Being a habitual failure.

daddyorchips

Hey guys I just wanna tell my story to people because well I really just want to get it out of my head.

Since the age of nineteen I've been what I could only describe as a failure When I left school I ended up homeless not due to drugs or other crap but just because of family issues I slept everywhere from empty apartment blocks to grave yards and homeless hostels, well when I say slept I mean I layed down just to get a rest. I never claimed social welfare or begged and I still do not today The government doesn't know i exist Well they do but when i first became homeless the refused to help me which really gave me no hope. I eventually got an under the table position in a bar that closed down two months after I got it so there I was back to nothing feeling invisible and when I wasn't invisible I was judged by people that didn't know me at all but just decided I was a drug addict because yes I smelled and couldn't wash as much as I wanted too. But then I met my angel my caring loving kind and beautiful angel, She didn't care what I had or what I was she loved me for me even though I could give her nothing she stood by me through everything even when I faced prison for non payment of fines she paid them for me and never asked for anything in return, then after three months of being together she fell pregnant I promised I would get a job and look after our new little family but as much as I looked I found nothing, She actually worked up to the time she was 36 pregnant and I never even said that I appreciated her but I do.
Then our baby was born and there I am still with nothing and I know any other girl would say get out or get a job but no not her she still stood by me yet again, We lived with her parents who where great and still are her family took me in when no one else would and never asked for a penny, Then came the time for us to get our own place and yet again my girl paid for everything rent deposit and everything needed for the house which we live i now, In 2 years I've had two job interviews for jobs I didn't get and I look everyday but never get call backs which just cements me as a total failure who cant look after his family. If it wasn't for my two girls I would have done myself in long ago but as much as im a horrible person sometimes and I rarely show appreciation for anything I Love them more than life and would die for them in a second if I had to.
Im not looking for sympathy or even replies I just wanted to get rid of the voices in my head sorry for rambling.

Ever2010

You are not a failure! Your partner and your child love and adore you. 'Providing' for them does not necessarily mean bringing in a wage at the end of each month. My suggestion would be to go to social welfare - you may be entitled to something which will greatly help out both you and your partner.

My sister's ex husband always had work - brought home the bacon etc, but he had virtually no interaction with his kids, was a possessive, racist and bigoted man. Those kids have been left pretty messed up.

'Provide' you family with love and support, take charge at home if your partner is working - look after your child and the house, make dinners - all of these things need doing. Grow your own veg in the back garden (now that's really providing for your family!). Enjoy the precious time at home with your young child.

All you can do is to keep applying for jobs, or try to take a night course (register with Fas).

I wish you well.

RossFixxxed

Listen man, being through horrible times and making it out wiser is far, far away from being a failure. Having a partner and child you want to take care of is also far from that. There is a lot to build on here.

daddyorchips

Ever2010 wrote: »

You are not a failure! Your partner and your child love and adore you. 'Providing' for them does not necessarily mean bringing in a wage at the end of each month. My suggestion would be to go to social welfare - you may be entitled to something which will greatly help out both you and your partner.

My sister's ex husband always had work - brought home the bacon etc, but he had virtually no interaction with his kids, was a possessive, racist and bigoted man. Those kids have been left pretty messed up.

'Provide' you family with love and support, take charge at home if your partner is working - look after your child and the house, make dinners - all of these things need doing. Grow your own veg in the back garden (now that's really providing for your family!). Enjoy the precious time at home with your young child.

All you can do is to keep applying for jobs, or try to take a night course (register with Fas).

I wish you well.

Sorry to hear about your sisters kids, I do cook and clean and all that but sometimes it feels like its not enough I dont feel sorry for myself though just my two girls, and I went to the social welfare before and was told to f@ck off not figuratively either i was actually told to f@ck off so I lost faith in the social welfare from that day.

daddyorchips

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Listen man, being through horrible times and making it out wiser is far, far away from being a failure. Having a partner and child you want to take care of is also far from that. There is a lot to build on here.

I hope I can build on it
Thank you

Pippy1976

Every citizen of this country is entitled to social welfare... it's why we pay taxes. Get yourself down to that office and discuss this with the case worker there - they'll be able to do something for you.

In the meantime, chin up. Your partner sounds like an amazing person - focus on that. Also, there are plenty of stay at home dads (and mums) and, in this day and age, there is no shame in that. You've come a long way from your days sleeping rough ... keep that, your partner and your child foremost in your thoughts.

pips

daddyorchips wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your sisters kids, I do cook and clean and all that but sometimes it feels like its not enough I dont feel sorry for myself though just my two girls, and I went to the social welfare before and was told to f@ck off not figuratively either i was actually told to f@ck off so I lost faith in the social welfare from that day.

daddyorchips

Pippy1976 wrote: »

Every citizen of this country is entitled to social welfare... it's why we pay taxes. Get yourself down to that office and discuss this with the case worker there - they'll be able to do something for you.

In the meantime, chin up. Your partner sounds like an amazing person - focus on that. Also, there are plenty of stay at home dads (and mums) and, in this day and age, there is no shame in that. You've come a long way from your days sleeping rough ... keep that, your partner and your child foremost in your thoughts.

pips

I shall do that tomorrow so, And amazing is not the word dont know how she does it really.

Pippy1976

Well, females are amazing - we've been trying to tell you men that for years!

Good luck tomorrow... keep us posted. [and don't leave that office until they do something for you]

daddyorchips wrote: »

I shall do that tomorrow so, And amazing is not the word dont know how she does it really.

Merkin

You are absolutely not a failure and in any event "success" is relative. One person could have huge material wealth and yet go to bed alone every night crippled with loneliness. You are wealthy beyond measure to have a wonderful partner who loves you and your own little baby as well. To have achieved this and to have established a happy family unit for yourself is in no way a failure!

As someone mentioned above, everyone is entitled to social welfare so you should definitely apply for that while ont he hunt for a job. Have you also considered going to college or gaining some qualification which will set you on the right direction?

You have achieved great things and will continue to do so. Don't call yourself a failure - we're out own PR machines and if you tell everyone you're a failure they'll believe you. Be proud of what you've done and set your sights on bettering yourself even further.

a posse ad esse

Why not volunteer at the moment? Help others that are going through what you went through in the past? There are plenty of homeless teens and young adults that need guidance and mentoring. One of the best things to do with little or no work experience is to develop some on your own. Volunteer 10-15 hours a week doing something that you would enjoy and perhaps gain some contacts from. I know many people who found paid jobs through volunteering. I think it is worth a shot and it would give you some confidence, contacts and most importantly a routine schedule outside the home.

I wish you luck.

Ickle Magoo

Lack of opportunity doesn't equal failure OP.

I think you need to reassess how you view yourself and start getting proud of you. You've overcome the odds, you have a partner and daughter who clearly dote on you and your partners parents have taken to you like one of their own - that doesn't happen by accident.

There are loads of people struggling to get work at the moment, you aren't alone and you aren't a failure for it either. I think you should speak to your local welfare office and see what you are entitled to, not just to give you some freedom and self-esteem from having an income to call your own, but also the courses and opportunities they could help you with.

You made it this far - and you sound like a really nice fella to boot. That's a huge achievement so stop kicking lumps out your own ego with the self put-downs and instead look at how far you've come and congratulate yourself that you are both willing and able to continue on that journey.

I wish you all the very best. :cool: