug bastid...



Oh...wait:eek:

I have no argument for or against religion (as I said in the original post).

I simply stated that I find Richard Dawkins to be a supremely arrogant individual.

Fr_Dougal

Religion. :rolleyes:

Ghost Buster

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I have no argument for or against religion (as I said in the original post).

I simply stated that I find Richard Dawkins to be a supremely arrogant individual.

Thats ok. I just cannot see it. He is a slightly posh and very very polite man who seems understandable bemused when speaking to adults who believe in talking snakes and creationism,. Who wouldnt?

kowloon

Needs a symbol. How about a large spoon or ladle?

And on the nineteenth day of metageneration there was a great disturbance in the mongfield. The festival of ladling shall commence bi-annually to celebrate the craft of the divine cutler.

Smeggy

Show me who to smite and they shall be smoten...

Shryke

Can I be some kind of high ranking heretic, constantly on the verge of public execution for lusting and drinking and making fun of everyones hats while wearing my own specially designed hat that is the only true hat? I want a dog as well, and the dog is a bishop.

9959

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I will make you a priest if you join.

You will get a car, a house, and sex as perks of the job.

I'm in.

uncle_sam_ie

A hat is a must have for your religion. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/8635624/Pastafarian-wins-religious-freedom-right-to-wear-pasta-strainer-for-driving-licence.html

Chuck Stone

Shryke wrote: »

Can I be some kind of high ranking heretic

9959 wrote: »

I'm in.

Welcome aboard Shepherds of the flock.

TheCrywas.

A religion to support your MOPE mentality.

Ghost Buster

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Welcome aboard Shepherds of the flock.

I want to be a Nun with the chance to rise to Mother Superior in a few years or even lady Pope. Im a bloke but I really cannot see that as a problem after years doing the willie tuck thing in front of mirrors.

Ghost Buster

SafeSurfer wrote: »

Another religion - just what the world needs.

But if this turn out to actually be The One True One then it is just what we need.

BBDBB

Im coveting my neighbours ass

mmmmmmmmmmmmm