Thinking of giving up it's just so hard!

will.i.am

Well to start with I am a 19 year old guy and I don't know what to do with my life I am really lost and unhappy and I don't know how to make it better.
To be honest with you I can remember being bullied back as far as junior infants and this lasted up until 6th year of secondary school. I have always being looked on as a freak in my life. I have made a few friends throughout my school life but I have lost contact with most of them.
I think I might be gay as well and people has picked up on this in secondary school and this caused a lot of bullying so I never attacked on my feeling but I do know I am attracted to guys and I don't have the same feeling towards girls. I blame a period in my life for making me gay. There was a man in my life and he touched me sexually and made me touch him when I was in my earlier teens. This caused me a lot of problems when I was in my late teens because at the time it happened I had no idea what was happening.
I went to college last year to an IT and for the first few weeks were difficult but I made some friends and I thought I was really happy my assignments were going good enough. I made some friends and things were going really well. A few days before last Christmas things began to go down hill. I friend was on my laptop and he was talking to my other friends on facebook basically he left his account logged in and a few hours later I went o facebook and I saw really mean comments that they were saying about me. Well I was lucky that I was going on my Christmas holidays at the time.
When I returned after Christmas things were okay for a few weeks and I was sort of semi happy. I passed my first year and got 60 credits and I was happy out.
However, my course involved a work placement and I got fired, I was just to slow to do the job and this really effected my confidence. i was told I was a really nice guy, I had excellent manners, I was always doing my best, etc.
I really did try really hard but I failed. I can do my work placement next Summer. I might as well say it will be in a hotel. However since I returned to college my year head has being very short and snappy with me and every day of college feels like a nightmare. I have lost a lot of interest in the course in the past couple of weeks but I have being attending every lecture and doing all my assignments but I am un-happy I honestly don't know what to do with my life. It has being a series of knock backs despite me trying my best. I am thinking of dropping out of my course now and trying to do another course next year in a different field but I have no idea what to do!
Any advice?

looksee

There is such a lot going on in your post that it is difficult to pick on any one thing to discuss.

Rather than get into specifics I wonder if it would be better to suggest you enquire at college about talking to a counsellor or careers advice person.

It doesn't seem like a good idea to give up the course you are on unless you have a clear idea of what your problems are with it. It sounds as though you might just drift into another course and have the same problems.

You also need to talk to someone about the issues of whether you are gay, you seem to think you are but maybe you need help sorting out what this actually means to you. I don't really know anything about it, but I don't think someone can 'make' you gay by abusing you. You do need to talk to someone about the abuse though.

Everything seems to come back to needing to discuss your various situations with a professional counsellor and I think your first resort should be to either go to your college counsellor or your GP and ask for advice.

Lorna123

Don't take too personally how people treat you. You are a great person in your own right and sometimes others' behaviour is just a result of something that is going on in their lives and nothing to do with you.

You have to know that this course is a worthwhile course and don't rely on anyone for affirmation on how you are doing. When you finish this course and pass you will get renewed confidence and have this qualification under your belt. Opting out now is just prolonging the day you can say you passed something. Better to stick with this now and just be determined that nobody will stand in your way. Imagine how you will feel when you get your certificate. We all get knocks OP, life is not smooth for any of us. Going to your class every day and keeping up with the assignments is a great start and if you continue with that you will pass. Your work placement just didn't suit you but the next one will, so all is not lost. I really think you will do well OP, so just keep going, things will sort themselves out in time. This time next year you will be so proud you stuck it out. Best of Luck.

will.i.am

looksee wrote: »

It doesn't seem like a good idea to give up the course you are on unless you have a clear idea of what your problems are with it.

We my course is Hospitality Management.
I find the problems with are I can never imagine working in a hotel when I am older. I don't thint I ever want to have the resposability of managing a hotel.
There are a few departements that you can work in such as bar, restaurant, accomdation, front of house. No of these areas really appeal to me at all to be honest. I would be sligthly intrested in front of house but that is only at a push.
I think I would like to work as a career in a hospital or such but I would have to probally repeat my leaving cert or do a fetac course in order to get back to college.
Thanks for the advice!

Queen-Mise

Counselling, Counselling & Counselling...

Different types are needed - career guidance. Do one of those ridiculously complicated career tests and that will give you a good idea of where your strengths are and rule in/out some hospital careers. See what suits you - get out of your course ASAP, if it is really doesn't suit, as your will only get the fees/grants for each year once. The hospitality industry is HARD - you need to be as tough as nails for it & at the moment your not. That isn't a criticism - just an is.

Counselling for what happened in the past also - separate that issue with the man from your sexuality. They are not connected - if it had been a woman who had abused you, that wouldn't have made you heterosexual. It is especially hard for the gay man who is confused about his sexuality - that was abused. Don't underestimate how much confusion etc. this will create.

Counselling for the bullying is also needed - it is hard to get out of that mindset of the victim.

They are a lot of different things happening -start the ball rolling on one of them, hopefully that will give you confidence and encouragement to tackle/face some of the others. A lot of the things that have happened to you are all feeding into the other - turning into a viscous circle.

Find some support for yourself. Use the networks that are there. I would imagine that there is incredible support within gay communities for people in your situation. Put the hand out for help - they are people who will take it and would love to support you.

Lorna123

will.i.am wrote: »

looksee wrote: »

It doesn't seem like a good idea to give up the course you are on unless you have a clear idea of what your problems are with it.

We my course is Hospitality Management.
I find the problems with are I can never imagine working in a hotel when I am older. I don't thint I ever want to have the resposability of managing a hotel.
There are a few departements that you can work in such as bar, restaurant, accomdation, front of house. No of these areas really appeal to me at all to be honest. I would be sligthly intrested in front of house but that is only at a push.
I think I would like to work as a career in a hospital or such but I would have to probally repeat my leaving cert or do a fetac course in order to get back to college.
Thanks for the advice!

My daughter did this course too OP but didn't want to work in a hotel when she had it finished it, but she now has it on her CV which includes Business Management and it has helped her no end to get good jobs since.

pragmatic1

Chin up Will. Some people get tougher breaks than others. Trust me everyone goes through their stuff at one point or another. hang in there because you sound like a good good lad.

gamerguy89

well i'd like to say finish your course even if you dont ever want to work in a hotel as at least finishing it will stand to you and allow you into another course that you might like to do, it beats the hell out of repeating your leaving cert or starting another fetac course.
perhaps seeing the careers and guidence consellor in the college would be a good start to determining what you'd like to do after college.
i'll be honest i dont think you can be made gay i had problems dealing with this myself and still do so i cant help you there but thats another topic perhaps your confused about the whole thing and just havent quite found yourself from a sexuality point of view again theres support groups there in colleges and even on this site i think that can help with this, alot of people are in the same position as you on that topic.
i dont know what to say about the bullying, my advice even if its bad , try not to let it get to ya too much.
my life feels like its been notting but knock backs but unfortunately i think thats just part of growing up and somethign everyone has to deal with, some people just have it harder than others but it will work out in the end