work life clash

LegacyUser

Hi there,

I,ve been with my girlfriend nearly 5 months now so we're just getting to that comfortable stage with each other and everything is going really well, mad about her etc BUT (there's always a but isn't there!?) our work lives seem to be clashing.

I,m not sure if this can even be classed as a problem as i,m sure alot if not most couples are like this but this is a first for me....
Ok so, I work a Monday to Friday 9 to 5 type job.. as have ex girlfriends/ girls I,ve been seeing. My current girlfriend works in a shift type job where she may have to work evenings 1 or 2 times a week and works either on or two days of the weekend.
I feel this is an enormous barrier to the development of our relationship.
For weekends I love to plan things like to head away home for the weekend (ideally with her sometimes) head out for a few drinks, go away surfing, hillwalking etc. but I find it's impossible with our current situation as she's either working or if she does have one day off she is tired, needs to catch up on housework, etc. understandable enough that she cant come away or dedicate a whole day to these activities. Dont get me wrong she is always willing to do these things but it is working out at around once in every 4/5 weeks which I dont think is enough.
We're both pretty independent people and she doesnt mind me heading away on my own with friends.. but I do wish that we could do more together.
Likewise during the week she can be working late a few evenings and i have training two evenings and more often than not we clash..resulting in us maybe only seeing each other once a week.
Things are going so well in every other aspect of the relationship but I really feel this is a hinderance. Im not contemplating ending the relationship...more looking for advice on how to not make this an issue...and us to end up resenting each other for it?
any help would be great...
sorry if some things are not clear..feel free to ask questios!

Hardonraging

Do you think she will hold the same job for ever ? and are you going to die from not seeing each other ?

Relax, and get on with the things in your life, the two of you still see each other, and it sounds as if things are developing at a normal pace.. just relax and go with it..

beks101

I had the same issue with my ex, he was a classic 9-5er, whereas my working life was/is just crazy. Sometimes I'm 1-9pm, sometimes 3-11pm, sometimes 10am-9pm if it's a busy week and I work pretty much every weekend.

You just need to find your rhythm with it. I'd get my schedule for up to every two weeks and have a chat with him, see where we could fit in some time together. Sometimes that meant meeting him during his lunch break before I had started; sometimes it meant him collecting me at the end of my shift & watching a DVD together before hitting the hay.

Spontaneous weekends away or date nights were sort of out of the question because of my schedule, but if he wanted to take a trip somewhere, I'd book the few days off work and we'd go away. If something really special/important came up at the last minute, I'd see if I could switch shifts with one of my colleagues, or come in earlier to the office to see if I could get the bulk of my work done & get out early.

I don't know what industry your girlfriend works in, but for me, an erratic schedule is just a part of what I do. I work in a newsroom so if news breaks and it's 'home-time', forget about it, I'm stuck in the office as long as I'm needed.

It sucks, for sure. But it's a superficial problem that can be overcome if both you and your girlfriend are willing to put in the effort.

LegacyUser

If your girlfriend works shift hours ask her when do you find out your shift hours and say to her why don't we arrange to meet up when it suits you.
This give you both a chance to plan when you will meet up. I would also ask her why is she working so many weekends? She may need to tell work that is doing more weekend work than other people she is working with. Also ask her could she swap shifts or do an early shift so you could meet up more?
Perhaps she is working long hours to keep her job or because they are short staffed.
Why not ask her are you happy working for ///? Perhaps she is working there at the moment to get experience, to work her way up to more regular hours or because she can't get another job?
If you want to go away for the weekend ask her to arrange not have shifts this particular weekend as this is what I did when working shift hours.
I knew several couples who were in your situation due to work, study and living in different parts of the country but they talked to each other and worked out when and where they could meet each other.