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  • 17-10-2012 4:10pm
    #1
    WhoKnows80
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1 ✭


    So basically i broke up with my ex of 4 years about two years ago at this stage and I really struggled with it, never struggled like that in my life, it was always a pretty volatile relationship but its certainly left its mark and i still do miss her.

    So in that 2 years i've met lots of girls but the problem is that when I decide to start dating one i like i end it after a few weeks, For instance i've been seeing a nice girl for the last 3 or 4 weeks, have had a good time with her, stayed with each other a good few times but now I realise my heart just isnt in it and its killing me, I know she's really fallen for me and in the last few days she has asked me on the phone if everything is ok(i'm normally full of life and always cracking gags but i'm a little down ) I know in the next few days i'm going to have to tell her that my heart isnt in it. The thing is i've done this to 3 or 4 girls in the last year or so. Dont know what advice i'm looking for here but is that normal?


Comments

  • #2
    Idle Passerby
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,130 ✭✭✭Idle Passerby


    I think its fairly normal. If you don't want to be with someone your doing the right thing to nip it in the bud rather than let it drag out.

    Is the problem that you want to find someone special and don't seem to make a connection or rather that you go off the woman your with when it starts to seem serious? The former is dissapointing but unfortunately you don't always meet the right person for you just because you want to.

    The latter may be a fear of getting close to someone and eventually going through another tough break up. If thats the case then its something you'll need to get over if you ever want to have a chance at being with someone long term.


  • #3
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I'd agree with the above advice. The key is to figure out exactly why this seems to have become a pattern for you - is there something deeper going on inside you as a result of getting your heart broken, or is it just run-of-the-mill dating taking its course?

    Because for most people, dating is an exercise in frustration - it isn't always meet-someone, click and BOOM, a happy long-term relationship. Perhaps the connection you had with your ex is just highlighting how hard it is to find someone you have reams of chemistry with.


  • #4
    MPB
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 82 ✭✭MPB


    ah dating's a rough game. If Im honest Ive been there and done that and came outta it. Though have also met a few I should never have looked at never mind gone near. Its all about having the right connection and its like buying a car (dont mean to call girls cars cause far from it but its a way of explaining it) you go to a lot of garages and drive many cars before you buy. You never buy the first one you see. Did I screw up over the years? Course I did. The one girl I should have kept and married I didnt. I ran from her. Why? Cause all she talked about was marriage and kids after 2 months going out with her. She has since married someone else and has both. I see her regularly and have remained friends and yeah, every time I see her I always think how stupid I was and what I could have. But its in the past and its done so its onwards and upwards. My experience has been educational. Have gone out with some real lookers but they were horrible as regards personality (not all of them but some of them), so the lesson there is that someone/something aint quite as good as she/it looks. So I changed my approach and now its all about perosnality. If I cant click with a girl I dont get involved. If someone aint got personality they aint got a lot. I always found too that the good ones came along when I wasnt even looking for someone. Nights out with the lads and a few pints and wasnt even looking but met good ones. So dont stress about it or dwell on it. Im probably older than you are and Im barely past 30. Keep the eyes open and you'll be surprised who ticks yout box's. So no its not a pattern. Takes time to get over someone and theres no set time for that to happen. Change of scenery does help. Holidays worked for me and I am aware of current economy and how constricted people are with regards jobs etc but a few days away with the lads. Its a change of scenery and a bit of craic.


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