Dependent on him

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I've been with boyf for a year now, we are happy together and although it took me 6 years to decide to give it a proper go-I really love him with my whole heart! It had been me that resisted a more 'formal' relationship in the past - twice - as I felt at the time i was too young to get so serious. But last year I decided I was ready to change my lifestyle; I was tired of all the travel with my job and when we saw each other again - I knew I loved this guy and I was so happy when he still felt the same. It was like a miracle and so I decided to show true commitment and moved to his country in January.

However, I couldnt find a job for ages- now I've finally found something but its hard work, badly paid and not something that I really enjoy. So its been getting me down. I feel isolated without any friends here, a job that at least keeps me busy, but is not using my skills or work experience from the past and the only thing I really have is my boyfriend.

I think I may have been a bit depressed lately - crying a lot, being very pessimistic and thinking that my whole life will be like this - in a crappy badly paid job despite all the work experience and education I worked so hard to achieve in the past. But on the other hand, I love this guy - he has a job (also badly paid - but he loves it) based here and I dont really want to move country or do long distance, I just want a better job so we can be in the same place together.

I was never a girl who depended on a boyfriend - and ironically, thats what my boyf used to like about me I think. But here I find myself without friends - so he hears all my 'girl drama' and tears about little things that in other circumstances, I'd be telling my work mates/friends/sister and having a pint and a laugh over by the end...but those people are now far away and pints by skype arent as much craic you know!

So yes, I think I'm asking too much of him- he doesnt deserve to see me crying and complaining all the time. It makes him feel guilty - but its not his fault- I CHOSE to be here, I dont blame him at all - its just that its hard for me at the moment.

I want to stop this dependency; always telling him every little thing I feel and crying and being upset - but I cant see how? If I dont tell somebody these things I would explode, but I've nobody else to tell. How can I just GET OVER MYSELF on my own and learn to relax and do what they always tell you - live in the moment!

can anybody help me to do this? Or tell me how to calm down? I'm afraid i'm going to destroy this amazing relationship by too much moaning!

thoughts welcome!! really!!!
thanks
DO'H

ash23

I had a similar problem when I moved to be with my boyfriend. I felt very isolated. But to be honest, I made no effort to make friends because I was so content in my relationship bubble. By the time we split, having lived here for a couple of years, I knew nobody and had no friends.
I stayed here while he moved on and my life is well and truly here now. I went out, I talked to people, I went to events and on work nights out. I made friends and my life here became much fuller and happier. Even though I do miss living nearer to my family, I still see them regularly and I now consider this place to be home.

I started seeing someone recently and have felt myself slipping back into old contented habits so really am making an effort to keep my own social life going.

I think all you can do for now OP is try to make friends in order to give you and your partner a bit of space and independence from each other. Does he have friends there? Do his friends have girlfriends you could try and meet up with?

Maybe throw a small housewarming/birthday/Halloween bash and try to get some sort of socialising going.