Job Hunting

stargazer 68

Hey Folks

Those of you who have partners currently job hunting - how do you encourage them along I suppose?

My OH has only been looking a month and already has decided he is on the scrap heap and no one wants him. I encourage him etc but sometimes he just gets really down- Im not really sure what else I can do to help.

Chuck_Norris

Dovies wrote: »

Hey Folks

Those of you who have partners currently job hunting - how do you encourage them along I suppose?

My OH has only been looking a month and already has decided he is on the scrap heap and no one wants him. I encourage him etc but sometimes he just gets really down- Im not really sure what else I can do to help.

It's a tough situation to be honest, as I'm all to sure you're aware.

All you can really do is keep encouraging him. Try and reassure him that he's not on the scrap- heap, that he has still a lot more to contribute. Don't go saying that there are thousands more in the same situation, believe me, it did nothing to help me.

He's kinda going through a selfish phase, where he's thinking through everything: "this time last month I would've been at work, doing x, y and x thing" etc.And he's also worried. Stupidly obvious thing to say, I know, but it is a huge factor in how he's thinking/ behaving.

I lost my job 4 months ago, and for the first few weeks I felt the same as your partner. Washed up, useless, as you say, on the scrap heap. But I had to get myself together. All the outside help and support was great and all, but until I got it into my head that I wasn't useless, I wasn't on the scrap heap, it accounted for nothing. And I'm not trying to be harsh on those who gave me that support, or you for supporting their partner. It's just that in my case, I had to get myself out of the depressed state I had gotten myself into.

So, ultimately what I'm trying to say is, keep doing what you're doing. Keep reassuring him that they're not useless, and keep trying to build back up his self confidence, which is no doubt shattered. How you do that is going to individual to your relationship.

And be safe in the knowledge that he will come around. He will get back to his old self.

Equality

He may feel that he has let you down, as there is now less money.

Try to make sure he knows that he is a help to you at home. One pal of mine freely admitted that she hated it when her husband got a job, because they have a lot of kids and he was really good when he was at home. She actually said she would prefer it if he was at home, as the extra money was not much, and did not compensate her for the loss of the work he did in the house.

Some people hate being at home, particularly if there are small kids at home, as the kids get on their nerves. If that is the case, try to encourage him to do things outside the home - gardening, walks, go to the library and get some books for the kids, fishing, some type of education or training, drop in to see his elderly parents and make sure they are ok. Basically anything that does not cost too much money.

stargazer 68

Thanks for the replies
We don't live together - only been together 8 months or so. I know his ex wife is giving him grief over not paying her more money (what he pays at the moment is more than enough IMO but there you go) so thats worrying him too as well as other stuff.

He is used to living well, eating out etc and that has been knocked on the head at the moment which is getting to him too. I feel he is pulling away from me a bit but I am giving him his space etc. He knows he is doing it and has apologised for being a 'grumpy git' and will make it up to me etc.

He's hoping for some interviews in the next couple of weeks so fingers crossed.