Feel like I'm cracking up

Holyjebus

Sorry in advance for long post
Like the title says, I really feel like im cracking up. My 7 month old baby has never slept through a night since he was born and has been hard work from the start. My first little boy is 3 and has always been a little angel. Slept through from 11 weeks and always so good. He's never even had a tantrum!
My new baby is the total opposite, he has a rotten temper even at this age.
Because I'm breastfeeding, I'm doing all the night waking and then he's awake again at 7 so I'm constantly tired.
My OH works all the time so it feels like he's never here and we're arguing so much because of it.
I'm feeling like I'm neglecting my eldest because I've no energy to do anything. He's parked in front of the tv all day and never complains.
I feel so detached from my baby, like I don't love him and don't want him and then I feel so bad for feeling this way.
We're off to a birthday party today and I'm dreading it cos I know I'll get no peace with the baby getting fed up and bored every few minutes. He doesn't want to be in my arms but he doesn't crawl yet either. I'm just so tired and want to crawl into bed for a week with no kids and just sleep!

monkeysnapper

You poorvthing, i can share your pain, we have a 3 year old girl who is same as your 3 year old, our boy is 4 months and was very hard work. Crying all the time, colicy baby.

Its only a recomendation now but would you consider going off breast feeding , if your baby has colic there are drops you can buy, plus we bought a necklase , yes a baby necklase . Alot of people sware by them, were trying it now, only been a few days so the jury is still out .

But he is alot happier now since we got the drops and my wife stopped breast feeding. The drops took a few days to kick in .they are called colief

ceadaoin.

I'm in the same boat with my 10 month old who has never slept through the night either. I'm not breastfeeding but she has recently started to want a bottle again during the night and wakes up wanting to play for 2 hours at 3am most nights My OH works a lot too, he has only been home for her bedtime one night this week. When he is off work though he gets up with her in the morning so that I can have a lie in. Is this an option for you?

I just started bringing her into our bed when she wakes up the first time (around midnight normally). She usually settles straight back to sleep this way for a couple of hours and sometimes she doesn't wake up wanting a bottle and can be easily shushed back to sleep when she stirs. If I didn't do this I'd be up every half hour into her room.

I look forward to her morning nap so that I can sleep too...It must be so tough for you with a toddler to look after aswell

January

I've 3 kids and I don't think there's been a night over the last nearly 4 years that one or other of them has not been awake... I feel your pain!

You sound a bit over whelmed and it may be worth heading to the doctor and getting yourself checked for Post Natal Depression. It's always hard especially when we feel like we're doing it alone.

I agree with the others about maybe trying to give up breast feeding, or expressing so your husband can do at least one night feed.

Lingua Franca

One thing that worked for me was feeding them some solids half an hour before putting them down to sleep. Just a couple of spoons of baby rice seemed to keep them from waking up from hunger in the night.

Neyite

Poor you!

I started to give a bottle of formula for the bedtime feed a few weeks ago - it gives dad a chance to bond with baby, and I get a break and start to put dinner on. He has never slept through either, but its my first so I can nap when he naps during the day, which isnt possible with a toddler too.

You can do a mix of formula/ expressed/ breastfeed and might work well for you. Is there an option of your toddler having a morning in creche or being minded while you nap with baby even once a week?

ger vallely

Holyjebus- you are not cracking up!Tis a very tough time and it does sound like January says-you are overwhelmed. My first child was like that and luckily my second was so calm. It seemed like I was constantly tired,irritable and even worried that there was something wrong with her as she cried so much most nights. But, the time has passed and we can laugh about it now! I would also recommend that you talk to your GP, take help from wherever you can get it.Be it in the form of babysitting,shopping,housework,whatever,let people know you could do with a hand. My sister in law has the necklace too for her boys and it seems to work. I have no idea how but it does. I think it is amber-you might find them on line. At 7 months perhaps he is hungry,do try him on some solids, it could be that simple.You are definitely not alone in feeling this way-hormones,tiredness and alot of extra responsibility can take its toll. Life is much easier to handle when a person is rested and in full strength. Do approach your GP.Best of luck to you,time will pass-it always does.

lazygal

I hate to sound preachy, but have a read of the Baby Whisperer book. I've found it a godsend. My baby is pretty good but woke several times a night. She'd only have short feeds so she was waking more from habit than hunger. I had a rough few nights trying to implement some of the strategies but now its worth it, she's a far better sleeper and gets herself back to sleep without us having to go into her. It is hard work and things do get worse before they get better but the payoff for us is a full nights sleep. It might be worth trying something like it. There are also sleep consultants who can help. Its a pricey way to go but I've heard they are worth every penny.

Holyjebus

Thanks so much for all the replies guys, it's good to know I'm not alone!
I actually fell asleep on the couch when my baby was in bed and my little boy was watching a movie, I could hear him banging around with his cars and chatting away to himself but fair play to him, he didn't bother me and I actually feel a good bit better now
My baby does wear the amber necklace and I find it good, he got two teeth together a couple of days ago and he was no more contrary than he normally is.
It's like he gets bored easily, wants constant attention. My three year old is great with him, he does have him in stitches laughing at him!
Unfortunatly bottles aren't an option for me, he drank them no problem up until 10 weeks then refused them point blank

galah

sounds like you are having a tough time, poor thing!

Maybe do try and somehow add some formula to his diet, and increase solids, so that he sleeps for a bit longer? WHile I am all for breastfeeding, if it leaves you this knackered and detached, maybe it is time to reduce or stop? Fair play for sticking with it for this long anyway!!!!)

Also, about the getting bored bit and not crawling yet - what I found great was one of those little hopper gym things - we got ours on loan from a friend, and it really helped. Obviously you can't have them in it all day, but we used to send our son hopping whenever we needed a bit of a break - he loved it, and if you play with your other son next to him, he wont feel like he's missing something. Just an idea ;-)

It will pass though - I thought ours would never sleep through, and he has been from about 7 months. That was a long 7 months though! (he does wake at 5 am, ready for the day, but that's a different story )

liliq

Holyjebus...

First off you are doing great! It's so much harder to do anything when you're tired, and you're keeping it together, so that alone is a brilliant achievement.

Do you co-sleep or would you consider co-sleeping? My 13 month old wakes a couple of times during the night, but he's either in our bed or in a side car style cot which means I don't get up, he just latches himself on and I fall back asleep again. I know some mums are very nervous about co sleeping but once it's done properly it's safe, and it is an absolute sanity saver for me to be honest.
My son doens't crawl either (he's such a lazy boy! haha) and is only starting to walk... I think that in between stage is so frustrating for them because they WANT to move around on their own but just can't quite to it yet.
Do you use a sling? A ring sling or a good semi structured carrier like an Ergo might make it a bit easier for you... the baby would be positioned to be able to see around him but you still have your hands free.

I'm going to go against the grain and suggest not bothering trying formula or expressing.
Expressing is really hard work, it takes away from what is meant to be the easy option of breastfeeding. Washing bottles and pump, storing expressed milk properly, and actually finding the time to express... and sitting trying to pump 4oz can take forever. It's not like sitting down for 10 minutes and suddenly you've enough there for the next feed.
Also... at this stage I'm guessing your baby has recently started solids, so it's not likely that hunger is an issue. So formula just kind does nothing except give artificial milk instead of breastmilk.
I also think with a 7 month old baby if this is something you'd wanted to try you would have by now.

annamcmahon

It sounds like you are having a really tough time. It's so hard when you are sleep deprived. I'd second what liliq says about trying co-sleeping. I'm doing it with my second baby and it makes the night feeds so much easier because I can latch her on and go back to sleep. I found getting out of bed to feed my first much harder. I don't think switching to formula would help much because if your husband works so much you'll probably still have to do most of the feeds anyway but will also have to make them and do all the sterilizing and stuff too.
I find I feel better if I get out to groups most days and the kids, 6 months and 1 1\2 are always in better form afterwards too. Otherwise the TV goes on way more than I like. Hope it starts to get easier

pwurple

I will suggest the jumping gym things as well. We had the rainforest jumparoo from a friend from about 6 months. They love it and all the jumping really tires them out!

How Strange

+1 for what liliq and annamcmahon said. At 7 months formula or breast milk aren't going to make a huge difference to his sleeping habits. My son was a bit like yours. He just seemed to demand 24 hours a day and I often felt like you. I'm pregnant in my 2nd and I'm hoping the next one won't be as demanding.

Firstly I think the teething affects some babies more than others and he's really in the thick of it now. Also he's going through a lot of developmental changes which do affect them. Look up the wonder weeks website or phone app. I found it a revelation as I could see direct links between his bad moods and the leaps.

Also it will get easier. I know it got easier by degrees for us around 8 months. Once they start learning skills and start moving a little bit their temperaments improve.

As for breastfeeding at night, I was working full time by 7 months and I found I went back to sleep quicker because we snuggled up together but I was still feeding 2-3 times a night. Also he started sleeping through the night every now and then from 8 months. It wasn't very often but at least we knew he could do it.

I really had to look after my own diet and made sure it was balanced and with as little crap as possible. I also took a multivitamin supplement (sona is good) and spatone iron supplement which was very gentle on my tummy and didn't cause constipation. I needed to take both supplements regularly up to 1 year.

Also get as much sleep or rest as you can possibly get because you're just generally exhausted looking after a toddler and baby. Does your husband take over at the weekends? Perhaps if you had a day to yourself every week or every so often you might feel like the old you again and not just a mammy.

I totally empathize because I felt exactly as you described except without the toddler. But it does get easier and better by degrees from here on.

Ellsbells

Can his dad not mind him for a night or two easy week? We had same problem to 8 months and he is back waking again. We had to stagger minding him at night so we didn't go cuckoo.

Is there anything you are eating that may be affecting him e.g. Dairy? Try cutting it out for a couple of weeks and see if he changes. Could be worth looking into a dairy intolerance

Hobbitfeet

My little man is nearly 9 months now and just started sleeping through. He used to wake a few times a night before that was always different. I brought him into bed with me on nights he was unsettled and waking a lot, teething or when I was really tired. Co sleeping and breastfeeding make night wakings so much easier and there was no problems with him going back into his cot. So I'm sure things will settle down for you soon x
I don't think formula will make a difference. A friend if mine has an awful bad sleeper everyone's advice to her was to give formula so she did, he still didn't sleep. Everyone told her then it was because she was breastfeeding and he was waking out of habit for some comfort do to give up bf and he would sleep. She did and he still didn't sleep she says its worse now as it takes ages to settle him when he wakes says its a big regret for her giving up and that she will never take advice from people about feeding/sleepibg who have never breastfeed before!!

Moonbeam

I was thinking about dairy too,have you tried cutting it out from his and your diet?we had a nightmare moving to formula and ended up using special formula and all was better.

dollybird2

You poor thing, it's so hard when you can't get a chance to have a proper sleep a couple of times a week. My lady was a divil for waking at night until I got her the Brevi Gio walker and it just tired her out so much that I finally got a routine established. Therefore I'd agree with previous suggestions to get a walker/activity centre or a jumperoo. It also frees up your hands a bit.

I get a feeling from your posts that you are feeling guilty about not having time for your older child. If he's content and not whinging or seeking your attention or resenting the baby then he's fine, don't have a feeling of guilt or this will add to your exhaustion.

Again to agree with previous posts a side car co-sleeper is a godsend. It does take away from intimacy with your partner but it is for a short term only and anything that saves our sanity as mothers is worth it!

tony1980

Our son has never realy slept through the night either. He is ten months old now.
There was a period of about 4 weeks where he slept from 8 or 8.30 till 7 the next morning, then he started teething! My wife used to do the night time feeds so I could actually concentrate in work. I would then do a night at the weekend, and both Sat and Sunday mornings. I wouldn't call her until about 12 on the weekends, so she was getting very long sleeps at the weekend. She would then take him for a couple of hours to let me have a lie down for an hour, then we both felt very rested on the weekends and all 3 of us could do things together on the afternoons of Sat and Sun.
We still do the weekend thing, which the oh looks forward to all week. Maybe your oh and yourself could come up with something similiar, having some guaranteed rest like that to look forward to can get you through the week!
I have been helping out at night during the weekdays now though, as he has been teething terrible and is waking alot, so we go to bed as soon as he is down, which is about 8.30. Then we take turns during the night with him.
I have also said to her that if he is taking longer than 30 mins to put back down during the night and its her turn, just call me and I will take over. Anything longer than 30 mins in the middle of the night is really draining. So, she is delighted knowing that if he is been difficult, I will take over and we also take turns throughout the night. Its not easy, but going to bed early really helps, you feel like you are getting some rest and you also know that someone is there to help in the middle of the night when its getting too much to handle!
I know it feels like you don't have time for anything else at the moment but this will pass, the teething will finish and you will start to really enjoy your time together with baby.
It can also be a great help, if, from time to time, you have a relative, Grandparent, etc that could babysit for a few hours or just take their grandkids to spend some time with them, so yourself and the oh can spend some time together away from baby, some sense of normality, go to the cinema/meal, etc. This might not be possible every week, but if even a couple of times a month, it is a really really enjoyable few hours and will be great for your relationship. You will actually have some time to talk about something other than nappies and babies and maybe some time for other things

galah

I still think that formula/bottle would make a difference in the sense that hubby can do the feeding while you get a bit of a rest. I found the constant breastfeeding (and we had a hungry hungry baby, we're talking feeds every hour at times) very draining, and was glad for the times where my husband could give the bottle so I could rest.

Granted, the formula actually may not help him sleep longer (at least I did not find that when we added the bottle) but I do think the solids will help with that.

If you do have family around that can help, make use of them - we have noone here that could help out, and at times, it can be very very hard.:(

but it will pass, and things will get easier! (so much so that when they have one bad night, it really throws you - E had another ear infection there last week, and kept waking up every 2 hours one night - geez, that was bad since we aren't used to that anymore )

Holyjebus

Thanks guys, sorry I'm only getting to reply now, some great advice on here!
I did the co-sleeping all along but I felt like it was constant wakings and feelings so I moved him to his own room and I find it much better tbh. He wakes a lot so he was waking me too when he was beside me. In his own room, I get to go in only when he's crying. Last night was four times but the night before was only once so he's getting better!
OH used to help out at night but was getting nowhere, baby only settles with a breastfeed maybe for comfort as he doesn't suck a soother.
I have a friend who gave up breastfeeding to go back to work and she's driven demented getting up all night to give bottles. Formula never filled mine either but I get what the poster was saying that it would help me get a break while OH gave the formula.
I don't think anything ever prepares you for how tough it all is but no doubt I will be looking back at it all soon in fondness (I hope!!!)

Roselm

http://www.eumom.ie/blog/sleep-deprivation-2/

I don't know if this might help you. Best of luck!